10 weeks ago my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly at home
He was only 48
We have an 11yr old daughter and a 21yr old son
I miss him so much
Still can not believe what has happened
Hi Caz, 10 weeks. Not very long at all and, if like myself, one day it will feel like yesterday and the next, forever ago!
Your story is even worse because you have young children, 21 and 11 years old, such a young age to lose their Dad. I’m so very sorry for all of you.
I’m afraid I can’t offer much in advice, I still live day to day pretty much, trying my utmost to live life the best way that I can for both my husband and myself. It’s 6 months for me and in many ways it’s not changed at all in that I hurt each day the same amount as I have from day one. In other ways it’s changed so much in that I am able to get up most days and accept (as much as I ever will accept) that this sadness and heartbreak and overall longing is the real deal and that I must fight this fight using all the strength that I have in order for me to succeed in making my husband proud of every achievement, big or small.
I am helped massively by my genuine belief that my husband is at peace and that he left this world, although reluctantly I’m sure, in body only. I continue to feel him in every sense by my side, spurring me on, helping me, willing me to do what I do in the best way that I can. I don’t see him obviously, just once in a dream, but I feel his presence around me so much. For that I am eternally grateful.
I haven’t made any changes to my life at all, maybe I’m not quite as sociable as I was, but that’s more because I find the most peace and comfort in our home rather than because I made any effort not to socialise as much. I also soon realised that many people cannot understand our hurt and sadness because they haven’t experienced it themselves. Another reason why I choose to stay home more frequently!
I run our home doing the stuff I always did. I also now, as much as I can, do stuff I never have done before. Those things are the things my husband always took care of. I go to work as I did before and generally live the life I always did. I was happy with the life I had ‘before’ and found no reason to change it. I will love and miss my husband for always and that won’t lessen by becoming involved in groups and clubs etc.
I appreciate many others have been helped by doing the opposite of me, actively getting involved in various organisations and the like, that makes it obvious that all of us deal with our grief in our own way and, so we should. What is good for one is not necessarily good for the other. All that really means is, we all do what we have to do to try our best to walk this journey as positively as we can. Bearing in mind, some days we crawl rather than walk!
Caz, in time you will find your own way of coping and, whatever way that is, always remember it’s the right way, for you. I think it’s probably best to admit and accept from the very beginning that we’re never going to stop loving and desperately missing our loved ones, that’s pretty much a fact I would say. Would we even want to!
Until I see my husband again, and I have faith and hope that I will, I will do everything I can to live on for him as well as for me in the best way I can. So, so difficult I know, the biggest challenge of my life but, a challenge I will give all that I’ve got and rise to…
I really, really hope that you feel your husband by your side too, I am in no doubt that is right where he is.
Sending love to you and your family x
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Dear Caz
My heart goes out to you
My husband died suddenly last summer
He was 60
One minute talking to me and loving life …the next collapsed and fighting for his life
We have three children . The youngest was 21 like your oldest
It has been the hardest , most painful experience of our lives trying to carry on without him . I would like to say that after a year it gets easier but it doesn’t …it just gets different and is just as hard
Do whatever gives you a smidgeon of comfort . I have hugged trees , taken comfort from seeing particular birds in my garden , gone to bereavement counselling, thrown myself into my work , gone to social events as have my girls . We are surviving but nothing is the same without him . The joy has gone , I don’t know what comes next , more of the same I suppose .
I am sorry that I am no comfort . But talking to people on this site helps because people on here understand how very hard it is to carry on without our loved ones .
Sending you and your children love and understanding
Romy xxxxx
Hi caz28, as your husband was so young and his death unexpected, after just 10 weeks you are probably still in shock and utter disbelief. I too lost my 48 year old husband suddenly and unexpected just over a year ago. We were away in wales on short break for his 48th birthday and he took ill during the night at the hotel. He died the following morning at the hospital. I had to return home without him. It was utterly devastating.
I have two daughters from a previous relationship who are 14 and 16, to whom he was their step dad for nearly 10 years. I also have a 14 year old step daughter who was his blood daughter. This has been a very difficult year after the loss of him, but i have managed to get through it as you will. Although you mighnt feel like it right now. You are coping with your own grief and your childrens and just trying to carry on each day. To be honest, that is all that I have done, just tried to carry on each day. Not sure what I would have done without my daughters as they have given me a purpose to carry on and to support them too.
My heart goes out to you as I know exactly what you are going through.
Mojo thank you for your reply
So sorry for your loss
John was step Dad to my 21yr old son
He had been in his life since the age of 2.5yrs old
My son had to perform CPR on my husband for 14 mins whilst we waited for the emergency services
It was a terrible terrible night
Changed our lives forever
And you are right such a complete shock
I still expect him to walk through the door
How brave of your son. I know how traumatic and damaging witnessing that is. For me I was on my own with my husband. The ambulance crew did everything for him. We had a 35 min journey to the nearest hospital whilst he was having a heart attack. Nurse performed cpr on him just as we arrived at a&e. I just sat there so numb watching it all unfold feeling completely helpless. He died whilst the heart specialist were operating on him.
It is so hard to erase those memories and remember the nice memories instead. Im sure they will fade over time.
There is no other pain like this, and like you I too still expect him to walk through the door.
This forum did help me in the early days, just to know that what I was feeling was completely normal. And to know that there are people going through similar. You arent alone.
I’m having some counselling at the moment which has helped as I was struggling to talk about what had happened and how I was feeling.
This may help you in time.