3 years but feels like yesterday

It’s been three years since I lost my soulmate and best friend and although I have settled into a new routines I feel empty and so lonely especially in the evenings. It was during lockdown that Lesley was taken into hospital for tests and diagnosed with secondary cancer following breast cancer some ten years earlier. Two weeks without being able to visit was horrible before she came home for what was to be her final week with us. I looked after her 24/7 before she passed away, a week which is both a horrible memory and also a week I treasure due to the calm inner strength she had knowing what was to come. Three years on the pain of losing her has not gone away, the plans we had for our retirement together a distant memory. I am lucky that being self employed I have been able to continue working, without my work I am not sure what life would be like with all those hours to fill. Weekends and evenings are bad enough without days as well. On a positive note I do have a little four legged companion in the form of Amber our 7 year old Cockerpoo, she is my little shadow, following me around, settling down in whatever room I happen to be in. Coming home to this bundle of fur bouncing around to greet me is wonderful. Life will never be the same, sleeping for a complete night still eludes me, watching something on TV and suddenly finding yourself crying for no reason will continue to happen. I am 67, in reasonable health so could in theory have 25% of my life ahead of me. I am convinced that things will get better, the pain will never go away but the 38 years we had together will not change, the memories will always be there. I meet a lot of single people who have lost partners through my work, we all share the same pain of loss, the same loneliness, especially in the evenings no matter how many years have passed. My heart goes out to all of you, especially those whose loss is very recent, life is hard but take time to grieve and don’t rush to move on. Love to you all.


@Ian10 Hi there and many thanks for such an honest and insightful post. It’s always good to hear how people are getting on further down the line so to speak. For me it’s a lot shorter, I’m at 9 months since losing my wife. One of the most beneficial activities I’ve found is coming on here and sharing my experience with others, just getting out how I am feeling and chatting with people on the same path. I’m reaching many of the conclusions and understanding that you have expressed, it’s good to know that from your experience this is something we share, that I may have found a path. It’s good to know what I might expect to encounter as I move forward. Many thanks!


@Ian10 your spot on no matter how much time has passed…it’s the loneliness, the longing for them and the total shift in what was once a normal happy life. I am still looking for my husband everyday and it’s 21 months down the road. I miss him terribly and always will, it’s a case of adjusting to life without him that hurts the most :face_holding_back_tears:. It’s good you can talk to others who know what you’re going through. Take care :blush:


Losing our planned retirement together is what I find so terribly difficult. It means I haven’t just lost him. I have also lost me. I am trying very hard but can’t see any point in doing the things we planned to do together on my own.