I was the only person with my Mum when she died. I have two brothers, but they had both stepped out. (We had been awake for about 30 hours at this point). I turned to check my phone for messages for about fifteen seconds, and when I turned back… she was gone. I took her by the shoulders and shook her, but it was over. I think part of me will always feel guilty that I turned away for those few moments. It was one of life’s roadblocks. It was three weeks ago now, but I keep thinking on it. I know it’s not my fault, but I just feel this huge sense of failure - of letting her down. I know I will get over it, but right now, it’s there every morning when I wake up.
I’ve read on this site alot that peoples loved ones have died ‘just’ the moments they popped out of the room, or popped to get a cup of tea or something similar. Its widely thought that people choose to die when their loved one isnt in the room or watching them.
In my case, I knew that my mum would not want me to see her die so I chose to sit in a relatives room when they turned her life support off. I dont regret it.
My mum would have known how distressing it would be. Perhaps your mum chose the short period that you were looking away?
My dearest husband of 59 years died whilst I was out of the room, I found him on our bedroom floor. It is 6 months ago and I felt guilty that I wasn’t with him.
I understand that some form of guilt is present when those we love, pass away.
I am a firm believer people chose when they want to go and the right time. My dad decided he wanted my brother out of the house as he knew he wouldn’t want to watch him pass. He had seen my two sisters and he was nice and clean. He had the two ladies who he knew were strong enough to see him through it. Don’t feel guilty you were there when it mattered x
Dear @corfe Thankyou for your post, it is so clear from your words here how much you loved your mum and were there for her I think although you don’t feel it you did her very proud and supported her in her last hours and days as much as you could which is just wonderful of you.