Hi. I’ve posted many places . I’ve been in crisis and been drugged up and down , and I’m trying to carry on . My dad became ill 2015 with vascular dementia and I helped care with my mum until we watched him pass in 2017 in hospital . I went straight into caring for my mum being on hand sorting dad’s stuff out and then she became more needy and passed June 2021. I don’t knowing I actually stopped as I went straight into a 3 year probate battle against brothers which came to an end Oct 24, and then all hit me . I can’t feel love . My 4 kids and wife are living their lives like I used to , I feel isolated even when with them , the world feels scary and I don’t feel I belong anywhere . I wake with constant fear and anxiety about every day . I had been so busy for so many years that all of a sudden I’m not , but the kids and wife all are , leave for work and school , and my life feels over . I try and try to explain , but I get the hugs and the verbal nods , but it doesn’t seem to resonate . It’s all so so contradictory , I want people around me , don’t want to be alone , but then get overwhelmed when everyone is there living as normal . I was very close to mum, and drove to see her most weekends since I moved out . It doesn’t help at the same time this all happened , I was diagnosed autistic and adhd . I’m so scared this is how I end up now . Watching the world . I’m not in work as that stopped prior to my dad getting ill . I do volunteer tweet three mornings a week , but even being there hearing conversations and people laughing and joking seems so foreign and makes me feel like an outcast . Arrgghhhh . Just want some kind of re assurance . So sorry to anyone in the same boat .
Hi @Colls10. I am sorry for what you’re going through, I understand the pain of being isolated ,i have lived in that situation for 2yrs & still counting,
You have done good works for your parents surely the blessing will come back to you,we are all waiting for betters days, it may look like there’s no hope, i believe something good will come our way.
I pray you get peace in you.
I never thought about grief untill now , and it’s otherworldly effecting everything my soul my mind my body . And everyone around me . When you were already afraid a bit of the world this just ramps it up
And sim sorry you too are experiencing this . Wishes your way
@Colls10 , grief eats a person from inside, we walk in pain,feeling empty,confused, hopeless & helpless, I pray your family pays more attention to you maybe they can make a difference in your life.
I just feel in a different planet to them . I was the provider the fixer the sorter, and I can’t do any of them the moment , it’s just not in me . All I do though is worry what I’m doing to them ? It all feels so upside downside inside out
Do you believe this can get easier ? It has too ? I just can’t feel any love anywhere , and just feel a burden trying to play catch up and fit in now
Colls10, i believe this situation will change, yes I believe & you’re not a burden, a living person is a gift, grieving is a real meaningof a burden