3 months...it doesn't get any easier

Dad died 3 months ago from a sudden catastrophic brain haemorrhage. I still can’t believe hes gone, I’ve had some vivid dreams recently that it was all a mistake and that dads alive. Ive been back at work the past month and its been hard putting on a brave face and stepping out of my grief bubble. I really dont know how Ive got to this point, I just hope that mum and dad would be proud of me. Sorry bit of a rambling message.

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Hi Alex

My Dad died 2 months ago unexpectedly. The pain of losing him is the greatest I have ever felt. You have reminded me of a dream my dad told me he had. When he arrived to hospital ( 2 weeks prior to his death ) he had begun in experiencing breathing problems, a swollen arm and an increase in what was already great pain. - His dream was that all of these symptoms had gone and he was better. But he woke up and they were still there.

Every time a memory like this is jogged it feels new all over again. And so vivd. And the powerless and heartbreak at seeing him suffer spills out of me and tears don’t feel enough to release it.

I’m so so sorry for your recent loss and also for that of your Mum too. You are so brave and courageous. I’m sure they would be so so proud of you. How could they not be.

Hi Alex

My mum also died 3 months ago of a catastrophic brain hemorrhage. I also have no idea how I have survived and even today, 15 weeks down the line, I have been breaking down every half an hour.
My dad died 21 years ago of a sudden massive heart attack aged 53.
I cant bear that I’m without them and feel like I will never be the same again.
I constantly question why mum had the brain hemorrhage, why didn’t I see the signs, is there anything I could have done to save her?
Lots of questions that I will never have answers to x

Thank you Lucy Jane, I’m sorry to hear about your Dad. I think the suddeness is the thing I still struggle to process. It was different with mum as we knew she wss poorly for some time.

I know what you mean, tears sometimes just don’t express the depth of pain I feel. When im having a grief heavy day as I call it, I often just find myself staring into space.

C1971, so sorry you have had to go through that too. I still replay the events leading up to what happened and with hindsight could see that Dad wasnt himself before but I didnt and now starting to accept that I couldnt stop what was about to happen. We could torture ourselves over every little detail but its not going to bring them back and Im trying to be kind to myself and not blame myself for not texting or ringing sooner etc but its hard not to xxxx

Thanks Alex,

It’s the not knowing why it happened that’s hard. My mum had a mini stroke on the 2nd june but was doing so well.she was told that she soukd bd on aspirin for a year to gradually break down the small blood clot in her brain and that she would need a bit of rehab to get her left arm a big stronger. She was so positive and so happy.
On the 13th June mum attended hospital where she underwent a routine procedure under local anaesthetic to clear an artery. 15 minutes after the procedure she suffered a catastrophic brain hemorrhage and never regained consciousness.
It has been the most shocking and awful time. My mum was so surprised she had a mini stroke and looked the healthiest person on the ward, feeling a fraud when she received visitors.
It has absolutely destroyed my world.
I hope you are coping ok x

Hi Alex,

Sorry to hear about your dad - my mum died 6 months ago very unexpectedly, I still have vivid dreams about her coming back and telling me it’s not real…I think it’s just our minds playing tricks on us and acting out what we want to be true. Sometimes it’s comforting and sometimes it’s a cruel reminder of my new life now.

My mum also said when she was in hospital that her mum and sister (who have both passed away) came to visit her and told her she’s not ready to visit them yet but will be shortly - the nurses told me she was having vivid dreams and I’m not sure I believe in the afterlife but after these crazy 6 months I guess anything is possible?

Anyway I hope you are ok today and I’m sure your parents would be very proud of you, even just posting on here is a step in the right direction xxxxxx

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