2 years since mums death

My mum died nearly 2 years ago. I was 22 and her death was sudden in her sleep at our home. There was never a cause of death determined. Id given borth 7 weeks before her death to my first child he was 10 weeks early like he knew already that he had to be here to meet his nanny.
As time goes on i thought it would get easier but i still feel so alone and the pain is still as stong as it has ever been. I feel like it happened just yesterday. I feel bad for having to live my life and just carry on like everything is fine. I dont have anyone to talk to and i just feel like nothing will ever get better for me. I cant face the thought of even visiting the cemetry when i think about it i cry. If anyone has any suggestions that maybe will help just even a little bit i would be grateful

Dear ‘Youllnever walk alone’,

Two years may seem a long time for people who have not lost a loved one, but I can relate to how you feel, My dad died two years ago, and time seems to have stood still since then, it does indeed feel like it happened only yesterday. O, how I miss his phone calls, his love and care, his cheerfulness, his wisdom. Unlike you, I am not a young person, my dad had reached a very good old age and we had time to say good bye. Your loss was so very sudden and at that same time you were a new mum, with a premature baby. So much to cope with at once, but what a comfort to know that your mum did have the chance to meet her grand child. There must be so many moments where you wished you could share the milestones in your son’s life with her and that must be really hard. You mustn’t feel bad for ‘having to live your life’, I am sure your mum would have wanted you to keep going and you also have a little boy who needs you. Two year olds can be quite exhausting (our son is 17, but I remember that time well!), and so is grieving, so make sure you look after yourself well, and try to get enough sleep and eat well. You write that you don’t have anyone to talk to. I am fortunate to have 3 sisters and even though they live in Holland, we support each other via phone calls and What’sApp. When my son was 2, I often felt lonely and isolated, and what helped me was to go to mother and toddler groups. Would that be an option for you?
I would not worry too much about not feeling ready to go to the cemetary. Just go when you feel the time is right, and if you cry, so what? Letting our tears flow can be very helpful.
I do hope that you will find support from this online community as well as making friends in your area, because I know from experience that trying to cope on your own is very hard.
Take care, and feel free to message me any time you want.
Jo

I lost my mum 3 years ago, every year no matter how long it doesn’t seem to get better. Happened out of no where and I’ve been upset and angry ever since. I understand where you are coming g from the pain I go through on a day to day basis.

Hi,
My mum passed away 2 years this June from cancer. She was the kindest, funniest person and since she has gone i feel like a piece of me has died. In my happiest moments I always feel a sadness in the background because I can’t share it with her. I tried to always be there for her, but the day she passed away I wasn’t & I feel so much guilt that she was alone. For a good portion of my day, I go over & over in my head all the things I wish I had said & things I wish I hadn’t. She loved talking to stranger or sing out loud & I always did the typical child thing of tell her to stop because I was embarrassed & I wish I hadn’t. She was so wonderful & I’m left with all this love that I don’t know what to do with.
Jen

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