7 weeks without her

I’ve lost my beautiful mum and can’t cope at all. I didn’t realise just how much my life revolved around her. For the past 8 years she battled her cancer, I have been to every appointment every treatment every operation with her and held her hand every step of the way. At the end of April she was given a terminal diagnosis as no more treatment options were available. I don’t think I ever really accepted this and expected her to get better and pull through like she always has. Now she’s really gone the pain is unbearable and I’m struggling to accept it. I still think I can go and see her but she’s in a box on my shelf. If it wasn’t for my babies (youngest being only 10 days old when mum passed) I’d have been off to join her by now. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and just stay at home crying all day every day. I’ve lost every bit of strength I had and feel really bitter and resentful about it all. She was told 6 months and didn’t finish out 3, it all feels so unjust! She wasn’t ready to die and had so much to live for, she wanted to fight and win again! I can’t believe I’ll never speak to her again and don’t know how to move forward at all.


Dear @Butterfly1

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. You are still in the early stages of grief, and it will be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Help and support is out there, you are not alone.

There is a Grief Guide by Sue Ryder which will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief and help you discover new ways to cope.

Cruse Bereavement have a booklet on ‘When your parent dies’ for bereaved adults. It would be worth downloading and having a read and help you understand what you are going through.

It would be worth booking an appointment with your doctor if you have not done so already to see what support they can give you and to discuss Counselling if that that would help you. If you are interested in Counselling, Sue Ryder offers a free online bereavement Counselling Service . You register for the waiting list and will then be invited to book an assessment.

On a final note, you can connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by typing in the search bar under the topic Loss of Mum or Loss of a Parent. You are not alone; we are all here to support you.

Please continue to reach out any time. If you need any more information, please email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Take care.


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Hi Butterfly1, I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. I’m sorry I can’t offer advice on how the process goes as I too lost my Mum to cancer, 4 week ago. I’m in the same angry ‘stage’. Life is unfair and shit. I think we are a long way off accepting what has happened. I hope and pray this feeling gets better, for the both of us. Sending my love x

Hi butterfly 1 I lost my mum when I was 23 unexpected. I understand what your going and gonna go threw , msg me anytime :slight_smile:

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I’m sat here wishing it was so many other people which in itself is horrible. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ve lost many people throughout my life but nothing has come close to this as mum was always there to help me through. Even though its been 7 weeks it feels like yesterday still x

Thankyou David, does it ever get easier to manage? I feel like the world has stopped turning. My mums death was supposed to be expected but when the time came I wasn’t prepared at all x

Hi Butterfly1 So sorry to read about your lovely and extremely brave Mum. My lovely Mum lost her battle with the demon cancer in November and your words just resonate with me. In my opinion, unfortunately it doesn’t get any easier, sadly you just get used to it. That said, I feel like I can be back at week one even ten months on. There’s no straight line so don’t look for it just invite your grief in and let it sit beside you and don’t rush yourself for anyone. Losing your Mum is huge. It’s life changing and a feeling only those that have experienced will understand. My heart goes out to you it really does. I promise your mind will give way to remembering happier times very soon. Please feel free to message at any time. Sending compassionate hugs xxx

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It’s really early days for you! You sound like a really wonderful daughter by the way and I so feel for you as I lost my own mother almost six months ago. It’s brutal, so sad and yes, unfair. You have to feel it all and just do that!
Wishing you strength and in time, you will feel more balanced even though one never really gets over it…you just learn to bear the burden a bit better.

Take care x