A glimpse of hope and signs

Hello everyone,

Just a quick update. I had to change cars as I wrote on an earlier post.

I found a car that I liked and went for test drive. It was great. The dealer popped open the glove compartment and there was a strip of pills sitting there. He pulled them out and showed me - wondering what they were. Ok - so that was odd - because they were the same, rare, medication that Tom took when he was ill. Also, the car came from a dealership in Southampton called Inchcape - Tom had a pension with that company. I thought - this is him telling me that this is the right car for me. We agreed a price. The deal was done.

I drove my beloved old car, Tom’s car, for the last time back to the garage the following day for the handover.

When the dealer went to get the keys for my new car, I stood with my hand on the side of the old car, saying farewell and thank you, in my head. Tom and I had our first kiss in that car. He and I had driven miles in it, Tom at the wheel, through France, Switzerland and Italy. It was part of our relationship and saved our lives one day when we both went to sleep at 60mph, after a difficult time following my brother’s death. That big old car absorbed the impact. We lived to tell the tale and get to our home, now my home alone, in the mountains.

It was the car that had carried me to visits to see him the hospital, 2 hour daily round trips, when he was there for 5 long months. It was the car I drove home alone from the hospice the night he died and grief took me into its care. I owed that car a great deal.

Out came the dealer with the keys. I got into the new car, and reversed out, the old car standing in view as I pulled away. A chapter closed, another ending.

Today, I took the new car to the petrol station and shopping. And out for a bit of a run. My friends, I really like it and I think ,for obvious reasons, I will call it Phoenix.

This is shared because I know there will be others out there facing similar situations - if not cars, then clothes, homes, things of all kinds that have to be passed on for whatever reason. For me, the anticipation of the handover was so much worse than the reality. Even though my heart broke at the thought of another thing of Tom’s moving into my past, another break from him, the reality is that he is with me and always will be. That strip of pills was the glimpse into the world that awaits us all, where our loved ones are, our loved ones who continue to love us, no matter what.

The old car will find new friends and family, as I have found new friends and family on here after Tom died.

Thank you for being with me on the road of grief. Going through this with you all has made it possible for me.

Loads of love x


Thankyou Vancouver for such an inspiring message. Very often the anticipation is so much worse than the reality.
The dread of anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, weekends, bank holidays. But we all get through them. I don’t even think about them now. I also found that when I made the break from my husbands things it made no difference as he was still there with me. Items were not him, I didn’t need them as he is firmly fixed in my heart and memory.
Good luck


@Vancouver @Pattidot a I really needed these posts today. I’ve struggled with everything, thinking too much, too far ahead, what would he want if he was here etc etc.
I’m keeping our campervan so I sold the car I use everyday. I was cleaning it today as it’s going on Tuesday and heard this squawk and right above me, very close, was a hawk. I’ve seen so many, up close, since he died. Usually at times of difficulty. I believe it’s him saying he sees me and it’s ok.

Your posts meant a lot today. Reminding me there are good and bad times and it’s going to be ok. Thank you


@Ali29 - my friend - you are doing so well there. The hawk is for you like that strip of pills was for me - a direct line to those we love, who still love us more than ever. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday x

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@Vancouver your post is so what I needed to hear today. Thank you
I have spent the day in tears clearing out our caravan. So many memories. We had been planning on going away for a week this weekend in it but that wasn’t to be.
Instead I have decided to sell it. I could never tow it, and have decided even if I could tow it going away in it on my own would never be the same.
Such a hard decision as it’s another end to the life I once knew but made better by knowing others are making these decisions and still surviving on this awful journey.

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@Doughtyj - hold tight, hold on, keep going. You are handling all this tough stuff so well. I know how hard this is. Hold on, keep posting, we are with you x

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Thanks @Vancouver it really does help to vent off feelings on here. It’s such a tough journey we are all on.


Wow that’s actually amazing! They never fail to show us that they are still there watching over us do they!

I wasn’t a huge believer before but losing my Mum absolutely broke me. I could not accept that she was truly gone. It never made sense to me that she was gone forever you know :woman_shrugging:

I’ve had a lot of unexplained things happening since and I believe in my heart she is showing me that she will never leave me. I did question a lot and put it down to coincidence but I simply can’t anymore cause she has shown me so much!