A Journey without husband

Hi Marilyn
I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and have just found this community. It has been so helpful to read the experiences of others and I can identify with so much that is said. I am lucky to have the support of family and friends but it is often in company that I feel most lonely. At the end of the day no one can give me the one thing I want which is my lovely husband back. We were childhood sweethearts married 40 years and so happy it seems so unfair. I glimpse the future and it feels so scary without my special someone. Like you I am trying to keep busy people think I am coping so well but inside I feel so empty.
Thanking all of you for sharing Julieanne

Hi Katy
I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and have just found this community. It has been so helpful to read the experiences of others and I can identify with so much that is said. I am lucky to have the support of family and friends but it is often in company that I feel most lonely. At the end of the day no one can give me the one thing I want which is my lovely husband back. We were childhood sweethearts married 40 years and so happy it seems so unfair. I glimpse the future and it feels so scary without my special someone. Like you I am trying to keep busy people think I am coping so well but inside I feel so empty.
Thanking all of you for sharing Julieanne

I was sorry to hear of the insensitive people following your sad loss. I found quite the opposite. My husband died in March following a short illness. I cared for him at home for his last three weeks helped by fantastic district nurses. The nurses both attended his funeral and popped in quite a few times to see how I was coping. My GP phoned me the day after John’s death to check on how I was and then followed that up by another call a few weeks later. The receptionist at the doctor’s surgery even sent a card.
I feel so supported but still feel so so very very sad. Not for my loss but because I have a future and my husband hasn’t. I cry with sadness for him and what he’s missing and will miss. All the years he worked hard and didn’t have a retirement. Life is so dam cruel.

Hi woody I have just joined this forum I have just lost my husband in June this year we were married for forty years , don’t think anyone could possibly know the pain we feel and the loneliness I often walk into wigan just to get out of the house I’m dreading winter

Hi julieAnne I lost my husband June 17th this year we had been married 40 yrs I’ve just had my 65th birthday and feel young at heart but think I will struggle going out with couples as we went everywhere together i walk into wigan quite a lot just to get out I’ve only just joined this forum and can relate to how everyone feels

Hi Katy
I know what you mean about not feeling ready, even though you knew your husband was dying My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with spread to the liver in March of this year. He seemed to respond well to chemo, and didn’t even look ill. Then he was suddenly plagued by various infections which meant the chemo had to stop. Up until then I had hoped for a miracle too, that maybe he would get so better that they would be able to operate. I then realised that wouldn’t be possible, but dared hope at least that he would survive a couple of years. That hope kept us both going until his last infection of e colie, He looked so ill and thin that I knew I couldn’t fool my self any longer. Pat knew then too. He had always said he didn/t want to know the prognosis, so I had to keep it from him. Bless him when he found out, he was just worried about me .So yes, he died 6 months and 5 days after diagnosis, but I still wasn’t ready, I was still shocked beyond belief. Wishing you comfort and hugs x

Hi Smartie
Ive not been on this site for several weeks but I received a text to say you had replied to my entry. How long is it since your husband died? It is now nearly since my husband died but it seems like yesterday. I am beginning to build up a new life but miss my husband so much and still cry at night time when his absence hits me hard. Like you my husband seemed to be doing ok with his chemo then he suddenly went down hill and died 3 weeks later. I still can not beleive how quickly he went down hill. We had plans for the summer, a holiday, daughters wedding and our Ruby wedding anniversary but he did not survive long enough to celebrate any of them.
I hope you have been able to start to build a new life, its so hard but we have to find the strength to carry on. I just have to keep telling myself that my husband would not want me to be mourning his death for the foreseeable future. I hope the shock of loosing your husband is easing, I do find I can go out now and enjoy myself but the lonliness hits me every time I return home.
Do keep in touch . Look after yourself . My thoughts are with you because I know how much you are suffering, Katy

Hello Vonn
I am so sorry for your loss.Yes 40 years is a long time to share your life with someone and the loss is indescribable. I think we all find our own ways of trying to cope and I keep busy to the point of exhaustion because as soon as I stop I have to think and that is too painful. The journey of grief is not a continuum is it? Its very unpredictable and therefore not controllable some days I think I am moving forward, coming to terms with the fact he is not coming back and then it’s back to square one and a day of tears.
Take care of yourself
Julieanne

Hi Woody
Sorry to hear of the added pain you are going through with your daughter. I lost my Mum nearly 2 years ago. Unlike your daughter, my Mum brought us up alone so don’t really feel the same as her. However I did feel orphaned and alone even though I was 37 at the time. It seems to me she may exhibiting signs of frustration as she needs you to look after her and tell her things will get better. As you say, grief doesn’t come with a manual but reading the comments on here makes me realise the subtle differences we all feel and makes me think about how I can help others. Which in a way helps me.
I’m sure things will get better.
Look after yourself first. Then you can help your daughter.
Dave

I suddenly & unexpectedly lost my husband of 35 years in May. I’m determined not to be bowed by this. I get my days of grieving and tend to keep my own company when I feel so upset.

Since May, I’ve joined a knitting group, walk my dog with friends, my dog has become a therapy pet at a local special needs school (DH did this before me), canvass & campaign for a local party, go to courses at the London School of Psychic Studies and been abroad on my own to our second home in Spain…now being sold by me.

I think it’s a case of survival and not allowing ourselves to fester in constant grief. I get my moments- had a grief breakdown at my nephew’s this week- but always feel better after giving in to this awful sad feeling.

I know my DH would be proud of me, because I was always independent and interested in other things when we were married.

I went to a well known medium a couple of months ago and he said my DH told me to get involved in stimulating activities as well as keep my children & grandchildren close. I’m taking DH at his word!

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Hello…im new here today in fact. My husband died in 2015 of fatal heart attack. My lost is in here called two and a half years on…

Going out on my own after being together for 55 years and wed 51 was very hard and i eventually went out to eat in restauranrlts on my own ans surprisingly felt ok amongst other diners. Started off with a local pub restaurant and felt welcolm andhad a meal solo. I missed my hubby so much but it got easier. Going out solo after many years being a couple is impossible for many but it can depend on the individual and their personality. By going out and about after the initial outing may get easier just need to pace yourself. Take each day as it comes dont force yourself into action as this can be very tiring.

I keenly feel your pain and hope you are maybe going out more and finding it eadier

Misty1

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