29 days

So it’s been 29 days since my husband died. He was diagnosed with liver cancer on 19th March. Got fluid build up in his stomach 23rd April, the fluid got infected so went to hospital at 1.20pm and at 12.35 am on the 24th April he died. He went from having a slight tummy ache to dying in 11 hours. I am just feeling so lost. We got together when I was 16 (I’m now 48) and he has always just been there. And now he isn’t. I don’t even know if I’ve accepted it yet - I mean I know he’s gone but but it’s like my mind is refusing to accept it. It all just feels so surreal.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I got together with my husband when we were 16, he was 50 when he went out for a run, collapsed and died. We are still waiting on the report to know why. My life went from being happy and full to being empty. It is just an existence now. I understand how completely devastating it is. Sending hugs

@Mrsa73 hi I am so very sorry for your loss I lost my soulmate pauline on 14th April it does feel so unreal all I can say is take one day at a time even one minute at a time that’s what I have been doing and keep talking on here you will find support here I know I have and it helps a little I’m often around if you need to chat I will always reply when I see the text stay safe take care my thoughts are with you on this horrendous journey

Hi, you summed it up - I just seem to be existing. I have to force myself to get up in the mornings as I think what’s the point. So up I get and I keep myself busy all day (painted the kitchen today!) then go to bed again and do it all again tomorrow. It’s just so damn hard. I look out the window and see life goes on but for me it just seems to have stopped. When he died so did my hopes and dreams for the future- now I have to plan for a different one without him and I’ve no idea what that will be.

Thanks for the message. The first couple of weeks I was definitely living hour by hour. Now it’s more day by day. And my god the day seems sooo long. I try to keep busy but life now seems so scary without him. Stupid things get to me now. One of my curtain rails broke today and it hit me that he’s not here to fix it and l don’t know how to bloody fix it. Tomorrow will be a YouTube tutorial search for hanging curtain rails. How stupid is that. I just feel so bloody useless without him.

Yes, all of my plans were entwined with his. We loved travelling and now what do I do - go alone and not have the joy of sharing the experience or not go and see the places we wanted to? We loved sitting in the garden, now it just makes me sad because he’s not there. We went for walks, which I have been doing with friends but it’s not the same. And the long evenings without him to talk to. Like you say, you can distract yourself by doing something but it is an existence not a life.

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@Mrsa73 it is scary without them and yes the days seem so long but don’t be hard on yourself you are grieving and that takes a lot out of us we are having to find a new way of life now which is so hard without our soulmates its not what we want or would have chosen but I believe they can hear us and I talk to pauline all the time go easy on yourself you are going through heartache and it takes a lot out of us my thoughts are with you

I lost my wife 2 months ago. She had sudden chest pain and passed 12 hours later. She’s just 50. I met her at 17. She was my only love, my best friend, my rock. She was a perfect mom and was the best friend of our 14 yo daughter.
How I yearn for the chatters after dinner in our balcony every evening, the walks we had together, the travelling, the joyful moment the 3 of us have had…
We were planning our retirement next year. We’ve chosen the place. We both loved it. We were looking forward to many more years together. Now everything is gone.
This new reality of having to face everything on our own is strange and stressful. Unfortunately we don’t have any alternative.
Be strong. Take care of yourself.