4 years of loneliness

Hi I lost my mum 4 years ago my dad a year ago and I just feel lost and so lonely the 2 people that always listened are gone life is empty I feel like it’s the end

Peter1027

I totally understand how you feel. I lost both my parents by age 37 and it is really really tough! I have recently joined tnis community and find talking to others and reading comments helps to realise you are not alone x

Hi Peter,

Piglet is right. We all understand on here.

I am really sorry you feel alone. I lost both my parents this last year and they were everything to me. What hurts most is the little things. Nobody to tell those little things to anymore that only our parents would have been interested in.

What helps me is thinking what my mum and dad would want me to do and I know they would want me to build my life back up. A different life, but they would certainly not want me to give up.

I recommend opening up your thoughts on here. It certainly helps me.

Hope today is a slightly better day for you.

Ann x

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Thanks Ann it is a lot easier on here to talk and someone actually listens to you as people that are close to you just don’t have time for you as there lives are so busy it was only my parents that had the time for me hope things get better for you and your right I’m going to build a better life thank you x

Hi Peter

A complete pleasure! The people on here all understand and we do have the time. We come here to think about our loss in a safe place. You can be as honest as you like and nobody judges.
That is why I keep coming back.

Today I’ve had a rubbish day. Cried most of it. So now I’ve let it all out, I imagine my dad would be saying “chin up!” and my mum would say “it will pass”. And it will. Let’s hope tomorrow is better.

Ann x

Hi Ann hope tomorrow is a better day my mum would probably say that to me what I find the hardest to come to terms with is this is someone I have seen for nearly everyday of my life and there gone it leaves you with such a hole in your life that I’m finding so hard to fill thanks peter x

Hi Peter.

The hole our parents leave is impossible to fill. I think we just grow our new life around it. What can never be taken away is our love for them and the love we still feel from them. They made us who we are. For that I am thankful.

Take is easy and slowly.

Ann x

Hi Ann not a good weekend very low let my partner of 14 years down badly but I cannot help how I feel at the moment that’s why I came onto this site and I’m getting help just people listening is a start relationships are very hard to deal with as well as grief hope you have had a better weekend thanks peter x

Hi Peter.

I spent all of Saturday crying my eyes out. Was like a tap opening. Not even sure what set me off. Yesterday I felt a bit more balanced so maybe the crying helped. Relationships are tough when we are grieving. My husband has been amazing throughout all this but he’s not my parents so I’ve not been kind to him really. Can’t help it but must try as my parents would be so angry with me if I messed my marriage up because of feeling sorry for myself.

Just appologise and explain how difficult you are finding things is my advice.

Ann x

Hi Ann and Peter

Sorry to hear you have both had tough weekends. I hope the clouds lift for you soon.

Ann I think your approach of letting the tears out and not judging them is so important. Peter I also get what you say re relationships. No one can understand how we each feel as it is very personal and it is natural to take our feelings out on those close to us. It can be hard to separate the emotions of grief with those for the relationship.

Take care x

Hi Piglet

Wise words. Thank you. X

I hope you are getting on ok on this rollercoaster nobody wanted to buy tickets for.

Ann x

Hi Ann

It really has been a roller coaster. I have been off work for a week now with depression but hope to make it back to the office tomorrow. Still not feeling happy but I need to get on with life. This week has been useful for lots of rest, reflection and confronting the route of my depression i.e. grieving. Sounds daft but I have only just realised this. Saw a bereavement counsellor today for the first time and I think she will be able to help me process what I need to. She has already enabled to me I have suffered a series of losses that are linked and contributing to how I feel.

How has your day been today Ann? Xx

Hi Piglet & Peter

It doesn’t sound daft Piglet that you have only just realised it is grief. It is easy to try to cover the emotions up by carrying on but it is great to hear you are facing it all head on. I went to counselling while my mum was dying and a few times after and it helps to know you have a safe space to let it all out. Just like here.

I also go to yoga and that helps me a lot along with looking at nature and appreciating the little things in life.

Thankfully today has been a better day for me. I think letting the flood gates open on Saturday helped relieve some pressure for a while.

You are so young to have lost both parents Piglet. I’m just a few years older and it’s the pits. Everyone around me still seem to have theirs but I guess it is not a competition. I’m greatful I had wonderful parents as I am sure you are too.

Hope you are a bit brighter today too Peter?

Ann x

Hi Ann

I am pleased to hear you have had a better day. I am also a huge fan of yoga too for the body and the mind. It really helps.

The counselling today was interesting - the lady I saw was excellent. She has helped me see already that I have a number of losses linked together which are contributing to how I feel. I have not had specific bereavement counselling before and think this will help me process stuff.

You are right being an ‘orphan’ is the pits. The Christmas planning conversations have already started . . . fills me with dread every year! Still love Christmas just not the actual day itself.

Peter I also hope you have had a better day.

Take care xx

Hi Piglet

Shudder. The Christmas conversations… I had to have one with my mother in law at the weekend.

Simply want to run away this year.

Keep us posted on the counselling, good luck going back to work tomorrow and Namaste!

Ann x

Hi Ann and piglet thanks for your helpful words it is finally nice to have someone who listens to me and doesn’t think I’m a weak man because I have feelings no one knows what grief is until they lose someone so close it is an unbelievable,hollow,lonely experience that I don’t wish on anyone hope you are both feeling brighter peter x

Hi Piglet and Peter

Glad you are finding this forum a help. I feel like I am burdening people in the real world as 4 months has gone by since my mum died so they seem to be bored of me talking about it and I don’t want to lose all my friends by being depressing but here I can be myself :slight_smile:

There is no such thing as a weak man Peter for admitting how you feel. I think it is much stronger to confront grief head on rather than have a midlife crisis moment buying stuff or doing crazy things which is how some deal with life changes.

All 3 of us have lost such important people. I feel like my foundations are wobbly now. Who made me who I am are no longer here so it is bound to be a big deal.

My latest drama is thinking about my parents home. I grew up there and it is all I have left of them. I’ve been giving things to charity but it is taking me ages as half of me wants to leave everything just as it is so I can fool myself that nothing is wrong.

One difficult thing after another this grief thing…

Ann x

Hi Ann and piglet I am finding this forum very helpful as you have said Ann friends seem to get bored of listening I think with certain people they just don’t know what to say to console us or are scared of saying the wrong thing I am happy I have found somewhere we’re I can be open and totally honest about my feelings good or bad and someone is listening and gives you some decent advice thanks peter hope you’re both ok x

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