A double blow and I am not coping, everyone thinks that I am.

My beloved younger brother passed away on the 7th November 2015, he was 68 years old and I was 76. We had a special bond which started on the day I was allowed to nurse him in the taxi bringing him home from hospital 2 weeks after he was born. We were always so very close, ringing each other a couple of times per week, he stayed with us twice a month for at least one night sometimes two, because of his work commitments. I knew that he had a terminal lung disease, Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, I never dreamt that it would take him so soon although on reflection he tried to warn me and I did/would not listen. He was admitted into hospital at the end of October, last year suffering from pneumonia, I was very worried about him but I never expected the tragic outcome. Three days after he was admitted, our phone rang and much to my delight and relief his name appeared on the screen, thank God, I thought, he is well enough to ring me. Instead of his voice, it was my sister-in-law crying, saying J wants to say “goodbye”, as I type this the shock has appeared again. J was on oxygen and couldn’t breathe without it. When I heard his voice, I asked him if he was dying (what a stupid question). “Yes, love, I am” was the reply “and I want to say goodbye and to tell you that I love you sweetheart”. My reply was “and I love you too, sweetheart, go to your rest and be at peace”. I just couldn’t believe it and even now 13 months afterwards, I still can’t believe it. I couldn’t go to his funeral, he lived about 200 miles away and as I am practically housebound, it wasn’t possible for me or my husband to go. The rest of our family went, for which I was glad, a friend of ours’ who is a priest, held a Mass for us to begin at exactly the same time as J’s funeral was due to start. I still cannot get over the shock, I grieve so badly for him, I was lucky to have such a lovely, kind and loving brother for 68 years and I thank God for those years.

Six months later, my lifelong friend of nearly 72 years had a severe stroke, in fact it was my husband who found her after breaking into her home. She was found on the floor of her bedroom and I calculated that she had been there for at least 2 nights and 2 days. P was my friend, confidente and rock, all the years we have been friends, we have never let each other down. She was a great source of comfort to me, when my brother died, she had known him all his life, P lived exactly a month after the stroke, she did not have a funeral having left her body to medical science. I feel absolutely lost, two of the people whom I loved most in the world, apart from my husband and children, taken in such a sudden and cruel way.

Thank you for reading this, I do appreciate it, I joined this group yesterday and I am very grateful that I found it.

so sorry for your loss. You just have to get through every day as best you can . its never a matter of “time healing”, its time easing the pain and finding ways to get though each day and living your life as best you can.

Thank you for your reply, Nellie, you are quite right.

Thank you for your reply, Nellie, you are quite right.

Hi MaryL
I’m very sorry for your losses.
It is devastating losing someone you are so very close to, let alone losing any more.
I know how bereft you feel, I have lost 3 family members this year, the biggest loss was my Nan (she brought me up) in February, we spoke daily and I saw her often before she got ill and then I did the carer role for 4 months watching her decline. I was also very close to my Aunt who passed in July.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say other than I understand your losses and am sorry. I also feel lost and lonely too, despite having friends and family who care.
Warm wishes