6months 3 weeks on

Hi , it’s been 6 months 3 weeks since I lost my wife suddenly. For me it’s been the worst ever time of my life . People have said it will get easier,time is a healer, you will be fine . Well I’m sorry I’m not, can’t work ,I’m on anti depressants, seeing a councillor, crying several times a day , missing my wife so much it hurts ,it’s painfull . They say you have your memories, yes I do and really happy ones ,but that’s not my wife here and now . I’m so sorry to the people who read this post and are in the same boat I don’t want to make things harder for you but this is me now. Life for me is dull ,meaningless ,empty.

Don’t be sorry I totally agree and feel exactly the same.
My wife died on 2nd of July and I’m really trying. I’m seeing a councillor I’m in group therapy but nothing is working. I try to be positive in front of my kids but I still cry daily and feel there is no point. Just totally devastated.

Hello. I am truly sorry for your loss. I apologise for being blunt but people are wrong; it will not get easier, time is not a healer and you won’t be fine. Furthermore, you will never know pure joy again. You have lost your wife for goodness sake so how could those people possibly know? They know nothing but of course they are only trying to help. I lost my husband 17 months ago and I miss him as much now as I did right at the beginning. My love for him continues to grow and I love him more now than ever. How is that even possible? How can love continue to grow for someone who is not even on this earth?

However life does go on and we are left to live it. We have to accept it. I still cry but not so much. I can now smile and laugh again and I believe you will one day too. I’m sorry for being so blunt but throwing platitudes around is unhelpful.

I’m sending love and hugs to you both. Xx

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You’re right, Kate - I’m two years in and time does not heal… in fact I’m not even sure that the word “heal” applies - I prefer to use “moving forward.” It doesn’t get better, it gets different, in ways that are somewhat more manageable - like you say, more smiles, less tears, but missing them does not change at all. Also, I love my Ken more with the passage of time, and I’m so glad, because my worst fear was losing connection with him. I’m trying to work out ways to make new memories with him, and to sustain that precious connection.

To Modav: Six months is still early days; I recall being seven months in and describing it as walking around with a heart full of broken glass. I got sick of “You’ve still got your memories” and other sickly, gooey platitudes - I wanted HIM. The way you feel is very very okay.

I’m not sure if posting links is allowed here, but I read a fantastic article the other day, and the writer, who lost her partner, said “I can’t live without her, so I don’t,” and talked of the ways she works around the loss of her partner to stay connected. I found it truly helpful. Instead of placing a link, I’ll tell you the title so you can cut, paste and google it: “Elizabeth Gilbert Nails what we should do when We’re Grieving.”

I’m so sorry Modav… but please know there is nothing abnormal about what you’re feeling. I’m doing meds and counselling as well, and have found them helpful - they don’t take away the pain, but they do help with the insaner symptoms a bit.

Take care,

Louise xo

I feel the same… my husband died suddenly in July, and I was devastated, but the last two or three weeks have been much worse. I feel so utterly lonely and bereft, and although I have good friends they cannot fill the hole in my heart. You are right, it is a physical pain as well. I too am on antidepressants and seeing a councillor. I believe this is about the time where reality kicks in that the person you love is not coming back. I was married for 46 years and I cannot at the moment see my future without him. Neither of us are alone in our grief but those who haven’t experienced the death of a partner cannot comprehend how life changing it can be. Grief is the price we pay for love, so the saying goes…how true. Let us hope we can find some light at the end of this long dark tunnel eventually.

Hi. Maggie, I know exactly how you feel, my hubby died in June and I still can’t believe I will never see him again. We would have been married 50 years in July and we had made plans to celebrate, but it wasn’t to be, I can’t stop crying and feel so alone. I am having a spinal operation next Monday and don’t know how I will cope without him.

I lost my husband 6 weeks ago & my pain is getting worse daily - reassuring to read I am not alone in my emotions & many of you feel the same - is the future just going to be trying to get through each day ? One face for the outside world make up & hair done whilst inside I’m broken