Hi Vancouver,
It was interesting to read your post and about the tornado that will one day hit one of those couples in the future…
My latest encounter was with a neighbour who luckily I don’t see very often who always has a grumble about the wife, the mothering law or the children… On asking how I was and me replying that It is hard he put his arm around me and said,…Well you never know you might meet somebody else!!! To which I replied good heavens I don’t want anyone else if I can’t have Pete. I still can’t believe he said it. If only people
would stop and think what hurt they can cause by their supposed well meaning comments they would keep quiet. I can only think it must have made him feel good initially but hopefully not after my reply.
It stayed with me for days after…
Wishing you peace,
Jenny
Hello Rose45
People just can’t help themselves sometimes! I bumped into someone recently who said “you must feel very lonely”. It was like a thunderbolt that went straight to the huge lonely part of me! I couldn’t wait to get away from them and come in and cry. Yes, I do feel lonely but I don’t need someone I don’t know that well to state the bloody obvious. How can you be anything but lonely and alone without your love with you? It would have been much more constructive and kinder if she hadn’t said it but instead asked if I would like a walk or a cuppa. I hope all the pain, lonliness and sadness I presently feel will equipe me to help my friends and family in the future when the inevitable darkens their hearts. I do hope so 
Oh it is so hurtful what people say I have had to put the phone down even to a family member as they say things that hurt me with out realising I hope I will be able to help some one when it happens to them like you say as we will know how it feels
Not many ask me out for a walk or a cuppa or send me a nice message it would be nice wouldn’t it
Take care xx
Evening all how have you all copped with the day good and bad moments I guess it’s so hard with out my soul mate feel like I have been forgotten by family and definitely friends ni text just to say hi how you doing what a horrible life now I just need to talk to my husband miss him more each day
Thinking you xx
Hi. I know how you feel I’m sure if we could have just one conversation with our partner it would make us feel so much better . I talk to my hubby in my head all day . And also to his photo . I feel angry sometimes but never with him . I know he wanted to live so much and not to leave me. All we can do is plodd on every day and hope one day we will be reunited. Xtake carex
Thanks Brocken always some ont in here that understands and knows how we fee
Hope we sleep last night was horrible so has been harder to get through the day xxl
Yes it is worse when you have a bad night sleep . The thoughts just go round your head and then the next day your head is muggy .hope you have a restful night and get some sleep xtake care x
Hi Vancouver,
I’m a newbie on here and yours is the post I’ve read… sadly it all made complete sense and yes, I feel so sorry for the pain that one half of most couples will feel, because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Welcome Budge. This is a lovely, supportive forum where the other people understand where you are coming from. We all have different journeys but so many of us have similar bumps, detours and hairpin bends on the way. I hope conversing with likeminded souls will be of comfort to you. Take care.
Thank you for being so welcoming, much appreciated.
I’m sure I’ll soon get familiar with finding my way around the forum.
Hi everyone
I agree with you all it’s just so hard and awful. When I first started coming on here I found it overwhelming and sometimes just to sad as I didn’t want to hear that the sadness and emptiness doesn’t go away, I didn’t want to read post from people saying they were a year, five years, ten years in and they still felt the loss as if it was there first day and I didn’t understand how people could talk about ending their lives/ wishing they could just end it all to be with their husband or wife. I found it too much. However, I’m still here 17weeks tomorrow and have such a different outlook now, I understand now that it doesn’t get better, it just gets harder and harder, the pain just intensifies as time goes on. I think at first, even though you are so heartbroken as the weeks and months start to roll by everything just gets so hard. I constantly cry, get so tired of having to paint the “outside world” face on, I hate it. I have some great family and friends but if they knew the thoughts that go round and round in my head about ending it all they’d be so upset. It makes you feel like you have to hide from everyone. I’ve always been such an optimistic person who lived life, especially the small things in life, but I feel like I just don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t see a way that this is ever going to change, I just want everything to go back to how it was, but I know it can’t. 
Hello Karenlouise
My husband died 19 weeks ago on 23 November and so we have experienced our loss for a similar time. I too have felt that life is so painful and there is no respite from it that what is the point of continuing. Personally, what always brings me back are thoughts of my friends and family and that if I decided not to be here anymore then the grief that I am experiencing will just be passed on down the line. It is so hard to let your guard down and find someone you can talk to about how you honestly feel. It may be harder to be honest with your family or friends as you don’t want to frighten them with the intense thoughts and feelings you have but maybe reach out to but a bereavement counsellor or the samaritans. It does help to talk about all that is going round and round in our brains, to talk about our loss and how we have loved someone so much their no longer being here is almost too painful to bear. I have started having counselling at my local hospice and it is starting to help me. It doesn’t take away the devastating loss and sadness but it allows me to vent all the unspoken thoughts and feelings that I have. I have to believe that things will get better and at some point I will not always cry, feel sad and yearn for him as I do now. With love
Hi @Lady11
Thank you for your advice, I know what you mean and I guess that’s why I haven’t done anything so far
I’m due to start counselling today with Cruse so really hoping this helps in some way
Xxx
Welcome, @Budge - we are right here with you and know that grief and loss are really tough. I find the community here to be a real source of love, help and strength. Hold tight as you go today and know you are part of a family here that understands and that has got you, like it has got me, too.x
Hi Karenlouise
I used cruse for about 9 months, all I can say is stick with it, they saved me literally, I met some wonderful people during the process . i was in the darkest places in my mind when I lost my wife of 38 years last February, they were so good I am waiting to go on their training to be a councillor myself but you have to wait 2 years after your loss. Good luck
Well how is every ones Saturday how are you copping with the loneliness and emptiness I hate being here with out my only love my life know one to tell how I am feeling this was not how it was suppose to end was suppose to be growing old tougher watching out grandchildren grow up all alone is too hard the children don’t need to know how I am feeling so I hope it’s ok to write it down on here with friends who know how it feels some off you may have found a way to deal with it hope you having a better day xx
Today I am having a better day than last weekend. I met a good friend for lunch and we went to the cinema, she came back for cup of tea and we chatted alot about my husband and her mum who had passed away 16 months ago. How we are both truly coping with our grief. It did us both the power of good to talk.
Now I am going for tea at my daughter’s, and will see my grandchildren. But than I have to come back to a empty house, missing Doug, that when the loneliness and sadness starts again.
But I do count my blessings with good friends and a loving family. X X
Glad that you had a better day thank you for sharing it is good to talk but not easy to find some one who wants to listen have a good evening
Xx
Hi Karenlouise
I hope your first counselling session with Cruse went OK.
Hi Rose45
It is more than OK to write it down and share on here. I fell here is a safe place where we know a bit of what you are going through. Some people write when they are having a bad day or having a better day and it’s OK because we have all felt good and not so good times - even sometimes all in one day
Today was an OK day for me. Spent some time outside in the garden enjoying the sunshine and cutting back the daffodils which have now gone over. I have noticed a blue tit going into the box with bits of nesting material. We (still say we not I) 
have a camera in the box and so I looked on the TV and there is a lovely nest being built, so hopefully eggs and chicks this year. It was something that brought us happiness each year watching the eggs hatch
I still am Covid positive and still isolating so another day not seeing anyone face to face - it’s now a whole week. Fingers crossed it shall be negative in the next day or two.