19 year old daughter died

My beautiful kind 19 year old daughter died 10 days ago, just two months after I lost both my parents. The pain is indescribable. She’d had a heart transplant 5 years ago and had been doing well. Then suddenly she arrested in front of me in hospital. Her funeral is tomorrow. I wish with all my heart that I could die too. I read some threads and it seems like the pain will never go. I can’t live like this. How do you go on? Please please help

Oh Sam …I can’t imagine I really can’t …it’s oh so easy to say that u must be strong and think of what ur daughter and parents would want and it’s hard to hear and accept…but please believe it…your daughter must have a been a wonderfully courageous woman to go through what she did. .you now have to do the same for her…and ur parents…I’m ten weeks in from losing my husband and it’s true some days are harder than others and some days I too want to give up…the anger is overwhelming …these people on this site are strong amazing people and they know ur pain …post as much as u can…trust me it gets u through the darkest days …I’m so so sorry for ur loss

Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s strange how losing my daughter has made me quickly come to terms with losing my parents. They were in their 80’s. Both had long and happy lives with little illness until the end but the loss of my daughter is hideous. Just unbearable. I will try and do as you suggest and post on here. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Thank you xxx

Hi Sam, you are not alone,we are all here for you.i don’t know how you cope with loosing your daughter,it’s been bad enough loosing my partner. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care and big hugs to you. Kay.xx

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Oh Sam, I am so very very sorry, hon. Unspeakable loss, and so close to two others. Sam, you don’t HAVE to know how you will go on right now - take that pressure off yourself. How to go on is something you may pick up as you go - there isn’t a blueprint. For now, please just “be,” whatever that is, - and have all the support you can possibly get. You will keep breathing even when you wish you wouldn’t, and it will be normal to feel for awhile as if you can’t function. The pain may never entirely go, but in the next couple of years, you may find ways to work around it. Please also look for support groups for bereaved parents. I know it must be hideous right now - I’m sending you love.

Louise xo

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I am so sorry Sam, I can’t pretend that I understand how you are feeling, but one thing I am sure about and that is, one day, when the time is right, we shall be reunited with our loved ones. I am grieving for my brother and sometimes I do not know where to put myself, he died nearly 3 years ago and it just isn’t getting any easier as time goes by. My best friend, Pam, (friends for nearly 72 years) died 6 months ago to the day after my brother passed, it was a very sudden death, my husband found her after she had suffered a stroke. Most days I just do not know what to do with myself, the yearning to see my brother and friend is unbearable, but we have to carry on, safe in the knowledge that we shall all meet again when the time is right. Take care and be strong, it is hard work, but we shall get there.

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Hi Sam I’m so sorry for your loss I loss my partner in May to a sudden heart attack he was only 48 I feel bad enough so I can’t imagine what you are going through keep posting everything your feeling it helps me.

Take care
Christine x

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Oh Sam I’m so so sorry I’ve lost my husband in June he was 67. That’s hard enough to deal with. You have lost your daughter and parents in just a few weeks. People keep saying stay strong. How the hell can you. I do not know if it is allowed but if you want a friend to chat to I would give my e mail. I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

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Hi Sam just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you today. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been but you are very much in my thoughts. Take care and big hugs to you. Kay. Xx

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Hello Sam,
I am so sorry to hear of your recent losses. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing after the loss of your daughter. I lost my husband 7 months ago, and although my journey has been very hard, I have found that things get harder before they get easier. I have found that taking each day as it comes, works for me. There will be lots of tears and heartache, and lots of triggers too, but it does gradually get a bit easier in small baby steps. Each of us who posts on here has suffered devasting loss, and there is no doubt that your life will be changed in some way forever. But with courage and support you will come through this, and we are all here to help you. Post whenever you feel you need us, we will be here. Tulabelle xx

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Thank you all so much for your kindness. Today was her funeral and was so painful. I can’t believe I won’t see her again. I’m laid in bed and my heart is racing. I just wish it would stop and I could be with her. She was my life and now I feel so empty. I’ve taken painkillers and sleeping tablets so that I can sleep tonight but I dread waking up. I just wish this agony would end.

