It’s been a roller coaster of emotions and I cry everyday, usually in the shower to hide it from my kids. But I’ve continued to function since it happened and do all the essentials of day to day life. This week has actually been quite good, with only a few low points each day but overall feeling pretty “held together” and getting on. But yesterday evening a wave hit me like a tsunami.
I went in to the room we had converted for my wife to die at home in which is left the same as the day she went. I haven’t even washed anything because I want her smell to remain. For 4 hours solid I was completely overwhelmed with heart-breaking crying, hyperventilating, pain through my heart, sickness in my stomach and everything else we experience. I lost all control of myself. I think it may have been the first time the real grief actually came out. Up until now I’ve been putting on a front for how I think I should act for other people; somewhat suppressing and burying my real feelings. But they burst through with a vengeance yesterday totally uncontrollably.
So sorry for your loss. I am 5 months in now and finding it very tough. I can so relate to your feelings. Nothing I can say to help. Best wishes to you
I can feel the pain in your message. 5 months on and days are so much better. I have some challenges to come but will deal with them as they come. Embrace the bad days, appreciate the not so bad.
I am so sorry for your recent loss.
I lost my my partner Jane after 17 years on March the 14th basically four months ago.
I understand your feelings I have been through every emotion including panic attacks, self doubt not wanting to live anymore.
After 4 months it does ease a bit the pain does not feel quite so severe but it is the mental torture of living without my soul mate it never leaves me but the panic attacks have eased and I try and get on with life as in reality we have no choice.
There is no harm in crying do not bottle it up I go through periods of simply blanking it out be cause if I do not think about it then it did not happen but then it comes crashing back with a vengeance. You have to be honest with the people around you by talking it does help and people do need to understand what you are going through.
I hope it will ease in time.
John
Vent away…… hope it helps somewhat to express how you are feeling. I try to stay strong for my son he’s 8 and is my world but it’s hard, life is hard but just got to keep going I would love to say it’s getting easier but I would be lying, just trying to ride the wave. I lost my husband, best friend last April he was only 33! Some days I feel it still hasn’t sunk in.
