The 2nd anniversary of my wife’s passing is coming soon, I still find it hard to process the events which led to her passing in a hospital bed, I sit at home sometimes thinking I need to stay here just incase she returns to the house as she has no keys to get in. The period of time leading up to her passing seems to be on a loop which continually plays in my head, I can remember discussions word for word with the hospital consultants, I can remember vividly my wife telling me that she has had enough. My wife clothes, perfumes, belongings are all still in the same places where she left them, I miss her terribly and at the moment I cannot seem to accept that she has gone for good. I have returned to full time work which I thought would help me focus my attention on other issues but I find myself unable to focus properly on any aspect of my work, I also have trouble absorbing conversations with colleagues as I constantly have this loop play over and over again in my mind, life been tough as both parents passed just before my wife, I sometimes wonder if things will ever get better.
That sounds so hard 
…I’m sorry xx
I’m not sure if this will help, and I’m definitely not qualified in this area, but I wonder if you have PTSD.
I had it after giving birth, traumatic time…and I had the same kind of loop you describe.
Therapy called EMDR therapy that I got on the NHS really worked to stop these loops/videos being played.
It may be something to look into if what I say resonates at all.
Xx
@johno1 Hi Johno. So sorry to hear of your loss. I miss my partner and it has only been 12 weeks or so since she died. I have trouble concentrating on things sometimes and it is difficult to look at the possessions, clothes, jewellery etc that are still in the house. Have you had a chat with your GP about how you feel? There are organisations that they might be able to refer you to for counselling or other services that are appropriate. I think that Sue Ryder also offers bereavement counselling. Perhaps @Seaneen or one of the other admins on the forum can provide you with some links. In the meantime, if talking on here may help as there are a lot of people going through similar circumstances and there is some good advice out there if you ask. Best Wishes
Hi @johno1, I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. As @JustSomeBloke says, Sue Ryder offer Online Bereavement Counselling which you may want to explore. There’s a little bit of a waiting list at the moment, but you can register here: Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder
We have some information about complicated grief in this video. Complicated grief is when grief doesn’t seem to change or shift at all. In complicated grief, you can find yourself ‘stuck’, perhaps unable to feel sad or cry, or perhaps you feel too sad to manage your day-to-day life. You might recognise some of what you are feeling here.
I would echo what @butterfly4 has advised - it might be a good idea to make an appointment with your GP to talk about what extra support they can offer you. It sounds like things are very tough for you right now and you deserve help and support.
Please do keep reaching out and take good care,
Seaneen
Always here johno1 to listen to your thoughts.