A bit of calculation

It’s coming up to a year of loosing my amazing hubby and I can honestly say, I feel worst now. The numbness and anxiety has subsided many other emotions have taken it’s place, loneliness, guilt for him missing things and many more. I was offered a bit of information, which at the time I let go over my head. It’s this, if you was married 52 years and you have been grieving for 52 weeks, that is one week for every year you was married. So this is easy to explain, why the grieving process takes time and we are told to be kind to ourselves. Take care all in these sad and hard times , Donna x

It does seem to be worse as time passes, you do feel guilty and sad for the things they’re missing out on. Also if something changes, like I’ve got a smaller car since I lost my husband, as it’s easier for me to look after on my own, I feel so guilty and upset that he will never see it. I hate having to make decisions about things on my own.
That does make sense, grieving for one week every year you’re married, we need so much time , I don’t think we will ever stop x

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Hello Steph, thankyou for replying to my message. This time last year I was sat beside my husband’s hospital bed in ICU, he was put into an induced coma after having a routine biopsy and then having Sepsis, he fought hard for his life and I know he fought hard to stay with us. He was 52yrs young and fit and healthy, We lost him on the 18th April 2019. The last year has been very traumatic. I’ve known my husband since I was 11yrs old, I was 15yrs when we became boyfriend and girlfriend, I completely idolized him and still do. We have 2 amazing children , a son 25 and daughter 23. We have our first grandchild, he was only 4months when my hubby past. It would have been our 30th anniversary in Sept 2019, hubby booked a villa for us and the family to go and celebrate. I don’t know now, where I got the strength from but I carried it through. I’ve done and been through a lot more in this last year and it all seems like a blur when I think back. I feel a lot of emotions that can change from one minute to the next, I feel so sad and guilty that he’s not here to see and experience what I can, from seeing our little grandson growing to the sunsetting tonight but I know he’d want me to have these little pleasures, I’m sure it’s the same for you , with your little car. Take care Steph x

Thank you for your message, I felt so sad reading it.
I don’t know how you have found the strength to get through the first year. Your story is so heartfelt, it’s so so sad . You’ve known each other most of your life and to lose your husband so young it just breaks my heart. Me losing my husband young, 56, was and is devastating and when I read other stories about people’s lives My heart goes out to everyone.
You are strong pushing yourself to do things that you both planned and just getting through.
I know how you feel when you see your grandson growing and changing and your husband’s missing out on everything. I’m finding it so hard to think about doing anything really without him, I know I’ve got to push myself but I only have to think about what I could do and I just crumble.
When I read posts like yours, it does give me a bit of strength to try .
Thank you for sharing your story
Love to you and your family x

Hello Steph
I don’t really know myself how I’ve got through the last year, I think I’ve covered just about every emotion possible. I’ve had some very dark days, where I really didn’t think I could get through this, I’ve hit brick walls, stayed in bed for days. I still do have dark days but I’m learning to accept them and ride them through, I do what I can to get through them. You’re welcome to private message me, if you’d like to talk, take care, Donna x

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It’s sad that we have to just accept the dark days and our new life, the years we may have ahead of us, without our lovely hubby’s is so hard to think about.
When I look at my grandkids, I see Tim in them, he loved them so much and spoiled them rotten.
I’m sure you can see your hubby in your grandson, they will live on through them.
Thank you Donna, be nice to talk ,
Take care, Steph x

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