12 weeks since I lost my husband

Tomorrow will be 12 weeks since I woke up abs doing my husband had died suddenly in his sleep. To be honest I still feel like I’m in shock. Just going from day to day. All I can do is watch tv endlessly so that I don’t have to think.
Everyone tells me to be strong but all I can think about is what I’m supposed to do with myself now.
I was retiring at the end of September because we planned to spend more time together. Now I have no job, no focus and am beyond lonely.
I’m also finding it hard to go to church although everyone is being so supportive.
My family are also great but no amount of time with them replaces the love and companionship of my husband.
I feel lost and very alone.


My husband died suddenly of a heart attack 6 weeks ago. He was 67 and had only been retired since April 2020. I’m 61. There were no indications at all there was anything wrong - he was playing football when it happened. Still trying to get my head round it all.

The family have been great and I have a dog to walk but still feel lonely, especially at night.

I feel for you Betty and all the others posting on this site. It’s not an easy journey we all find ourselves on.


Betty, I’ve tried to send you a private message but not sure it sent. Could you let me know.


I am so sorry for your loss. I lost daughter 13 weeks ago. She was 25. It was sudden and not expected. It is a hard path we now walk as we come to terms with our grief.

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I have a 28 year old daughter and two sons 34 and 33. My husband was67. Although not a long life, not a short one! Can only imagine how you’re feeling. ((Hugs)) xx


My husband died suddenly when out running. He was 50. We got there too late so no goodbye. I understand your heart ache. Our best chapter was meant to be as we headed towards retirement. Now I have to face that alone. It’s so hard. Sending hugs


My husband had only been retired since April 2020. I’d worked part time in a sports centre for 26 years and Alan did one 4.5 hour shift a week. He walked the dog hours every day, not over weight, very fit and healthy. A big shock!

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He collapsed at work after playing football. Very sudden

Hi BettyA
I’m so sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband 12 weeks ago last Thursday, it was sudden I was awoken to him making a strange snoring noise, I called the paramedics but they couldn’t save him, he was 48. He had not been ill and had been at work that whole week. Sometimes it feels like such a long time ago that I last got to hug him or talk to him and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I think this a long and slow road we are on, with many strange and painful turns, we have to take one tiny step at a time, we will always miss them and the future we should have had together with our loves. I mourn for him and for me, for our children, too young to loose their dad and for everything he won’t be with us to share . Take care xx


Dear Betty

I lost my husband as a result of a road traffic accident. Was 16 weeks off retirement and we had made plans for our retirement together. I went ahead with retirement as that was the only thing I could complete that as we had planned. When not looking after grandson’s I spend my time in the house crying for what he has lost and what me and family have lost.

Please try and surround yourself with true friends and family.


Dear Betty, my heart goes out to you
I too lost my husband just when I was looking forward to retiring. I well remember being in shock for months and the endless tears. His death was expected but nothing prepared me for the lonliness and despair.
Here I am a year later and although grief is not so raw , the pain of loss is still with me. I’m not sure you stop grieving totally but you move forward with it bit by bit.
I joined a bereavement group and it helped so much talking to others in the same boat.
I still go to our church. I find comfort there . Its OK not to be ok though and family and friends will support you.
You will find a way forward but it takes time, sometimes 2 steps forward and one back.
Be gentle and kind to yourself, as your husband would want you to.
Thinking of you Ann x


My husband was 67 too. To me it was a shirt life. I thought we had many more years ahead of us.
I just can’t believe that all of our plans for a future together have just gone. It all feels so unfair

Hi Murphy1
That sounds like my husband too. He played squash at least 3 times a week and had a part time job that was very physical. There was just no sign that he had atherosclerosis. I also thought with him being so fit that even with the disease he would have survived a heart attack. But to go to sleep and not wake up again is so awful.
Although I’m thankful he didn’t suffer and everyone says how unhappy he would have been if he had been I’ll and couldn’t live an active life but at least he would still be here with me. We would have had time to talk. There’s so much I would want to say to him.
Even now I’m still reading about the disease, the signs and what to do about it as if that will a somehow change things.
I keep wishing I had some indication and could have done something to help him
I still have no idea how life can or is going to be without him.
It’s really hard but all I can say is just don’t put pressure on yourself I find myself planning but then I just can’t even move off the sofa. There are no rules. Just do what you can even if it’s getting out of bed x

I know how you feel I lost my husband on the 1st may 2020 he also went in his sleep what a shock when I found him if it wasn’t for my son been at home that day I don’t know how I would of coped my family have been so supportive I do get lonely sometimes bit my wk keeps me occupied I retire in 2023 can’t wait .

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This is how I found my husband it happened on 12th august. My son and I are completely distraught. My sons girlfriend lives in America I’m in the UK and he asked if I minded him going over to see her at xmas, I had to say it was ok I can’t impact anymore on his life but he booked and has decided to stay 3 months. I honestly do not know how I will cope being alone for 3 months.

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My husband had been 53 for a week when he died it was a pulmonary embolism. So he wouldnt of known I waited 6 hours for a paramedic to pronounce him dead before anyone could take him away.


I’m so sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband on the 12th of August suddenly, he had not been ill and died in our bed, he was 48. We are on exactly the same time line and I know how you feel, it is heart wrenching and shocking, some days I still can’t believe what has happened to our family. It is hard for our children and you are so brave to let your son spend Christmas away, do you have any other family or friends to support you? I am here for you message me if you want xx

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Hello Poppyjo
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know the shock and disbelief you’re experiencing
The truth is that it will be hard to cope without your son but you’re not going through this alone.
There are so many people in this group who are here for you.
If you need to talk you can message here or private message me and we can arrange a call.
In the past few weeks I’ve moved back home after staying with my daughter. It’s not easy and I admit I spend a lot of time slumped in front of the tv and comfort eating but I manage to get up every day and some days are better than others.
I try to leave the house for at least an hour and always speak to at least one person on the phone.
Just don’t put pressure in n yourself. Do what you can and what works for you
We’re all here for you

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Hello Poppyjo,

So sorry for your loss. It’s devastating. I lost my daughter on 7th August she also passed away from a pulmonary thromboembolism. All so sudden just no time and no warning. If you need to talk PM me anytime. Take care

Hi PoppyJo

My husband also died from a pulmonary embolism on the 25th of July, he was 61.