52 & a widow

So hello, I’m Anne & on 25th November 2021 I was woken up by my Husband screaming. He was not aware I was there. I phoned 999, told the operator I thought he was having a stroke after I’d witnessed similar with my Dad. The operator said they were “very busy”, I reiterated I thought it was a stroke…they said they’d be here ASAP.
20 mins later, no ambulance, I called 999 again…I asked the operator to listen to Steve’s breathing & she said I had to commence CPR. I questioned that but she insisted Steve was struggling to breathe.
I commenced CPR.
2 crews of paramedics arrived & then a further crew.
I kept telling them I thought Steve was suffering a stoke. One of the medics said they’d been delayed with a person suffering a panic attack.
Due to the small place we live in they had to put Steve on a sheet & pull him through our home to outside so they could then lift him onto a trolley. They said he was v poorly.
I asked Steve’s Brother to drop me at A&E & I was told to wait in the relatives room.
2 hours later a Dr came & said Steve had suffered an aneurysm & was very ill.
They were fighting to stabilise him & had put him on life support.
I went home, waiting until 6.30am & called our only child, who was working in London to come home. That poor girl travelled back by train, crying & not 1 person asked her if she was OK.
Later on I found out the aneurysm was at the back of Steve’s head, a place where they cannot access.
An operation to install a coil into the skull had been done & Steve remained on life support.
11 days later he suffered a catastrophic stroke which took out the entire right hand side of his brain & he was declared brain dead.
He never regained consciousness. He became an organ donar as he had wished & so far he’s saved 3 people.
It will be 11 weeks this Friday since Steve collapsed.
I am disabled & am to face handing over Steve’s/ours beloved bull terrier to a rehoming charity as I can’t walk her & her pulling causes me further injury & pain.
The guilt I feel increases daily.
I think I didn’t do enough to save Steve, I’m pathetic that I’ve failed to look after our dog & I’ve failed to protect our only child from losing her Dad.
Bleak doesn’t even cover anywhere near how I’m feeling.
We were together 33years, it was our 27th wedding anniversary on 3rd December while Steve was on life support.
Both myself & my Daughter are trying to work full time & we are exhausted.
Steve was 58.
Life feels v v cruel at present.


Dear Anne8
I’m so sorry for your loss and for the trauma you have suffered. I know feelings of guilt are normal, though not right, but sadly none of us have the power to protect ourselves or our loved ones from the devastation of loss.
It sounds like you did all you could for your husband and now you must be kind to yourself, support your daughter and let her support you. Do you have other family or friends around you to help. I’m sorry about your dog, would there not be anyone who could walk her for you? You mustn’t put anymore physical or mental burden on yourself, your only task is to get through each day one step at a time.
I lost my husband last August, very suddenly, like you in the early hours I had to call an ambulance, they couldn’t save him and he was gone within the hour. He was 48 and I am now 49, we had been together for 31 years.
Please keep posting and know we are here for you x


Dear Anne

I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband recently, 10th December. I’m a similar age to you, 51 this year. My husband, Ian, died unexpectedly, he was admitted to hospital early hours on Thursday morning and had passed by the Friday afternoon from sepsis.

I am devastated, my whole world has been turned upside down and inside out. I haven’t been back to work yet, but am going to give it a go at the end of the month, I’m dreading it, it makes me feel sick.

It so hard him not being here, I miss him every single day. I try not to look back at the time he was in hospital as it would upset me more and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

I hate the word future, because there seems to be so much if it ahead of me without him, I just can’t bear thing about it.

I just try and get through each day, wether I keep myself super busy, or cry all day.

Sending hugs xxx


Hi Lily booster & hi Karenlouise

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. In the past when it happens to others you say you’re v v sorry, is there anything you can do but honestly there’s nothing. Noone can make this better. Like you said it’s one day at a time. And honestly I don’t even think someone who loses a spouse from a terminal illness can cope any better than us with the sudden shock.
I hope you have supportive people around you.
I just wanted to be on my own over Christmas.
Myself & my Daughter were a comfort to each other but in the end we needed a little time away from each other…I was trying to be strong for her & she was doing the same for me.
Apparently I may end up with PTSD but it can’t be diagnosed until a certain amount of grief has been gotten through.
People keep saying"Steve wouldn’t want you to be upset like this" & they’re right but sometimes I want to scream at them how do they know…he’s dead.
I notice we’re all counting weeks still. I read somewhere that for you truly to believe & accept a person has died you have to go through a whole year without them…the 1st birthday, the 1st wedding anniversary, etc…maybe that’s right…I suppose we will see. Steve was an atheist…I don’t know if you are religious at all? Maybe you could find solace in speaking to someone from your church? Sending you both massive hugs xxxxxx

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Hi Anne and KarenLouise
My husband did not believe in anything and although I believe in ‘something’ I don’t belong to a particular religion, It’s strange because I’m torn between thinking if there was a higher power he wouldn’t have taken my wonderful husband so young, and wanting to believe that he is in a better place and I will see him again, does that make sense?
I don’t think to far ahead unless it’s something related to the children and see no future for myself anymore. I have been through our first wedding anniversary and my birthday without him (on the same day) and of course Christmas and they were so painful, particularly our anniversary as it would have been our 20th. It is our daughter 18th next month and then his birthday in April.
I am not back to work still, was trying to get back this month but my occupational health people have said I am not fit to return and the dr has just prescribed me antidepressants, I have not taken anything so far but struggle with sleep and worry a lot about the children and if something were to happen to me.
All I can do is get up each day for my kids and do the best I can for them for both of us xx


Hi Anne

I’m new here and yours is the first post I’ve read .I am 54 and lost my husband october.also disabled I struggle to do daily tasks including the dog. My husband passed from sepsis after a stone got stuck in his bile duct.

It’s so hard and u fair. People carry on around you as normal whilst your world has stopped.36 years with my soulmate .

Sending you all my empathy x


How terrible for you. You know I came on here thinking no one would get how I was feeling, but unfortunately you do. Sending you massive hugs. What sort of dog do you have? I’m on a waiting list for an op.& if that goes OK, I will be off my feet for a fair while, but after that I might be a bit more mobile. My heart is breaking over my dog, people have come to help but they can’t be here 24/7 & I am in so much pain. Sepsis is cruel. I’d never really heard of it until a few years ago, am so sorry.

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Hiya I k ow I thought over and over about joining here as there are so many bad places to open up.doc has recommended bereavement counciling which I’m gunna look in to.
I have a shitzu and my son has a frenchie pup .omg the shitzu hates the pup he’s 9 and can’t be bothered .

I just feel empty. Was heading south quickly as having the arthritis in both knees I was house bound. But now my faithful scooter gets me and buster out in the fresh air again which has helped my mental health.
Sepsis is like septicemia isn’t it. Blood poisoning. Shut down his organs one by one. Was horrible to watch but I wouldn’t leave him alone .just hope he knew I was there with him at the end xx much love x