1 step forward, 5 steps back

Hi. First posting for me. Mum passed away in April. It was expected but my word I never expected to hurt so much. I also lost dad 3 years ago when I found him in bed and he had unexpectedly passed away during the night. That left me in a terrible state for which I was well looked after and then became mums carer. Now mums gone I feel lost. She occupied my time and my brain (I wouldn’t of had it any other way). I can find things to fill my time but my head is a different problem. I know it will get better over time but at the moment just really struggling.
I was clearing some stuff today and found 4 pairs of her glasses (I need a pair of each room love!!!) and it floored me.
I guess I wanted to write this to people who understand. My family are brilliant but sometimes there’s that element of guilt that you are going on about it too much.
Anyway not really any point to the post but thanks for listening. Hope you are all doing as ok as you can be. xx


Sorry you are having such a hard time and struggling. It’s not easy going though our loved ones belongings . What to do with all there stuff is a dilemma and if you are like me I felt really guilty for giving stuff away. For ages I kept thinking he will want this stuff when he comes back but of course he’s not coming back so what do you do with it. Keep things that meant a lot to your mum in time you will be able to look at them even cuddle them and remember your mum and smile. But it’s early days for you so don’t beat yourself up about it. And never say that’s there’s no point in posting on here we are all at different stages of grief and we all understand so keep writing sometimes it’s nice to read other people’s journeys and how they cope from day to day. Your right about family and friends after a while they think you should be getting on with life they don’t always understand its not something you get over in 5 min I know my husband died 12 months this august and I’m still struggling some days. . Take care Zoe xx

1 Like

@Zoe14 it’s so hard isn’t it, I lost my Mam 8 weeks ago, I was lucky to have been her full time carer for the last 3 years but now I’m absolutely lost. I just miss her so much, the times I’ve shouted ’ I just want her back’ begging for it to happen. I don’t want this life I have now without her :broken_heart:
I still carnt go to my mams bungalow. Just too many memories at the minute for me to cope with.
Sending big hugs to you zoe, always here for a chat

1 Like

Thank you both for your replies. Had a better day today. Jane36, I totally get where you are coming from. In the last few months of her life dementia took a hold as well, so it was like I became the mum. Slowly the memories are returning of mum before that happened, and talking to my two sons about their nan really helps. Fortunately I have 3 older brothers who are dealing with all the legal stuff. We went through her things together and took mementos and then let a house clearance deal with the rest. Always here if needed xx