19 years and still grieving

Hi this is my first time talking to anyone regarding my dad.
He died 19 years ago of cancer and it hit me hard but I had a family to look after at the time so always focused on them. Now my children are grown up and I find I can’t talk about my dad without crying and I feel worse every time one of my dad’s brothers or sisters die.
My dad died when he was 62 so quite a young age but I now have my 50th coming up and I seem to feel that as every year passes I’m getting closer and closer to the age that he died.
People say I should go and see my GP but I’m a person who cannot speak about my emotions and always say I’m ok when I’m not.
Can anyone relate to how I’m feeling x

Hello Ronnie, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and that you’re still struggling which some people do and that’s okay. My dad passed away 9 months ago, I’ve only just turned 19, I’m really struggling recently but that’s because I’ve kept myself busy since he passed and I haven’t had time to grieve, I think you need to grieve properly. I think you should definitely see your GP even if you can’t speak to them about your feelings because they can still give you advice on what you can do about it and other ways to help you. Online chats like this website or others could also help you as you are typing to someone rather than in person which may help you. I think that no one will every get over losing a loved one you just need to try and find a way to cope with it easier and bring some positivity out of it, since my dad passed I have started to donate blood as he had blood transfusions which helped him a lot when he was in hospital, so I’m now giving back. Hope this helped in any way possible, sending love. Phoebe x

Hi phoebe
Thank you for your reply.
I’m sorry for your loss it is so hard isn’t it.
Everyone in my family seem to have moved on apart from me and I really don’t know why. Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.
Have you been to your GP if you have do you know what kind of questions they ask as I think this is what stops me from going as I don’t want them to ask me something and I end up breaking down.
I’m glad you are finding some way of giving back.
Take care sending lots of love
From Ronnie x

Hey Ronnie, you’re more than welcome. Yes it is so hard, I feel like everyone in my family have moved on from it too but I’m still caught up in it. I have decided that i am going to see my GP and I know it’s for the best, you should too. They will just generally ask you how you are feeling, if you’re sleeping, eating, how often you feel down, things like that too see if you have anything and to see how they can help, I cried in front of my doctor before speaking about my dad because I got run down and got ill from it because my stress levels were too high but they are understanding and won’t rush you. I think it’s for the best that you do go and you could also take someone with you if you find it hard explaining it. Hope this has helped, take care. Phoebe x

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