Hello everyone,
Just a quick update. I had to change cars as I wrote on an earlier post.
I found a car that I liked and went for test drive. It was great. The dealer popped open the glove compartment and there was a strip of pills sitting there. He pulled them out and showed me - wondering what they were. Ok - so that was odd - because they were the same, rare, medication that Tom took when he was ill. Also, the car came from a dealership in Southampton called Inchcape - Tom had a pension with that company. I thought - this is him telling me that this is the right car for me. We agreed a price. The deal was done.
I drove my beloved old car, Tom’s car, for the last time back to the garage the following day for the handover.
When the dealer went to get the keys for my new car, I stood with my hand on the side of the old car, saying farewell and thank you, in my head. Tom and I had our first kiss in that car. He and I had driven miles in it, Tom at the wheel, through France, Switzerland and Italy. It was part of our relationship and saved our lives one day when we both went to sleep at 60mph, after a difficult time following my brother’s death. That big old car absorbed the impact. We lived to tell the tale and get to our home, now my home alone, in the mountains.
It was the car that had carried me to visits to see him the hospital, 2 hour daily round trips, when he was there for 5 long months. It was the car I drove home alone from the hospice the night he died and grief took me into its care. I owed that car a great deal.
Out came the dealer with the keys. I got into the new car, and reversed out, the old car standing in view as I pulled away. A chapter closed, another ending.
Today, I took the new car to the petrol station and shopping. And out for a bit of a run. My friends, I really like it and I think ,for obvious reasons, I will call it Phoenix.
This is shared because I know there will be others out there facing similar situations - if not cars, then clothes, homes, things of all kinds that have to be passed on for whatever reason. For me, the anticipation of the handover was so much worse than the reality. Even though my heart broke at the thought of another thing of Tom’s moving into my past, another break from him, the reality is that he is with me and always will be. That strip of pills was the glimpse into the world that awaits us all, where our loved ones are, our loved ones who continue to love us, no matter what.
The old car will find new friends and family, as I have found new friends and family on here after Tom died.
Thank you for being with me on the road of grief. Going through this with you all has made it possible for me.
Loads of love x
