1 year on

Hi everyone. First time here.
It’s coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my Dad’s unexpected death. My Dad had Parkinsons Disease which impacted his life heavily towards the end. He went into hospital after a fall then got covid, a chest infection and died of pneumonia.
I am struggling with the guilt of how things were between us just before his death. We were always close and we enjoyed weekly days together to give my mum a break and spoke all the time. Sadly, the week that he was later taken ill, I did not spend the day with him as usual and had been upset with him as he wasn’t taking my mum’s struggle with his care into account and I had said through tears that he couldn’t be selfish as his refusal to accept extra care was impacting my family too. He told me that he loved me, that I am always one of the good ones and that I should go home and be with my family instead of spend the day with him. The next time I saw him he was going into an ambulance and the time after that was holding him and being with him for hours with my mum and brother just before he died but he could no longer talk. How I wish we had left things differently. I said all of this to him as he was dying but I would give anything to hear his voice and for him to tell me that he forgives me. I keep looking for signs but don’t find any. Just needed a place to vent really!


Hi @Arrow1, thank you for joining us and bravely sharing how you’re feeling here. I’m so sorry about the loss of your dad. Anniversaries can be particularly hard, especially the first one- I’m sure many of our members here will understand how you’re feeling.

I can see you’re new, so just wanted to let you know about some of the different support we offer, in case you might find it helpful. We have an online bereavement counselling service - this is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

We have also recently launched a Grief Self-Help Service, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, please visit selfhelp.sueryder.org.

Please do keep reaching out here, you’re not alone and we are listening.

Take care

1 Like


I’m so sorry for your loss.
Really brave that you share your story on here.
My dad almost died 2 years ago on august 11th.

If you wanna talk to somebody or vent my messages are always open.
You are not alone.



Thank you Janine. I am sorry for your loss too. It is nice to find a friendly forum to be open on. I have very supportive family and friends but sometimes it is easier to ‘talk’ to others who understand.


I understand what you mean.

I also have a very good relationship with my family.
My uncle became my bonus dad and really cares for me.
And of course my mom is so supportive and loving to me.