My husband of 40 yers died 2 years ago. I’m feeling sadder and more lost now than in the beginning, is this normal?
4 Likes
I to feel that it seems to come in waves I’m sorry to hear that you also feel sad
Hi, there’s a poem that talks about the sea and tide and that you learn to move up the beach as the tide comes in, sorry I used to have to read this out loud and always wanted ask how long before I learn to move up the beach. It’s little by little, tiny baby steps but you do move up the beach, just don’t look for any improvement but others do see you your life is changing, again little by little.
You will get there. S xxx
1 Like
My husband died 3 years ago and it was the anniversary of his death on Saturday
I coped with it much better but I still shred a bucketful of tears at the time of his death. Yet I feel that this year had been my worst. I just feel that nothing has any purpose anymore. Nothing interests me
Although I find it easier to cope with situations now. Holidays don’t interest me and I do voluntary work in a field where I was once a manager but I think of it as just a way of passing time. I can laugh sometimes but in my heart I feel I have died.
I get by in trying to maintain close friendships but the loneliness never leaves me.
6 Likes
Angiejo2, you do seem to understand how to deal with this horrible thing called grieving. It’s hard and there’s always a hole in everything we do because that special person is no longer with us.
If you feel that what you are volunteering doing dose not full fill your expectations then think of a change. After 3 years you may think the worst should be behind you but honestly grieving doesn’t have a timetable or end date and is different for everyone. All I can say is I think we learn to live with the pain, a bit like backache, it’s always there and no matter what treatment it is still there. Enjoy the good days and remember tomorrow may be different. Stay safe and try to keep smiling. S xx
Thank you Susie.
You described it perfectly how I feel. Today I had to attend hospital for a very unpleasant procedure which has left me feeling really sore and uncomfortable but I dealt with it on my own and had a pleasant hour with my friend tonight. As you say there is no time limit on grieving. It is like being lost until someone finds you again.
Take care and more than ever because when you are grieving things take longer to heal, physically. Xx
If you’re normal I must be too. I’m 18 months in and feel a whole heap worse than early on.
Just hope it’s a peak-and-trough graph rather than a trend.
@Lonely You may have said it before but you manage to express in your first para especially
that push and pull, wanting to move on, being pulled back, wanting to be pulled back, not knowing quite what you want, time pushing you on whatever you want anyway, the nonsensical mess. Funny, how times and dates trigger those feelings. Sometimes it’s even day length. The days now are about the same kind of darkish in the morning and darkish in the evening that it was …the specific date doesn’t matter.
Oh I don’t know. I’m rambling.
Anyway, thanks for not rambling. Like I say, first paragraph’s a gem. To the point. Seven years. Lord above. It’s unimaginable.
Sheila
I love your testimony after 7 years as if I live that long I feel mine will be the same . Luckily my husband met and loved all nine of our grandchildren . He passed away from prostate cancer just two years ago. We had been together 55 years and married almost 50.
I thank God for the time we had but still wish it could have been longer ! Our group of friends are still all couples and have celebrated their golden weddings . It’s hard but they are all kind and caring . I often wish I could go to sleep and not wake up BUT that isn’t the way life is .
I read on here much sadder stories of accidental deaths, premature deaths , couples who have had such little time together etc . I thank God for my memories , my family, my friends and take one day at a time .
I am still very sad and still grieving but that’s life now . Take care 
1 Like
Thank you so much for reposting that saying, its just what I needed to read, it has helpe me so much, yes it made me cry, but its a comforting cry, I too now realise I have fulfilled my husbands wish, to spend the rest of his days with me, he was always telling me that. I’ve not looked at it that ways before, so thank you for showing me. Bless you all on this journey. Don’t know what I’d do without my daily reads, they do help, thank you all. hugs, Chrissy3
2 Likes
Lizzieloo my husband died 2 yrs ago this month after 50 years nearly and I’m feeling just the same as you I was doing ok I thought now I’m feeling worse than ever what’s going on !!!
Sheila thank you it was so good to read what you had written it felt like my life as well it’s so lovely to think I’m not on my own thank goodness for this site I’m so glad I found it x Liz
1 Like
Everything related to grief is “normal”. We experience a roller coaster ride of emotions. The longer we go on the more realistic it becomes that we’re really alone now. I too was with my husband 40 years. Next Saturday is the first Anniversary of his passing, and if truth be told, it feels like I lost him yesterday.
Barbara 
1 Like
My husband died almost 2years ago. I don’t know how I get through each day. I don’t want to be alive,I tried suicide but failed, oh how I wished it had worked, this grief never goes away. I can go days without seeing or speaking to somebody. The loneliness is all consuming. If anyone has an answer I would be so grateful
1 Like
Hi Mag,
I’m so sorry to hear that your husband died almost 2 years ago. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
-
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
-
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
-
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
-
- If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You mentioned that the loneliness you’re feeling is all consuming, which sounds really difficult and I’m sure the world situation over the past year or so has not helped. The NHS have some useful information about loneliness and sources of support here, which might be worth a look at: Get help with loneliness - NHS
You deserve care and support so please, Mag, get in touch with one of these services. Keep writing here if it helps - you’re not alone in this community and you will find plenty of kindness and support.
Take care,
Eleanor
So sorry to hear about you. I am 2 years 17 days into losing my beautiful Wife of 40 years. She was my whole world. We had no children … but had each other. Now she has gone (at 59 !!!.. just cruel) what’s the point? I so understand. Try to be strong. Big hug x
Here I am again very early in the morning, wide awake and shaking knowing I have another lonely day ahead. I haven’t eaten a meal for months hoping to die. Look like a stick insect but still here. If I was a dog in such distress I would be put down, it’s not fair. Why is it getting worse rather than better? I miss Steve so much that I swear at him for leaving me. There must be an answer to such agony
1 Like
So sad. I understand completely. I drink whiskey as i am sure it will shorten my life. Like you, i need my beautiful Wife. Everybody tells me my Wife wouldn’t want me to be like this, and she wouldn’t. I didn’t want her to die, but she did. The pain is unbearable and i totally get how you feel. Take care.
2 Likes