Its been the weirdest unbelievable scariest time of my life. I cannot really describe my feelings as they change from hour by hour day by day, I wouldnt wish this pain on anyone, I never thought anything like this would happen to me/us. The sadness and empiness never leaves. I have been told I am doing well and I sound resilient. Do things ever get any better, because just when you think things are getting better … wham …you are back to feeling like you are drowning again? 
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Mezza, You have come to the right place, all of us on here are going through this terrible loss. I truly sympathize, I lost my wife of 52 years a year ago. I still love and miss her . No one can understands unless they have lost a long term partner. I have been lucky because my village has a Bereavement Cafe that meets once a month that I have found helpful. The grief seems to come in waves and anything can trigger it. One year on I still miss her and have a few tears, I look back at the happy times and find I can manage the grief a little better . Come on this site and have a chat, or a ramble it does help, and we all understand what you are going through. Sending you a big hug.
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Rob is right, nobody knows unless they too have gone through it. It is quite indescribable and unimaginable and the pain is intense. A day at a time and don’t pretend you are ok when you are not. It’s all exhausting so be kind to yourself and know that lots of us are feeling what you are feeling x
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Thank you both so much. Its not a place I thought I would ever be in, my husband would have been 66 next month I am just 67 (had my birthday a couple of weeks after he passed away)
We met at work he was 18 I was 19 we were married 44 years.
He went in to hospital (day case unit) for a gallbladder op on the Tuesday and died from organ failure due to sepsis on friday morning. Still waiting for hospital investigations and there is to be Coroner’s enquiry in a couple of months, so as well as losing him we have to wait to find out exactly why he was failed by those who were supposed to be looking after him. Big hugs 
to you both
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So sorry to hear you have to go through that. My husband was 61 when he passed away and he was 20 and I was 17 when we met. That shared life is what I miss so much, nothing replaces it. I hope you are able to get through the inquest and the hospital investigation x
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Thank you 