A bad day.

@MrsL I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband nearly 5 months ago and it really has been an emotional rollercoaster. I take comfort from other members posts when they say it does get better in certain ways but I don’t know if it does when the pain is so raw. Life seems to have stopped still for so many of us and it really is hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is early days for you on this journey of grief. Please look after yourself and reach out to this group when you need support. We are all in this together and we care. xx

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Thanks for your sentiments @peterj and @cabin I’m sorry you lost your loves too. It was second time for my husband but my first. I always told him I was a ‘lucky girl’ for having met him and for our wonderful, happy life. @peterj you’re right none of this is easy though it’s good you have caring family and friends and you can choose if and when you want to accept invites. I don’t feel lonely just alone as I miss my husband not company itself, I was always fine in my own company before this. Oh @cabin I totally get that about well meaning people saying be grateful. I’m told to take comfort from all my happy memories and the fact some people search a lifetime and never find a love like me and my husband shared but it’s bittersweet, as it’s the loss of that love and my whole life that’s left me heartbroken. Sending hope and kind thoughts x

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Hi @Katiemarylucy1 you’re right, it does feel like a cruel punishment. We always said if our time came we wished we’d ‘go’ together, I so wish that had been the case. I’m just glad he will never face this immense heartache. Thank you. Sending hope and kind thoughts x

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I dread bank holidays as well. Just emphasises the loneliness . Hope you are feeling better today

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Hi again JlovesR

I too feel relief that my husband hasn’t had to go through this pain…
At least he has been spared that, so it does give me some comfort.

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Yes it invariably leaves one partner alone to face the pain of grief. I told my Jo once that she coped with life much better than me. I can’t help thinking that she would have coped with this better than me as well.

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I know how you feel Peter ,I lost my soulmate nearly a year ago .some days I don’t even want to get out of bed because there seems no point to life anymore.

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I think we all feel like at times Tim I know I do. Sorry for your loss.

Hello my friends. It’s been over 2 years since my darling Helen died and for some reason I’m having some very bad days. I find reading your posts is a massive help and I feel deeply for every one of you. We understand each others grief.
Please can I ask if anyone else has trouble with memories? People say ’ but you will have such good memories’ and the like, but most of the time if I dwell on the memories I just go to pieces. I know I should feel lucky at having had so much love for so many years but I just feel so lonely and depressed.

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Hi . Yes I find my memories are bitter sweet . Also some I just can’t remember all the details and so need to ask husband about them . Almost a year without him , loving me , talking to me . Just being with me . It’s so hard . Xtake carex

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It’s very very hard isn’t it? Unbearably so at times…
I’m clutching at straws just to keep going but we must keep going.
It really helps, I think, having this place where we can express our feelings to understanding people.

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Hi . Yes it gets harder every day . And I feel every day my husband gets further away from me . I just plod on each day . Knowing well hoping that I will be back in his loving arms were I belong one day . I have to believe that . It’s the only thing that keeps me getting up each day and trying to go on . Other wise it’s all so pointless . Thinking of you xtake carex

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My memories are bitter sweet too .we went caravanning a lot and I get a lot of memories cropping up on Facebook . But I’m approaching the date of her death in 3 weeks ,a year ago so not looking forward . To it .

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Hi Tim
It is lovely to see photos of the same date 5 years ago etc. but also upsetting that you know you won’t be making any new memories with your loved one.
We too caravanned for 35 years and saw some wonderful places.
We had plans to visit more areas but it was not to be.
It is a difficult time for you with the anniversary coming up, so you will be in my thoughts.
X

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Hi. All memories upset me but the ones that come to mind most often are the ones I would prefer to forget, the year she underwent her horrendous treatment for the cancer that finally killed her.

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I understand it’s the images of the last year when your wife was undergoing treatment that are foremost in your memories.
My husband had chemo for 18 months for leukaemia, and the last 2 weeks of his life were just awful. I am finding it so hard to think of the good times we had, when he suffered so much, and I can’t stop thinking about that.
X

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My wife spent the last two weeks of her life on a ventilator so I do understand. When they had to stop treatment and turn it off ,it was aweful.
They told me it would be in the next 24 hours …it was only 8 hours

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Hi . My husband suffered terrible with the cancer treatment . Chemo and radiation . He was fit and well . Till the treatment totally destroyed him . And then had to wait 12 weeks for a scan after treatment finished . While cancer was spreading all over his body . He was told over the phone his cancer had spread . A week later appointment to see what treatment he could have . A week later he died . I wish he had never had the treatment . He could possible still be here . And most definetly not had to go through all the pain that treatment caused . These are the memories I try to forget . But they are always there . Xtake carex

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Jim,

I totally understand! I lost my darling husband in February. He was a musician and I haven’t been able to listen to any music since he died as the memories are just too painful. This weekend I was invited to a fundraising event with musicians who played with him in the past and loved his playing. He was a bass player and they all used to say he was the best and have never found anyone as good, along with his silly jokes!! Such happy memories. I loved it but now I’m home I am so desperately sad as just want to tell him all about it.
We also went caravanning and I just cannot bring myself to look back at all the photos. Like you, I’m told ‘well at least you have all your happy memories to look back on’. They mean well, but don’t realise you don’t want just the memories- you want the person you shared them with!

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Cabin,
Do you feel up to talking a little about your husband’s music? Of course I understand if not.
I am not musical but one of my sons is an occasional bass player and the other one plays guitar.
I’m going tonight with friends to a local jazz club. I did go with my wife before covid…I’m not sure how it will go but It’ll be so nice not being lonely for a while.
I wonder if you have been able yet to do anything similar?