9 weeks on

It was 9 weeks ago yesterday that I got the phone call to tell me the love of my life had died …
It would have been her 28th birthday on the 30th of December and if I’m honest I’m glad that day is over with as I was dreading it , thinking about all the memories of past birthdays coming back into my mind … am I still in shock , some days I think I am …
The "why oh why did this have to happen to me " conversations that I have with myself are still there every day .
I still haven’t managed to pluck up the courage to look at any photos of her yet , maybe I’m just scared of going back to square 1 of this pain if I open up photos of her . It hasn’t got much easier really …
Like so many on this site , you battle on best you can from day to day …

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Hi Joe it’s a roller coaster of emotions 9 months on for my husband passing I can’t look at his photos with out crying one day a friend told me we will be able too with a smile first then the tears. I can’t say when so sorry for your loss so young take care x

Hi Kim , yes I hope one day I can look at her again and smile too without the anger and sadness , so young to have gone , take care

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Oh @Joe38, so young, so so sad for you. I lost my husband 8.5 weeks ago, he was 60, he died within 13 days of his cancer diagnosis and although off colour, his deterioration was all very sudden. To lose someone so young, I can not imagine. It is a constant fight to get through each day and it is not going to be an easy road to say the least. I am thinking of you as are all of us on here. We are all very very sad without our loved ones. I try to do one positive thing a day and I am going back to work on Monday- Remind yourself that every thing you do is a step forward even if it feels heartbreaking, its another forward step. Sadness will always be here in regards to this loss but we have to keep moving.

So very sorry

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Thank you Cinders … luckily ive been busy with work and carried on all through the Xmas and new period but even so , there is not a minute goes by without her in my head , I put a brave face on and keep fighting on , sometimes I feel so false talking to other people with a smile but I can’t be miserable all the time …
this site does help when I read back through other people’s stories like yours and realise that none of us here are alone in this pain. Take care

Well done for carrying on at work… Im not sure I could have done that… too much to sort out. I have had lots of time alone the last 5 weeks in particular, Ive had enough now but, I do feel it has allowed me to grieve. Every grief is different and one not less than another, every situation has major differences that only hours of conversation could reveal. Losing the most relevant person in your life is really difficult. Keep coming on here, read and post, in the long run, you will certainly find it a help. Back to work for me on Monday… I need that now x


So sorry for your loss so young my partner was 42
I am now 6 months on and its still a rollercoaster of emotions i went from not sleeping constantly breaking down to feeling okish but not feeling good again and think thats because its a new year and he isnt here im trying to hold it together for our daughter who is 12 and because I have her home it helps bit its so hard am hopefully starting counselling soon remember we all grieve different there is no right or wrong way just take each day as it comes thats all i do x

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I lost my partner 8 weeks ago I am able to look at photos some days and even videos but on other days I am a crumbling mess. I still can’t face seeing other people and think that has been made worse with lock down as no one is able to see anybody and I have got used to that. I know he would not want this for me. You will eventually be able to look at the photos just try one at a time. Take care

Hi Joe I lost my partner 8 weeks ago. I managed to look at photos some of the time and also videos and other times I am a wreck. Try and just look at one it may give you some comfort. Take care

Hi janner … thx for the reply … what an awful awful mess we find ourselves in .
lockdown has made a bad situation even more terrible .
It feels like there is no escaping this misery in the current situation is there . :disappointed:
It’s good that you can look at your partners photos and videos , I’m just going to wait for the right moment to go back and look , I’m sure one day il be able to …
I understand when you say you can’t face seeing other people , most of the time I’m acting false to others just to be civil and get through the day but really I just want to be left alone .
What I’d really like to do is jump on a plane and go as far from here as I could but even that’s not possible is it right now … take care

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Hi All,

We are all so different, in the first few weeks losing my husband which is now 10. 4 weeks ago, firstly, I couldn’t get enough of photos, videos, little sound clips that were recorded by accident - now I can listen to the sound clips - hear him laugh and even grumble lol but I can not drink the photos in, I have to glance at them and not engage, if that makes sense. I can only suppose that this is because, at first I had not accepted that he is gone but now I have… maybe, at times I still feel that sudden loss and the shock of it.

I’ve lost before, I’ve even grieved pets, a friend, a brother, my best friends two daughters, grandparents, 2 wonderful stepfathers, I have gone through journeys with their illness---- I loved them all dearly, I didnt want them to go… However, I have never felt what I feel at the shocking loss of my husband. Losing the closest person to you is soul destroying, it is the hardest thing and I think of you all every day, alongside me, going through this… we certainly have to work on ourselves to continue and I wish for all of us that we all keep plodding on and taking that forward step.

I know your days… I’m having good hours and the odd good day – some days are mixed and some days are just awful. Obviously, our love for our lovers, best friends, soul mates etc, goes without saying and we are all in that black hole of complete and utter loss. Every task brings something new and every bit of music is a sign, I am living my life by what comes on the radio.

We both have a very wide taste in music and when my husband was here we always went to sleep listening to Classic FM, he would set it for between 45 -90 minutes accordingly and Alexa would switch off when we were both asleep. I have listened to the recordings of him telling Alexa on the history — how weird am I? We married on the 21st August 2020, with no idea what would happen in the following months and I can hear him setting the alarm to wake him up on the morning of the wedding, he sounds so happy on this particular voice clip.

I wish you all strength, I know sometimes I am detaching my husband from my husband if you can make sense of that? It’s my saviour because I have spent so much time alone, particularly in the last 5 weeks. I am back at work … but ended up working from home and in total isolation for ten days … its not been easy but I have lots of people on the end of the phone.

I hope you are all taking those little steps forward… this is never going to be easy… it will always be hard, just different I suppose x

My heart hurts for all of you and myself. I am so very sorry for your losses