3 months in...

T died 3 months ago today. 3 months ago today, we were in the hospice. He was unconscious. His breathing so laboured at this point. His shoulders rolling to grab every breath. He wanted to live so much, to be with us, to stay with us. He had so much still to do. Cancer thought differently. And now he has been gone 3 months and I have changed so much in that time. By necessity. To survive. To carry on. I have toughened up. Hardened off. Built my protective shell, hewn from the granite of grief. I sit here, looking out at the mountains. We had a big snowfall here last night. Almost as though T wanted to paint the world white for me when I woke up - to face this milestone, this day. I leave here on Tuesday, to return to the UK. Back to more silence and absence, to the next battle in administration, probate and change. I am ready for it. I miss you, T. I miss you more than I say, more than I can write.


Dear @Vancouver

I find your post full of positivity and strength. Thank you for sharing. I do hope you have a safe journey to the UK. Don’t be silent on here. Please reach out so you do not feel alone. We are all here for you.

Take care.


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It’s a year today for my H. I walked in the sunshine on the park and had a chat with him. It was silent nobody else on the park The birds were singing and I felt a calm wash over me. I miss H more than I can possibly express in words. He was my life as he would say this is the whole thing. I love you baby x


@Nel dear Nel my thoughts are with on this hard day. I hope you have support today. I’m sure your H knows just how much you love and miss him. Love and hugs casey xxx