It’s been a year since my wonderful pops died and 6 months since my beautiful amazing mum left us, and for some reason this past 2 weeks has been even more awful. So we had dad’s anniversary of his cremation and it hit me real hard. Felt so sad and a small sense of realising ‘this is it’ he’s not coming back. I’ve had unexplained physical aches over the past few days and had to see a doc and I’m sure it’s my stress of losing both parents coming out in my body as I hadn’t injured myself. I went for a walk yesterday with mums dog (who I adopted when she died, she made me promise) and on my drive home I just wept realising that I’d had enough of them both missing from my life, I want them back. And then realising that can never happen. Not mum. Not dad. Both missing for ever. I feel so sad I don’t know how to get myself through this, can’t stop crying. Can’t believe it. I know my sensible brain says this is the natural order of the life span, and they lived to a good age. But the kid in me wants them back now. Enough. I feel worse now than I did before Christmas almost like this is new feelings emerging. I have my 5th and last counselling session this week but not sure they can get me over this hump as it’s just me expressing my feelings. Anyone else experienced this after 6 months feeling worse? How do you get by? I’m trying lots of self care activities and getting out in nature, but can’t stop this utter sadness. Thanks for reading 
I am so sorry for the situation you are in. It was for me very hard to cope physically. At one point I broke out hives so bad I still think of that as the worst experience of this process it was agony. Try to support your health in every way you can including little ways. Drinking lots of water and sleeping as much as possible was stabilizing for me and I am 1 year in and still have challenges. I keep a jug of water with me at all times.
Thank you for sharing how precious your loved ones are to you 
I also lost both my mom and dad within 6 months of each other. I feel they wanted to be back together, couldn’t bear being apart after 70+ years of marriage. I felt abandoned, like a child, as if they’d left me behind. It was and still is awful but I try and tell myself they are together again. My thoughts for months were entirely consumed with their loss and unimaginable sadness. I was in a deep dark hole I thought I’d never escape from.
I’m trying to keep busy, I work full time and also play a lot of sport. I’m starting to accept I’ll never see them again.
It’s not easy, and no one understands this awful sadness and the impact it has on every aspect of our lives until they too experience it.
Keep reading and posting on this site. It really does help knowing others understand our pain.
I hope you eventually find some peace and some comfort in your memories.
@CCAZ thanks for your reply. I feel a bit reassured it’s not just me feeling the physical effects although I am sorry for what you’ve gone through too.
Sending a big hug and thank you 
@Jmk thanks for your response. It does help, although sad, to know I’m not alone. I was fortunate to have parents that were also my absolute besties 
but the hole they’ve left is big and affects me every single day in many various ways. They were both woven into my life, so much. I am slightly consoled by them joining up in heaven & having fun together as despite them being separated they always had a pact they’d be together at the end, as they loved each other deeply. Which they had opportunities to meet up both spending plenty of time in the same hospital each having a daughter each to wheelchair them off the wards they were in and met up many times high five-ing each other with their canulated arms! At least they had fun exchanging stories and sharing coffees in the hospital restaurant and outside the hospital in communal areas. I have some brilliant pictures of them both together, smiling through extreme adversity. I hope I can feel better soon. They’d want that for me. Although I can stop the tears (sometimes) I can’t prevent the grief waves that take over my very being. Sending a huge hug.
Bless them 
I survived a riot when I was young and so decided to work ambulance crew for awhile afterwards to help me understand and cope with trauma. I got a really good training and it was cheap and I was a volunteer. As I get along now and realize the pearls we have that help us, I did not realize how important this skill would be for me now. Pearls are made by friction on living things.
Thank you and I am looking forward to your posts 
