4 Weeks today, feels more painful than day 1

Losing a partner
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Community

I recently lost my husband 4 weeks ago today. We had been together since our teens, married happily for 35 years, with 2 children.

4 weeks ago today I took a call at 2am while abroad with work that turned my life upside down, it started with my neighbor texting me if everything was ok as she’d seen 2 Ambulances outside my house.

My heart sunk, as I picked up my phone I saw several missed calls from my sister, I text her to ask if everything was ok? I explained I had gone to get a drink early hours and seen a neighbors message, she called me straight back to say the words no one wants to hear “I got some bad news” she told me to sit down as she explained my Son had found my husband had died in he’s sleep

My work booked me on the next flight home, being in Borneo it was the most painful and long flight I have ever had to endure. By the time I’d got home he was already in a morgue, I never imagined having spoken to him that night, and telling each other how we loved and missed each other, as I was due home in a few days, that the next time I’d see him would be at he’s funeral :disappointed:

For the first few weeks I was on auto pilot, I put all my energy into arranging the Funeral, the Wake , the Burial grounds, anything that meant I didn’t have to think or believe what had happened.

Now that’s over, I feel lost, broken, numb, empty, and doing my up most to pull myself together in front of my children, (as they are broken too) when really my heart yearns for him :broken_heart: I don’t know how to live without him, he was my everything, I don’t know who I am without him :disappointed:

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@Widow23 I’m so sorry to hear your story, what a terrible shock for you and your family, how to move forward? I have no answers for you, only to expect what you are going through and it’s painful. I lost my husband 10 weeks ago after just 7 days in hospital, it has been a terrible shock. I have felt everything that you are now feeling, shock, panic, helplessness, anger, sadness , lost without him, who am I now? and many many tears. I think most people on this site have been there and they will offer you help and support, you have come to the right place, sending love and support x

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@Widow23 your sad story is very similar to my own . My husband collapsed and died at home and I was in Benidorm for a friends birthday . His friend was there or my son would have come to find him. I spoke to him that morning and 4 hours later he was gone . It’s 6 1/2 months now and I have done my best to cope . We were so happy . Life is so cruel x

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@Widow23 that must have been such a shock, thinking of you x

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@Kathy6
Thank you, sorry for your lost, I feel angry too, today I was trying to sort out some travel insurance, explaining that he had died, as we were due to go away at Xmas, the agent spoke as if she was taking a take away order, I told her at the end of the dall “you’ve not even given your condolences, maybe she should take that on board if in a similar situation” I became so tearful, such a little gesture but goes a long way

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@Jol That’s so sad, I’m so sorry, you feel like a double whammy :disappointed: does your pain feel slightly less 6 months on?

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Sorry made error.