2 1/2 years

It’s been 2 1/2 years and my grief has changed…It is constantly with me, sometimes buried & silent, often pouncing on me out of the blue… I try stay away from the memories of his last days, and to remember him & not his fate (Dido’s Lament). Grief has changed me irreperably. Sadness has taken the place of joy.
All my spiritual beliefs left me on the day he died. Some days I envy those who have strong religious convictions. I know nothing now, I believe nothing now. In one fell swoop, I became agnostic. At my end there will be something, or there will not. This makes me look at my life, my world through different eyes.

I found this poem:
It’s been months
and I can still
feel you in the rooms that
never held you;
imagine how strong
your presence is
in the chambers of my heart.
Jessica Katoff


Hello Heather
It’s 8 months for me since my darling partner Sunny died. He was my best friend, my advisor, my love, my life. We were so compatible. I feel very much the same as you in terms of faith. He was a Sikh, I was brought up a Catholic. I now feel that nothing is there beyond this life. I’d love to be wrong about it but I kind of know that I’m not.
Love and peaceful times to you
Sophie x

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I agree and can’t explain why , but my beliefs have also changed .I now believe before we were born we were unaware and the same will be after our deaths.
Maybe the reality of losing our most precious people was so brutal we now are unable to believe in anything other than facts .