I found this link after being told I am experiencing anticipatory grief and thought I might find people who have been through this and can offer some advice for the weeks ahead or maybe someone going through the same thing that we can support each other.
I am so scared and emotions are confusing right now after being told my husband has almost reached final stages of life after a very long illness and a some very difficult hospital admissions. 3 times I have been told to say goodbye and he has somehow pulled through and now that I have had this experience I am totally bewildered and unable to face what is coming next.
Thank you for reading this
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Dear @Jen64
Thank you for posting and welcome to the community.
You are likely to be experiencing a variety of emotions at the moment, worrying about your husband and how long he may have left to live, and also worrying about what the future holds.
Take time to talk to him and say the things that are important to you right at this moment. Tell him that you love him, and talk about the good times that you have shared.
Don’t be afraid to cry or to ask for help.
There are many people within this community who will have had similar experiences, who will be able to share those with you.
Thank you for reaching out to the community for support.
Jolene
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@Jolene1 thank you for taking the time to reply to my plea. This is such a lonely journey and it is so sad that we have to say goodbye to our loved ones too soon but it’s with huge relief that this group exists to support each other during our grief
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Hello Jen,
This must be awful for you. I’m sure you are feeling completely wrung out. But what love you have been showing your husband, it seems he’s not ready to leave you yet.
Can you receive support from those who told you about this type of grief? MacMillan nurses are fantastic, can you access the palliative care team? If you have faith or not, the hospital chaplaincy may be able to support you.
I am sending a virtual hug to you. I’m new here today too and hope you can find some of what you need here.
Take care,
Susie xx
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@Susie4
Hi Susie, I’m sorry to read you have suffered a loss and hope you find some comfort on this community page,
Thank you for your kind reply to my post, we have been offered hospice care at home by the palliative care team but I am struggling to come to terms with this and feel that once I go down that road it’s almost accepting the end so I am trying to manage his care myself.
Sending you a big hug & lots of love xx
Hi Jen64, I too joined this group only yesterday after losing my dear husband to cancer only a month ago. Being told that your loved one is terminally ill and there is nothing more they can offer is very hard to deal with and like you I think I started to grieve before he actually passed. I accepted the help from hospice at home, the ladies that came were so kind to my husband and I was grateful not only for their practical help but also knowing a ‘professional’ was calling every day who could answer my questions and offer me support was a great help. You need to look after yourself too. I found I wasn’t sleeping or eating properly and didn’t want to leave the house for any length of time. We must each do what feels right, but I would recommend you take any help you can get, so that you can go back to being his wife and not just his carer. Sending you positive vibes.
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Dear @Lilly17 I am deeply sorry to hear of the very recent loss of your husband. Thank you for your kind advice, you will know first hand how hard this is having just gone through what is excruciating pain and bewilderment. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and I send my warmest regards to you xx
Hello,
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I faced something a little similar with my Mum in April.
This group is a real help and so many have shared experiences that can help you feel less alone.
Caring for someone who is very unwell can put you on high alert all the time - and can be exhausting. (Of course, they’re worth it because we love them.)
Be kind to yourself and look for support - in all the different forms it’s offered. (If it feels right / at the right time for you).
I am amazed at how resilient people can be. Although, a cry a, scream or anything else that gets you through is probably a very good idea.
Take care
Stephen
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Hi Jen,
Thanks for your lovely message.
I had experience of palliative care at home many years ago with my Dad, it was wonderful. They became involved about 10 days before Dad died and gave my mum and me huge courage, lots of ideas about how to help my dad be comfortable and pain-free. I remember feeling very enabled by the nurses’ presence and they took away much of the fear.
I do understand your reluctance though. Talk to the staff, they will have seen other people experiencing what you are going through. They are there for you too, not just your husband.
Take care.
Susie xx
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I completely understand what you are going through as I had very similar situation with my dear husband. He had been ill for a long time and they sent him home from hospital to spend his final days at home.
I can only say spend as much time as possible with him, talk about the happy times you had together, and accept as much help as you can get.
I’m so glad I was able to be with my husband, holding his hand when he died at home, surrounded by his family.
I do hope you have lots of support to help you get through such an awful time.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of any help to you.
Sending lots of love and hugs x
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Dear @AnneC
Thank you for your very kind message. I am so sorry that you lost your husband, I hope you are still getting lots of support from your family.
I honestly don’t know where we get the strength to go through this, I feel my knees buckle every day but despite feeling exacerbated by the lack of support, somehow I get through and then repeat the following day. We had a visit from the community nurse today for an assessment, not sure what or anything will come of it but I can but hope for something.
Thank you for the hug that is gratefully received and a hug back for you x
Hi @Moomin …Stephen,
Thank you for your kind message that is gratefully received. This is such a stressful time and you are right on point with what you say.
I live in hope that we do get some kind of support before my husbands life ends as it is exhausting and finding space to scream, swear and stamp my feet is becoming less as time goes on.
Nothing prepares you for this but thankfully there is support here from people who know first hand what it entails
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