Feeling so anxious with my husbands funeral coming closer and seeing him next Saturday in the chapel of rest i have no energy and just sit around all day cant leave the house please tell me it will get easier in the weeks months to come.
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My husband dies on 6th June so it is still early days for me but I would say you will have better days. Some days are absolute hell. I found the day after the funeral nearly unbearable particularly as I had a problem and nearly lost a whole freezer full of food when I was particularly vulnerable. Even this early not every hour of every day is hell. I still miss him terribly but I know I have to move forward so that is what I am focusing in doing. I would advise you to try and do the same. But we are all different and will find different ways of surviving.
Sandra xxx
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Thankyou sandra big hugs to you its so so hard i miss his loving arms his smile i know i will see him again one day i know hes with me the light flickers when i speak to him
Xx
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I am so sorry for your loss @Cadge, it is very early days for you and the rawness will be intense. The coming days will be hell, but you will find inner strength to help you through it. I hope you have plenty of support.
The best advice I was given, was to take every hour / day at a time, don’t think about the future. If you feel like crying, then cry as it releases tension.
It is a great source of support to reach out to this forum, we all know how you are suffering.
Your husband will always be with you - love never dies.
Sending love and hugs, Rosemary xx
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Do you believe we will see them again that they will be waiting for us 
I am on day 11. Today has been a very bad day. It started with the repercussions of a dream in which the hospital realised he was alive after all and he came hom. Then I had my appointment to register my husband’s death. We had to wait a while to do that. Then I came home and booked a funeral date and the wake venue but couldnt get any date I wanted so I panicked and picked a day that I now know that my neice cant come too. Then I did the “Tell us once” thing and it felt so final. Then the cat was very sick. She pooped on the carpet last night. Part of me feel “H is dead what does anything matter!” But part of me cares about the carpet because it’s quite new and H was careful not to get it dirty so it felt awful. Then I had asked family and friends for photos I might not have seen of H but a video popped up of him on a woodland walk with his friends and he was joking and laughing and I was so relieved it exists but so destroyed and howled and wailed with tears for ages. Still crying now of course.
My son 22 is quite cool and standoffish around me. I know he’s just trying to cope himself but I wish hed just give me a hug. The people offering support mean well but I dont want them. I want my husband.
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I certainly hope so, I feel him around me and I talk to him a lot. We were always chatting and I continue.
There is a lot written about signs. Well, I have found a number of white feathers in odd places and a beautiful red butterfly landed on a wall just in front of me as we were leaving for the church. xx
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@Cadge I had a discussion about this yesterday. My partner was an atheist and didn’t believe there was anything after death. I didn’t feel his presence so assumed he was right. Then I saw a physic who told me things that could only have come from him. I’ve since had a fair few things happen and when they do I momentarily feel like someone has walked through me. It’s hard to explain.
Despite that, I’ve still mixed feelings on the subject. I hope I get to see him one day but I won’t know the truth until it’s my turn.
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I have my 25 year old son with me hes not left my side bless him but im holding alot in because i dont want to upset him its hard xx
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I didn’t know I could howl like an animal till my husband died. The very early days are very very hard. I was lucky that I could book a funeral date that was convenient for both my brother and my brother in law. My husband wanted his wake at his Masonic lodge and the masons made sure this happened. They did most of the organising for that. I don’t know what I would have done without my excellent funeral director and the masons. Good luck with your arrangements. I know you only want your husband but take all the support you are offered.
Sandra xxx
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@LizFar your post resonated with me so much. Part of me doesn’t care but when it comes to the house, that’s different. My partner had worked so hard on it to get it looking as lovely as it does. It would break my heart if anything was damaged or ruined etc. He was so particular and made this house a home, with me, were worked hard on it. He’s soul is in this house. It’s just so sad that he doesn’t get to enjoy all his efforts. It makes me angry at everything he doesn’t get to do. He even got his dream job and was due to start in April, he didn’t get to do that!
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@Cadge sorry for your loss. I’m 17 weeks on this journey and I would say it gets more manageable. I’m still devastated and lonely but most of the time I’m able to go through the motions without having a meltdown. I can even get enjoyment when I’m with others. I’m able to look at photos & videos of my husband which I just found far too painful in the first weeks. So yes in a sense it gets easier but I think the sadness & loneliness get more profound, if that makes sense. Take care
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I really hope so i don’t think i could cope with this pain for months years i feel so ill 
xx
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@Cadge i think every person on here would relate to the feelings you are having leading up to the funeral. Do you have people to lean on in the upcoming days? 
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@Cadge my mum loved owls , had owl ornaments all round her house and the month before she passed she bought an owl charm. A couple of days after I was with my sister and my nephew ( he’s 24 and is very close to mum ) he was having a hard time as he felt guilty over something so little and he was struggling wether or not to see Mum . Talked to him and i told him she will send him a sign. I suggested we get out for a walk and right outside my sisters was an owl feather! We went for a walk and we could hear an owl and it was daytime. I truly believe she saw him struggling and let him know .
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Thats so lovely yes i have great support from family my son is here with me too hes not left my side . My light flickers and when i ask him something it flashes on and off its got to be him xx
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I’m glad you are getting some comfort, sending lots of love
Honestly seeing my husband in chapel of rest i found very beautiful. Sad but lovely … i hope funeral goes ok … honestly we all understand. Time seems to stand still doesnt it ? You dont want to move, almost like you’re frozen in time … it will pass that feeling but its a rocky journey, full of highs and lows im not gonna lie to you xxx
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@Deb5 I’m glad you saw him and he was at peace . I couldn’t go I wanted to remember him as he was in life that’s all I could take my love
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