1 month on from when my beautiful grandma passed away (17th nov) we have had thw funeral (7th Decemebe) and we took her ashes on Friday just gone (17th Dec). My heart is literally broken. The last year has all been dedicated to helping care for her alongside my mum and now she’s gone there’s just this black hole of pain… I’m absolutely dreading christmas but I have a 3 year old who would want me to be excited. I still can’t quite believe I’m never going to see her again and I it makes me uneasy knowing I’ve got to navigate life without her. It’s been a rollercoaster ride she got diagnosed with cancer and they said she wouldn’t make it to this Christmas she fought the cancer and it was actually under control but to the detriment of her mental state. She didn’t know who we were and cognitive function was dramatically reduced towards end… her death has to go to j
Inquest so I guess therein lies the reason why I don’t feel like I can move on. I thought the ashes would have been a significant moment as she is now at peace but it just doesn’t work like that but I know that life has to go on. I’m going back to work tomorrow and I’m also dreading that 
ill never know of she died angry at us or whether she didn’t blame us we had really got ro our physical limit limit asked for help then within 6 weeks gone. Its crazy !!
Dear Wilbo30
Welcome to the Community. I am sorry for the loss of your Grandma and your mum. You have had a tough time and sometimes it does feel like life is crashing all around us when everything happens at once.
It would be helpful for you to talk to someone. I would like to direct you to Cruse Bereavement UK. They offer a helpline, support by email, counselling and support groups through their local services. http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services
When you go back to work have a chat with your manager as to how you are feeling and see how they can support you as you are still grieving.
Take care of yourself.