I haven’t posted here for a while. It’s been nearly 3 years since my mom died. I can’t believe it. I am really struggling with it all, i can’t tell anyone as I feel that no one will really understand.
the grief feels so raw. I think the first year I was in shock, 2nd year my dad had 2 knee replacements & a hip replacement so I was looking after him & my MIL died.
I just feel like now I am living the reality of it all. I have come down on one of my medications, which in all honesty numbed it all. Which was good, but guess masked my feelings.
I just miss her so much, she was my best friend. We talked every day, messaged all day long. She was just the most beautiful wonderful person.
I do struggle with the trauma of how she died. We only found out 2 hours before she died that she had metastatic ovarian cancer despite multiple GP, hospital appointments and her being in hospital for her final 12 days.
It’s just so hard waking up everyday knowing she isn’t here.
Hey @Becca_d I just wanted to say hi Funnily enough you and Lisa had been in my thoughts this last week or so, wondering how you both were doing.
It will be 3 years in October for me too, and 1 year since I sold Mums house and moved back to mine which felt like another huge change. Yes im still posting here and attending support groups weekly to try and cope. I still struggle knowing how to carry this level of pain and function normally- the two things dont feel like they can co-exist together.
Are you getting any support now? I know you had some counselling at one point.
Sending you big hugs Becca - you’re amongst people here who understand
Good to hear from you. Sorry you are struggling too. It’s just so hard isn’t it. I still see my counsellor, been seeing her for a few years. So she has been through it all with me.
I have started talking to her more about my mom’s death and how I feel.
It’s hard to explain to people. I feel like this because I loved so deeply, but the price is it hurts so much.
My dad is sad & lonely. I see him as much as I can, but sometimes I don’t want to see him as it makes me sad that he is on his own.
I’m really sorry to read that you are missing your mum so very much,
I just came here to say your not alone in this, Im in the same position as yourself, I lost my mum 3 years ago too and too just like you I’m struggling to find a way though to being happy again, she was my best friend we spoke everyday like yourself too. I know the pain you are feeling and I know the feeling of not being able to talk about it too, i know I feel silly every time I speak about it with it being 3 years ago but as iv been told on here grief doesn’t have a time frame.
I think trying to come to the realisation that the grief is never going to go away and doesn’t get easier but we can try to control how we react…it’s not going to go away but it becomes a part of us to carry through the next chapters of our life is helping me a little.
Something my mum always said to me was ‘you need to look after you for me’ And I’m sure you’re mum would’ve wanted the same thing for you too.
I hope my message makes sense and helps a little i apologise if it doesn’t this is the first time i have replied to anyone on this platform. Wishing you all the happiness in the world and a bright future full of love ahead
Thank you for your reply. It does make sense. Sorry that you are going through the same. It’s so hard, our mom’s were the person who had known us since before we were born. No one else has that kind of relationship with us.
It’s is comforting to know that someone understands. X
Thats quite a shock to deal with. WE are all different in terms of what kind of relationship, how close we were, how quickly they died, if we connected with gthe emotions or distracted ourselves, our other responsiv=bilities..etc etc…for me, i was a mess for 3 years and saw therapists and went to death cafes and bereavment group so felt that there were others who undertoon some things but then sometimes they didnt resonate atall as time went on. In my 4th year and found an amazing therapist that connects body and emotions, found my confidence after all the raw vulnerabilty of not having the ‘ground’ of my mum and having to be reborn as an adult and be me own support. Its taken time but things feel more integrated.
It sounds like in the 3 years you have had to deal with your dad so that was more forefront than being able to tend to your own grief, and the numbing of it all. Its a brave time you are going through now and i would say, sh!t as it feels, you are doing amazing. be kind to yourself, hug yourself, talk to your mum (if you can imagine) connect with what you love, make a ritual for yourself. Grief never goes away, you just learn to live with it
I really empathise with this. It’s been 3 years since my mum died too and I’ve found it harder than ever recently. I think perhaps there’s something in feeling like “you should be getting over it” at this stage (which as we know is ridiculous). During the first couple of years friends and other loved ones are still really aware that you’ve just lost someone but then it eventually just becomes normal. I used to have no problem at all in letting myself burst into tears wherever I was and explain that I was grieving but now I feel a bit daft saying “my mum died 3 years ago” even though I miss her more than ever. I have a tendency to hide it but recently it’s been quite overwhelming so I’ve started being honest about it and people are of course, lovely about it. I try and think of it as being a testament to how amazing my mum was that her loss still stops me in my tracks and I accept the waves when they come. I’m sending you massive hugs and love xxx
Hi Becca. I’m still here too, though I don’t comment as much. It’s been worse for me, this third year, and like you and others have said it’s harder to talk about it because people expect you to be over it. But it’s a process and we are all on different paths. It’s good you have started to open up more to your therapist, I hope it will help in time. Sending lots of hugs.
Thats interesting @KaliK , I have found in the last year ive moved away from talking therapies and felt drawn more to body based activities- walking, reiki, yoga, embodied movement workshops. Maybe because in the pain of grief you end up locked in your head in the mental torment for so long, that you almost need to return to the body to start feeling safe again?
Hi Ally
I read your post and it really struck a cord with me. I lost my mum over a year ago now and it’s true that people do expect you to move on. I still find I get overwhelmed with grief and panic now I’m on my own. Mum was so wise and supportive it’s very hard to have purpose for just one now. It is a very lonely path without mum.
It’s very true that our mums would want us to look after ourselves taking complete responsibility for our own lives now in the best way possible.
Just like they looked out for us our whole lives. We kind of owe it to our mums to continue like they would hate to see us so miserable.
There are many of us here to offer support for one another. I’m so glad I have found this platform
Sending you warmest wishes. W
Im sorry for your loss @Wuu. Its both heartbreaking to know there are so many of us out there trying to cope with our grief, but also comforting to know that there are so many people who understand, when sometimes the people around you seem oblivious to it! I know our Mums wouldnt us to be miserable and I end up apologising to Mum as she was the sort of person who just seemed to take everything that life threw at her in her stride, whereas i seem to just fall apart! Take care
Hi Ally
Thank you for your reply it means a lot to me. Yes our mums were truly special and irreplaceable. And learning to cope without them is very challenging.
I wish for us all to find the strength and courage to face this new chapter. Our mums wouldn’t want us to be sad forever But it is so hard.
Sending you warmest wishes. W
Funnily enough you and Lisa had been in my thoughts this last week or so, wondering how you both were doing. 
But it’s a process and we are all on different paths. It’s good you have started to open up more to your therapist, I hope it will help in time. Sending lots of hugs.