Hi , I’ve never posted before, however I’ve got to a point where I’ve bottled up / shut out from the passing of my dad on christmas day coming up for 2 years this christmas.This time of year is completely overwhelming me and causing a lot of inner anxiety which is actually giving me digestive issues and stomach pain.Since my dad’s passing I feel like I have basically been very isolated.Feel like I’m just going to break down with all this inner turmoil .My partners response is ‘your fine’ as he genuinely doesn’t understand.Also my mum ,brother and sister all do their thing now, and I feel the family unit we had is not there now . Any form of understanding/advice is appreciated.
Hello @Dionne16,
Thank you for your first post. I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. It sounds like things have been really difficult, and you are now feeling overwhelmed and anxious in the build-up to the anniversary and Christmas.
If you’re struggling to cope with the sadness, anger or any other emotion brought up during this time, we’re here to help. You can visit our coping with grief at Christmas guide at Coping with grief at Christmas | Sue Ryder
If you’d like additional support from us, please feel free to explore our online bereavement services, which may be helpful to you. sueryder.org/support
You may also find our pages about Death Anniversaries helpful: Remembering a loved one: death anniversary | Sue Ryder
Take good care,
Alex
Many thanks for this reply, greatly appreciated
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I just wanted to reach out to you to say that I have experienced something similar with my family.
After my dad passed in 2020 relations became strained with my two older brothers, it was a very stressful 5 years looking after my mum with just hostility from them. My mum passed away in April this year and I now have virtually no contact with my brothers. One lives just a couple of miles from me, and I feel it’s such a shame that we’ve not been able to comfort each other during this painful time. I have a very supportive partner, who has also recently lost his father (his family are still there for each other) and I have an adult daughter. My daughter chose to move miles away the week after my mum passed. This hurt me, and I’m still struggling to come to terms with this. My daughter and I have always been close, and we still communicate regularly by phone.
I had bereavement counselling and we discussed this. My thoughts now on it, is that everyone processes their grief in different ways and this can cause a divide. Some people get angry, some become isolated, and some decide to run away from it. I live in hope that as time goes on, and we all get older, our perspectives will change on what’s important and these fractured relationships will start to heal.
In the meantime, and the advice I’d give to you, is to look after yourself - eat/sleep well, get exercise/fresh air, and keep socialising with friends/colleagues. Maybe get some counselling too. I found it helps to talk to someone about your thoughts and fears.
Hope this helps you. Take care.