Here I am awake at 5 a.m again and in floods of tears. I just think how miserable I am without my Norman. How lonely. How difficult everything is. I am so tired as I can’t sleep properly without him. I don’t eat properly. I can’t go out. Is this the rest of my life? I know every day at a time. I don’t think suicide but every time I wake I wish I hadn’t.
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Sandra, I was so sorry to read your post this morning and hope you are feeling better now that your carers have been. You have done such a lot this week and achieved many positives, especially with your rollator.
These grief tsunamis hit us at any time, I’ve been hit a few times this week. It is so much worse for you not being able to get out, although hopefully that will be possible more, even if little trips to a neighbour. Will message you later,
Sending hugs, Rosemary x
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@Pudding
Oh Sandra, I am so sorry you are awake and upset.
You are exhausted and from your posts I know you don’t sleep well. Would it be worth speaking to your G.P again. I know you have said you can’t take sleeping tablets but maybe they can suggest something else for you.
Your grief is still very new. You are always helping others on this site, I hope you get some comfort knowing others care about you.
Sending big hugs xxx
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@Alir I have had my shower and do feel a bit better. Really have no idea why it just hits you some days. I actually slept quite well last night with few painkillers. I intend to speak to the doctor on Monday about maybe antidepressants. I think it was that form yesterday that I had to fill in to release his pension. Weather is foul so no walk today. Thank you it does help to know you care .xx. Sandra
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@Pudding
That sounds a good idea. I started some anti depressants last week after speaking to the Dr. I am not sure if they are working yet though as I feel the same. She is going to call me on Tuesday to see how I am getting on so I will let you know the outcome.
It is a sunny day here today and supposed to be warm. We are expecting the rain and cooler air tomorrow. What a shame it’s not a nice day where you are as you could have had a little walk out even if it was just down to the bottom of your drive and back.
I hope your day improves and you geel a bit better. Some days it is hour by hour.
With love xxx
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Saw a different GP and she actually listened to me, rather than saying “And how long have you been feeling sad and anxious”!! Anyway, I have been given anti-depressants so just need to see if they will help, sort of. The weather seems good here and hopefully my daughter and grandchildren are coming over later so perhaps my weekend won’t be quite as dreadful?! It’s hard to be positive, especially when the nights seem to be longer, but some days are okay and some are awful, I guess it’s just something we have to learn to accept now.
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Aw … @Pudding sorry youre not good today … you really need some sleep dont you ? Did you try camomile tea at night ? I swear by it … and try get a bit of fresh air today if you can ? Even if its just a little walk up the road … i had a really long walk yesterday and felt so much better after it. Take care. X
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Thank you all. I think 5 a.m is not a good time for anyone certainly not when it is dark and raining. I believe I am just having one of those days and will probably be fine tomorrow. Sorry didn’t try the camomile tea. I should have ordered some in my delivery but brain fog hit again. Think it was just the form yesterday that set me off. Going to have the joy of contacting the tax office next week. I know I owe them money but they are trying to take it from an account that doesn’t pay anything anymore. Yes they will adjust it next year but I know I will owe them money next year as well unless the tax allowance changes. I don’t want it to keep mounting up. I will hit the Chocky biscuits for my elevenses. That always cheers me up. At least I haven’t gained weight this week. Love to you all. Sandra
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Hi Sandra. I regularly read your post as I know you are a regular on here. Sorry you are having a bad day. Definitely hit the chocolate! I find when the day starts off sunny (like it is here today), what a difference in our mood. Sorry if you are having a gloomy day. I’m dreading the dark mornings and dark nights coming soon. xxx
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Hi Sandra, really sorry you have hit a bad spot. I’d agree with all the advice youve already had about antidepressants.
We get in a vicious cycle, don’t we. Poor sleep leads to being unhappy, which leads to poor sleep etc etc. Hopefully antidepressants will break the cycle. I hope so.
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Well I won’t be going for my little excursion with my walker tomorrow. Nine hour storm warning has been issued for the south west for tomorrow. I am wondering if I should bring it inside for tonight.
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We have rain forecast here for days from tomorrow.
I think it maybe a good idea to move your Walker indoors if you can manage it. If it’s windy, the cover may blow off it and you’ll probably only worry if you leave it to the mercy of the storms.
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I have just brought it in. It wasn’t too hard getting it in so I may just keep it in. Leave it in our second toilet and move it when I have guests.
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Sounds a sensible idea if you can manage it.
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I have come to understand I can manage anything if I put my mind to it.
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@Pudding Only just read your post. Sorry to hear you’ve had a bad night. You are sounding a lot more positive now though so good for you. J x
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@Jax2 . Thank you. I do feel better. I have had a headache all day but that is probably stress related. I do try to have a positive “can do” attitude but this morning everything just overwhelmed me as I suspect it does to all of us from time to time. The woman I spoke to from Mind was a waste of time. I started by saying I called to hear a human voice and then she hardly spoke. Great counselling.
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