A new perspective

I posted here before about how my mum passed away at the end of November, she’d been ill for a long time due to a non-terminal but chronic disease, and had various other health problems on top of it. We knew for a while things weren’t looking good but I only truly started to consider her condition as terminal in May last year.

After another hospital admission in may 23 my dad called me crying to say the doctor had taken him aside and explained my mum had type 2 respiratory failure, which wasn’t going to improve and usually had about a 2 year prognosis. I had to try to come to terms with this but at the same time, 2 years felt like a reasonable length of time and nothing felt too immediate.

When she passed away in November I felt robbed; I know prognoses aren’t always accurate but 6 months felt way too soon and it felt like we lost her prematurely.

My dad was doing some admin the other day and came across an unopened envelope with a hospital discharge letter in it from Feb 2022. My mum was in intensive care for 6 days then with Covid and it said in the discharge letter which was to be given to my mum’s GP that she was now considered to have T2RF.

The original copy of the letter was given to my mum’s GP, but nobody, either the GP nor the consultant at the hospital at the time told us or what it could mean. I’m not blaming anyone per se, it was a difficult time for medical staff and I guess wired got crossed, but it’s given me a different view on my mum’s terminal diagnosis and I don’t know how I feel about not learning of it over a year sooner than I did.

Maybe this post is a bit of a shout into the void about it but I don’t know if I wish I knew sooner so I’d have appreciated our time together even more and done things differently. I feel so guilty now for things like spending Christmas 2022 with my partner’s family now, and changing jobs in early 2023 when I could’ve stayed in my old job closer to where she lived.


Many years ago, my boss told me that you can only make a decision using the facts you knew at the time. If we waited until we were certain of every possible factor, we’d do nothing.
The same principle applies to this.