5 weeks and it hurts so much

I lost my beautiful husband to cancer on Christmas Eve. I miss him terribly.

Hi Donna 1960,
So sorry to here of your loss,it is so early days for you.I lost my husband in October last year so I am a bit further down the line than you.you will be going through so many different emotions whilst you get your head around everything.you have come to the right sight,we are all helping each other on here so you can poor your heart out and some one will be there for you.Take care. Skylark

Thank you Skylark. I feel him and smell him I just can’t touch him. I brought his ashes home this week and can’t believe that I will never see him again. Donna

Hi Donna

So sorry to read this. My mum passed away last summer and I still find it hard to believe I will never see her again or hear her voice. Fell asleep last night wishing the last six months had been a horrible dream that I could wake up from.

I sleep with one of Mum’s hankies that still smells of her.

You have come to the right place, the one for those left behind. I have found lots of support and friendship here and am sure you will too.

Mel.

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Hi Donna im very sorry for your loss (im 57 my wife was 41 she passed 04032016 on her birthday ) .Take it 1 day at a time have you been to see your GP? re medication to help .Or theres Cruse bereavement councelling ask at your GP .Also theres i the Samaritians (i do all3 ) .The Samaritians are 247 you can offload there as well (i do ).This special club is here for you we always reply to you .You might find a member youconnect with and most of us dont mind private messages ,You arent a burden your going through a nightmare .Try have some me time because the nightmare will still be there .Dont think ooo its too trivial etc .Come offload on here whenever you want .Big massive hug Colin

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Donna I feel for you, it’s truly awful and I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died in a tragic accident in October, we’d just celebrated 46 years of marriage and suddenly he was gone! He was happier than he’d ever been… retired 2 years and was enjoying our new home. I’ve heard people use the expression being “numb” in these situations…and it’s what i felt. I find it hard like you, to believe I won’t see him again. Every day something happens or I notice something and think “I’ll tell Michael when i get home” Then a thundering crash of realisation hits me again! I’ve just registered on this site because I feel I need to say things I’m not sure people who haven’t gone through this horror would understand. Carole x

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Thank you Mel. It really is comforting to be in touch with people who feel the same. My family are amazing and are coping with their own grief too. But I hate them to see me sad all the time. So I tell them I’m ok and the reality is, I’m not!! I too have been sleeping with an old towel that Trevor used for his hands. I suppose we need to do what we need to do. Donna xx

Thank you Colin. I’m overwhelmed by the support on this site. Trevor was 63. He was the love of my life. We were married only for 5 wonderful years. A second marriage for both of us. We always knew we didn’t have the same amount of time had we met when we were younger, it we promised each other we would make every single day count. And we did… until the cancer diagnosis…and then I watched my beautiful man slip from my grasp. 8 months from diagnosis to his passing. I’ve had some medication from Dr but truthfully not a path I want to stay on. For now they give me oblivion until I open my eyes and the punch in the belly comes harder. Thank you for caring. Donna x

Carole I so understand what you are saying. I actually feel sorry for my friends and family who don’t know what to say to me. So I end up telling them it’s ok! I too have so many things I need to tell Trevor and things I am now having to do myself. Something as trivial as changing the gas bottle…that he would do without even thinking. But I googled it and can now do that myself. The flat tyre on our car will have to wait until I learn to do that too. Thank you Carole for taking the time to respond. Donna x

Donna… I think also I hate upsetting my family and don’t want to become a “dependent” of theirs.My beloved was a huge part of their lives too, so we all try to be brave for each other when sometimes you just want to be shut away and ignore the world. I feel I’ve lost my safety net and flounder sometimes. It’s difficult when you’ve never lived alone for a start. It’s all scary and I feel like I’m stuck in limbo…sort of subconsciously waiting for something to happen or “things” to become normal? I know I sound negative but actually I am very positive with whatever is chucked at me. I’ve gotten a bit of routine back. I still work a couple of days a week. I suppose we should be happy for all the good things we shared with our partners… it’s not going to be an overnight thing adjusting after a long while in our comfort blankets is it love? On a happier note I have also become the new “Mrs DIY” Michael cossetted me and so changing a blinking light bulb is a task for me :wink: I’m climbing the scale of domesticity now… wi-fi down? Call Carole! dishwasher not draining? Carole’s your gal! can even work out what goes where at the local tip!!! Sorry if I talk too much… nice to know others are in the same boat as me. Carole x

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