A 'lil bit of hope 💞

Hello everyone who finds themselves here.

Somedays I come away feeling a bit sadder, reading about our tragedies and I wonder why I keep coming back.

With this in mind, I thought it might be an idea to start a thread to share stories or books or anything that has provided something akin to feeling inspired regarding as I like to say, moving forward… just a little bit. But never to move on!

Sometimes these moments can allow us to tap into something that may release peace and provide a break from the mental trauma.

I hope we can share and discuss how what we have come across as an additional support to the forum.

I’ll start…

I am currently reading this book and I am finding it useful. To be able to read other peoples stories who were once in the same place is an inspiration.

https://juliasamuel.co.uk/books/grief-works

Much love and light. Merrin :heart::broken_heart:

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Hi M,
What a wonderful idea.
It’s an emotional roller coaster being consumed with grief.

I find keeping a private journal and writing things to my partnetand the family have been doing.
My personal emotions and how I’m feeling .
I know he will never read it but some days it helps
:blush:

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I read a lot of quotes I think this one is true. I am a year into grief I am learning to swim stronger than the night Mick passed. For months I was drowning

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That’s lovely, and so accurate. I am still in the shallow end. :swimming_man:‍♂

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Hi just thought I’d share this today that I came across it was on woman’s hour and it touches on dealing with losing someone.

12.30 minutes in, Maureen Lipman talks about losing a partner 10 weeks ago after the loss of a previous long term partner.

She mentions how empathy is a gift and you can’t expect it from everyone. Interesting thing to say, I think. I found she touches on coping with other peoples reaction to your grief helpful.

Let me know what you think?

Mx

Hi. What a co incidence. I ordered a book by Maureen Lipman called 'Past it Notes." It arrived today and I haven’t a clue when I ordered it. Perhaps it was meant to help me or just a reminder that I am cracking up completely.

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@Merrin
Thank you for highlighting Womans Hour, I did listen to it. I used to listen to Emma Barnet on Radio Five, she seems less exuberant on Radio Four, I used to like her lively exchanges with her guests.

@RichardM Yes I have also noticed the difference. But pleased to see she hasn’t changed her forensic and thorough interview skills, i think it may have something to do with the people she is interviewing now, her ways them a bit stumped on ‘more gentle’ radio 4, me thinks.

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@Merrin that is true. Not keen on the misery guts I am now, but difficult to imagine ever getting back to the me I used to be. The magic is and probably always will be missing! He got me like nobody else! God we used to laugh!

I feel so strongly sometimes that the ‘paul’ me has been wiped out. But then sitting outside having lunch today with a mate, I came back a bit.

It’s moments, just moments like these that encourage an inch or two of hope I think. :heart::broken_heart:

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Hi,
I’ve just listened to women’s hour.
I found it enlightening that she still had a touch of humour throughout her grief.
It’s bad enough dealing with one partner in your life passing but sadly she’s endured two.
I’m still amazed that I make it through the day and relieved when it’s a reasonable hour to go to bed.
X

Hi Paula,

I’m glad to read you found it enlightening. It can be a bit overwhelming peering into the future, but knowing how other people, who happen to be in the limelight, have coped with it, can be reassuring. Nigella Lawson has lost her mother, sister and husband before she was 50. The way she seems to have moved forward I think can be seen as something positive for us to look to.

Mx

So very true, I used to be so outgoing, confident and could walk into a room full of people I did not know with Peter by my side and I was so proud to be on his arm. The thought of going anywhere on my own now fills me with dread and if I don’t have to go out I don’t. My confidence has gone and I know I am no longer the person I was when Peter was here also the pandemic hasn’t helped either because it has made me
short tempered, I cannot tolerate incompetence or people who say stupid things. I have to bite my tongue otherwise I could cheerfully give them a slap.

Sheila.x

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Hello everyone.

I’ve been reading the forum since I lost John, my husband, to cancer in January and I have been meaning to post.

Anyway, when the actress Helen McCrory died last week, someone tweeted this to her husband, Damian Lewis. I find it describes my grief perfectly and helps. It’s quite long, but it compares losing someone to being caught in a ship wreck and the ensuing grief as being hit by massive waves which gradually get less powerful over time, but never entirely go away. The significant point it makes is that even when you are hit by a wave, as time passes you are more and more aware that you will come through it.
https://twitter.com/RachBrockway/status/1383089288779345922/photo/1

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Hi @HeidiTopman,

I’ve just read the tweet and found it a useful way to understand how things will be in the future. Indeed the waves are very frightening at the start and then when you find yourself in different situations like enjoying the sunshine feeling relaxed, almost dozing and then it just strikes again.

But to know that the fear and intensity will change, but the waves never leave you just as their memory won’t.

Mx :heart::broken_heart:

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Dear HeidiTopman
Thank you for sharing this, it helps a lot. At the moment my tears are every day, today I’ve cried all day, but it helps knowing we will have crying bouts but further apart and we know when we have these crying bouts we get through it and try our best to cope the next day. Its just so hard to think our grief will change over time and that we can build a different life for ourselves, but we have to be kind to ourselves and take one day at a time.
I’m so glad you posted this as today I have had some really dark thoughts, I’ve really struggled, really don’t want to be in this life, but you have made me see some light at the top of the tunnel.
Warm hugs to you
Amy x

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I am so glad it has helped @Amy49 and @Merrin. I hoped it might help others.
I have kept it in mind all day today as it is/was John’s birthday. One of the many firsts I will have to deal with I guess. It did help a little.

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It most certainly does!

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