Hi. I lost my beautiful wife on 28 may and on the 1st August it would have been our 23 wedding anniversary.
My question to the group is how do I handle it. The day is booked off as we would have been away.
Dreading this date as it’s the first major of the firsts
This probably won’t help you jay but I’m a logical person and anniversaries don’t get to me any more than any other day. On our wedding anniversary I put 2 cards up - one from me to David and one from him to me. They’re cards from a previous year. I wasn’t any more sad on the day than I was the previous day or the following day, because I miss my man every single minute of every single day. On the 19th June, it was the 3 year anniversary of his passing - I went to work. I could see no point sitting at home moping. Maybe I’m in the minority here and I’m sorry if any offence is caused. I appreciate that some can find the day very emotional and I respect that. There is no right or wrong way Jay. We do what is best for us and I’m sure you will too.Take care. xx
3 Likes
Your message isn’t offensive at all, logically you’re correct, it is just another day, but our emotions are often not logical, and anniversaries can remind us of previous happy times, or what we could have been doing today, so I can understand why Jay is dreading it. I hated my dad’s birthday in May, then Father’s Day last month, and then it will be my birthday in a few weeks. All it will do is remind me of previous birthdays, and that if my dad was still here, how he would be wishing me Happy Birthday, so it is going to be a difficult day.
What I will do is update my WhatsApp status by posting a message to him in the morning, then in the afternoon post a message on this site, then in the evening make a donation to his favourite charity (kids with cleft palate) in his name. It’s just symbolic things to remind me of him, that’s my way of coping, I hope you’re able to find your own way of coping, Jay, I know it will be very difficult.
1 Like
Thank you. Ever since we got married we was always away even if it was a cheap hotel stay. Just finding it difficult thinking about the stay as we had something nice planned. No offence taken as I was asking how others handled it.
1 Like
Birthday Anniversary I will do the same as Kate and put our old cards up. Can we feel any worst on these days x
Will look for them. She will always be my girl.
very sorry for your loss,but since day one of losing my soulmate Jayne as been heart breaking,the only 2 days I will try do something,was Jaynes birthday I paid for Karen ,Doug ,Dave Marcia and Daniel and went for a meal I asked the restaurant if it was ok bring a bottle of wine,i dont drink but ive still got several of Jayne fav wines,so Karen whose Jayne best female friend did the honurs with toasting in Jaynes memory,
it was for Jayne and me and it was no worse than any other day since losing Jayne.the other is our fisrt date which I couldn’t do anything as the lockdown put a stop to it,but will try do same thing as Jaynes birthday on our first date anniversary next year.
if you want to remember your anniversary do something you both enjoyed anything which you feel brought you closer or something or some where you both loved visiting.
you could just get your favourite bottle of wine or favorite meal and have a quiet time in,and shed a few tears and let your emotions flow,but in essence its another day with the loves of our lives and no day to me feels any worse.
thats my humble opinionated opinion.
do what ever you feel like doing.
takr care.
2 Likes
Thank you. Just helps to hear what others do as I had booked a special few days away but that’s all cancelled now as could not do it on my own.
Just can’t believe she was here 6 weeks ago. 
Dear Kate,
I agree with you, every day is the same, as far as grief is concerned, it is not the date which counts, in August it is my birthday, the anniversary of our engagement, on my 19th birthday the anniversary (the first one) of Stan’s death and on the 10th September we would have celebrated 60 years of marriage.
x x x x
1 Like
I had a clear out of my loft Mick never threw cards away I was amazed to see how many he put in box’s up there it’s my sons birthday on the 1st Aug I will put the card off me and his dad and always will
1 Like
Hi , I put up two cards also. I find the build up to, ‘the day’ Worse than the actual day. During the build up I have lots of panic attacks and tears. Strangely though on the day, my birthday, his birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc I feel a lot calmer.
1 Like
Panic attacks are awful only recently started to get them I keep telling myself he’s never coming back then get so worked up thinking I’ve accepted his not here I thought would have been easier x
Hi Jay. I have only just joined this forum but I know exactly how you feel. My husband had stage 3 pancreatic cancer and I never thought he would die. They told me he needed a week in hospice to build him up. I saw him deteriorate so quickly within a few days. He always had a lovely tanned skin and a good physique but I knew he was dying because for a day or two he never phoned me. He said he had no strength to pick phone up. Then I saw his legs. They were like matchsticks and I just knew. On our first Anniversary I was determined to go out but I re lived the whole thing and watched the clock for the time he died. It affected me for days afterwards. Our anniversary is 4th July independence day and this year I survived it much better. But he was my world and I still think about him every minute of every day although the shock has eased. I am so sorry for your loss too. I feel my life is just empty now although I still laugh and have fun until the wave of grief hits me again. I hope you manage to cope on your anniversary. It is so hard.
I am only just learning how to use this site. So I did not know how to reply to everyone but I endorse everything you have all said and thank you for all being there for each othet
2 Likes
So sorry. I’ve now signed up for councelling as struggling. Don’t know how they can help but trying everything I can. I say this so others may look for ways to help them selves.
I go to bed every night not worried if I don’t wake up. But I do. Keep supporting
Jay I have counselling via phone calls from NHS when I started I could speak just cried 2 months of talking to the counsellor I am able to tell them more it’s helping me just talking to a stranger and getting things off my chest I feel if I constantly talk to my friends or family about Mick they may get fed up with me some think after 3 months we should start going on but does not work like that hope it helps and never say sorry.
1 Like