Hi Sam,
Your pain and longing will fade as you move through your grief journey, but there will be triggers such as your daughter’s birthday for a long time. At first your feelings of sadness and longing for her will be strong, and you will feel very low. But gradually, by a little each day, it will ease and will you grow stronger, and you will be able to think her and your good memories with love. You will never forget her, and she will always be with you, and you will grieve for what might have been as well as what has been lost. It will be a very hard and long journey. Some days will be bearable, and some days you will have to dig very deep because you will feel you can’t cope or simply can’t go on. But always remember that all of us in this community are here for you whenever you need us. Take care, and I hope you get some sleep, with sweet dreams and loving memories. Big hugs and love. Tulabelle xxx

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Hi Sam,

I’m so so sorry hun. I have lost both my sons … they were 33 abd 36 … one died six years ago and one a year ago. It’s just unbearable. I understand your devastation and grief.

All I can say is you just have to get through it in your own way… anything that you need to do you have to allow yourself to do. I am goi g through the mad as hell but at the moment. It’s so so hard.

Sorry sent to before finished. I’m here any time to talk hun … just be gentle on yourself and hold your precious daughter close to your heart.

Sending you hugs and understanding… please don’t suffer alone… always here to talk.

Sue xx

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Hi Sam, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband who had a heart transplant for 10 years and was left with my 2 boys age 3 and 6 at the time. I did remarry but have now lost my now 24 year old son back in March of this year. It was the worst day of my life and I will never get over it but slowly you learn to breath again. Just take baby steps and I always say one day at a time. My other son is now 22 so I go on for him and to honour my other son Ryan. Also my extended family need me as we are all grieving as are his friends but it is so hard to see past your own grief and to see that others need you too. I don’t know what your beliefs are but all I can say is I have had many signs since Ryan’s passing and I was a sceptic before this happened. I feel him around me and have seen a Medium which has given me some comfort knowing he is always going to be around me and I will see him again when my time comes. Go easy on yourself xx

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Thank you Sue. My heart aches for you. I do have a son but he is disabled and has autism. I’ve lost my chance for grandchildren when Emmy died. Selfish I know but it hurts. My son needs me and my husband lives in fear that I might do something to end my life. Can I be honest? I’d love to. I just couldn’t hurt them anymore. But the temptation lingers. Everyday is some level of agony. I torture myself with the ‘what ifs’. I listened to my heart beating this morning and longed for it to stop. I know it has to get easier, at least on some days. I cling on to that thought. You are an incredible lady to try and help me when you’re grief is so raw. Thank you x

Thank you for your kindness. You have not had an easy time. I do get some comfort that Emmy didn’t have children only to leave them motherless. It’s good that you have your other son to help you keep going. My son is disabled and needs me so I have to keep going but part of me resents that I have no choice if I’m honest. I feel like someone has carved a hole in my chest that will never be filled. I want to be able to go on and live again but I just can’t see it now. I’m trying to take things day by day for now. Xx

Hi Sam,

Thank you for your reply. If I am honest I really do t want to be here either. Husband had a breakdown. I have three grandchildren … I know I should be grateful for them and I am… but they are not my own sons! When Pete died his youngest was 4 and the others were 8 and 11… Jamie helped so much with his nephews and niece … he helped me get through it too. Now he is gone … like you I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my husband, grandchildren or other family but it is hard.

I hope you can find some peace in time hun. Its not easy but I think others who have lost a child/children are the only ones who truly understand that overwhelming yearning for them abd that utter devastation. Sending you strength and hugs.

Sue x

Thank you Tulabelle. I really appreciate your kindness and the hope your words give me that the pain will ease. It is pure agony at the moment. I needed to know it will lessen with time. Thank you. I long for the day when I remember her with a smile instead of pain and longing. Xx

Thank you Kay. It is very kind of you. Yesterday was awful but I was so touched by how many people came and how much they all love my beautiful girl. Thank you for being there xx

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