10 weeks

It’s been 10 weeks since my husband had a sudden cardiac arrest on a Friday morning after getting up from bed to go to work . One minute we are talking about what we are going to do that day the next I am ringing 999 and trying to do CPR .
My question is how the hell am I going to get through the next 10 months or the next 10 years without going crazy because I miss him so much … just needed to say this because I don’t think my children can handle me saying it to them right now
Sending hugs to everyone . I know we are all in the same boat but it’s very painful and hard work …

Hi Romy im very sorry for your loss .Take it day by day try to have some me time ,your heart soul and mind need a break from your nightmare .Because it will still be there waiting for you .The hard work cant be laid out in stage because of all the heartache and confusion .Your emotions will change all the time .There unfortunately isnt a set plan to your end goal .What people advise you to do and what you can do maybe miles apart .Ihope ive helped in a small way Colin

You have Colin . Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with grief . I’ve got kids , family , friends and lots of stuff to do but I feel like a lost soul looking for some sort of help to get me through this . It is so painful . Thank you for replying . It means a lot . Romy xxx

Is Cruse counselling helping Colin ? I can see in your profile . The hospital where my husband died is offering me bereavement counselling . Perhaps I should try that ? X

Idid cruse counselling yes should have been 8 weeks i got 28 weeks .It was fantastic for me a place to go to see the same person to offload .Id definitely try it and its contribution based .The hospital 1 id ask if its on neutral ground .Because you might like me all the memories come flooding back in the hospital Denise was in .Nothing ventured nothing gained applies i think to counselling ,but it definitely help me x

Ok Colin . Thank you . I will definitely think about getting some counselling . Thank you for your time . Romy xxx

Hi sometimes I feel I am going to crack up too I’m only 50 and the thought of spending the rest of my life without James is horrible and frightening my life has changed forever and I don’t like it I want my old life back.

Take care
Christine x

Hey Romy, first, I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband. You said: “My question is how the hell am I going to get through the next 10 months or the next 10 years without going crazy because I miss him so much”. I think that the thought of the years stretched out in front of us without our loves is one of the very worst parts of widowhood - Christine, you said it really well. I felt precisely that fear too, and discussed it with my grief counsellor. Her advice was to try not to worry - hard as it is - about what the next months or years will be like, but to break it down into small, doable chunks. So I remind myself to just be concerned with the next week - or next day, if I’m in a really bad way. I find that truly helpful.

Big hugs to all if okay,

Louise xo

It is horrible . I feel like a lost soul . My kids have been here but they’ve gone now and it’s just me and the dogs and it’s just weird . Sending you big hugs and thank you for your message . Romy xxx

I try to do that . I break it down to morning noon and night and try to do something constructive each part of the day but I’m starting to feel like a robot because all I really want is to stop and sit down and talk to my husband . Nobody else will do even though they are trying their best and I don’t mean to be ungrateful but me and Mark have been together for 42 years and married for 33 and it’s such a long time and he really was the only person who knew me inside and out flaws and all . I feel like a lost soul without him . But thank you for your messsge Louise . It means a lot xxx

I totally get that robotic feeling, Romy - it’s like just going through the motions, and knowing that nothing we might choose to do will be anywhere near as good as sitting down talking to him would have been. xo

I know . It’s so sad xxx

And since my husband has died lots of people seem to want to claim that they knew him better than I knew him myself !! Like his friends and employees and sister . It’s not some sort of competition ! People really show their true colours when someone dies and for a lot of them compassion for the spouse and the children goes out of the window . I honestly can’t believe some of the things people have said and done to me and my children albeit they are pretty grown up . Sorry for the rant but if I hear one more thing from someone claiming they had a special friendship with my husband I swear I will punch them . It’s like me being with him for 42 years and married for 33 and all the stuff we went through together counts for nothing …I’m just the widow !! Sorry for the rant . I have judt had enough of some people close to us who I thought would have been better than this . Lots of my friends are being lovely but it’s pribsbly because they are my friends not primarily his friends and are not jostling to claim a special place in his life . Aaaargh !!! X

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