A new year and the loss of my husband

The sudden realisation came to me that I would now have to say that my husband died last year.
.The months have flown by merging into each other and I can’t believe it’s 9 months since he died .For me it’s been, and still is ,truly exhausting .
I look back on lots of tears (which there still are) pain ,and a myriad of different emotions …I’ve gone through so many from numbness to acceptance and the realisation that I’ll never see him again in my lifetime ,resentment that he had to get ill and die,anger that his life was shortened, guilt -things I should have done or not done, fear of the future and,the fear that I’ll forget some little detail about him or our life together ,the yearning to turn the clock back and especially the overwhelming sadness and loneliness .I miss him so much ,his love and companionship and being able to share my life with him .I f I’d ever thought about what it would be like to lose your husband it’s been far worse than I would ever have imagined .
I shall continue on my journey.
Christine

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Hi Christine
I Cant imagine how you are feeling but just to let you know you have my heartfelt thoughts and if you ever want someone to talk to im here.
I lost my dad back in April which is different from losing a partner but ever since I found it tough and I miss him soo much every single day.
Thinking of you. Xxxxx

Hi tree1
Thanks for replying I lost my father in 2002 to cancer which was only discovered a few days before he died I was absolutely heartbroken at the time but life carried on around me and I had my husband and family for support .As you say it is a different loss but it’s still a loss I look back now on all my happy memories of my father which I will always have and carry his love inside my heart
If you want to chat also I’ll always listen
Take care
Christine xx

Hello ChristineM
I am in almost the same place as you, except for me, it’s 6 months, not 9. You are frightened that you will forget him, and I am sure that will not happen. I am fortunate in that I have kept a diary since we were married, 54 years ago but that obviously is of no use to you now. So, in your situation, I would get a pretty notebook, and write down, as they come to you, all the things you remember, the places you went, particular things you remember him saying, and anything else you can think of. Not all at once, obviously, just when you think of something.
Some people on here have suggested writing a letter saying all the things you would want to say to him if you had the chance. Whatever works for you. I really can say I know what you are going through and I am sorry because I know it is absolute hell. It’s a wonder we haven’t drowned in our tears.
I hope this helps and I wish you peace.
Hugs
AnnR xx

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Hello Annr
Thanks for your suggestions
I have been writing my feelings down from time to time in a notebook just to get them “off my chest” “ as I found I had so much to say and no one to talk to I will as you say write down memories aswell
The writing of a letter is a good idea and I’ll definitely do this also as I’ve so much I want to say to my husband
Thanks again and take care
Christine

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Hi Christine, I read your message with tears streaming down my face. I lost my husband in July and I have had all these emotions - I thought it was just me. I miss him every day. One moment I think I am doing and then something really stupid will set me off. I try to be positive and remember all the wonderful memories we made together. I don’t think i will ever get over this but I will get through it. You are in my thoughts.x

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Hi Meahawes
I’m very sorry to hear about your sad loss
Reading the posts on here I realise we are all going through the same emotions .Like yourself I try to be positive and happy for my husbands sake as he would want me to be and we have our memories but as you say it’s so hard
We will never get over losing them -how can you “”get over “ losing someone you love? Your love for them doesn’t have an expiry date and don’t they deserve to be always loved and remembered ?
I’ve been told I need to move on - move on to where? There is no magic place where it’s going to be better you can’t turn the clock back
As you say we have to move through it in our own way My thoughts are with you please let me know how you are doing
Take care
Christine xx

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Hi Christine. I lost my husband, aged 81,on 8th Dec 2020 few weeks ago. (also sister 18 days b4 and then brother 9 days b4) so had 3 to mourn! The loss of my sister and brother is horrible but the loss of my husband is unbearable. The empty house is the worst. I was his carer for 4 years. I have to pick myself up somehow. I was with him holding is hand able to talk to him when he passed suddenly.
We all wish we cld turn the clock back. Already I am thinking I should have done this or I shouldn’t, shld have said or shdnt have said something. My thgts go all over the place. The loss of a husband/partner is truly horrific. My husband sister and brother are now no longer suffering. They wdnt want me to be sad but the tears come and go all the time. My motivation has gone. Hopefully in time I will feel like me again. We are or all have been
in this empty void. Take care. Xx

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Hi Ellie

I’m so very sorry to read about the loss of your husband brother and sister all within such a short period of time It is all so sad
Everything you say I can relate to it is unbearable losing your husband
take comfort from knowing he was well cared for by yourself and that he would want you to be happy
Take care
Christine xx

Thank u Christine. Had terrible day breaking in down in tears practically all day. Today I have been better except when met an old neighbour who told me how sorry she was. Of course the tears came… Had mask on tho. Have been sorting paperwork finances etc. So much to cancel ti’s up. I looked after him for four years… He didn’t want to go in Nursing home. He got his wish also died suddenly with me beside him. Didn’t know much about it.
Yes I am proud I did look after him and can take comfort from that Thanks for saying it.
I feel tho I haven’t given much time to grieve my late brother and sister. Maybe shortly I can.
I must be grateful I cld be with my husband. How people can cope by not being able to see their sick loved ones due to Covid… Awful. Take care xxx

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Thanks Ellie
My husband died of covid
He had been unwell for several years with cancer and then copd Unfortunately he had to be left to die on his own in hospital I wish I could have been with him at the end as you were with your husband but this was not to be
You are in my thoughts
Christine xx

Hi Christine, I know exactly we’re you’re coming from. It’s a living nightmare. I dread waking up each day with the thought of doing it all again without him. X

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Hi Lyndal
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a terrible time My thoughts are with you
Take care
Christine xx

Hi Christine
I lost my husband in September. He went out on a lovely sunny day and never returned. Together for 42 years and married 38. I write to him everyday - sometimes several times. The pain of his loss is so great. I know he is not coming back through the door but still find myself sitting at home in disbelief. I can relate to all the emotions that you outlined. Not sure how I will get through this or even want to without him.

Hi Sheila

I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband
It’s the loss of a whole lifetime isn’t it ?Like you
I was with my husband many years (45 years and married for 43 )and you share so much together ups and downs it’s such a massive loss with the awful loneliness that goes with it
It’s trying to live without the person you loved in your life
I hope you can take some comfort knowing that although it doesn’t change our situation others are going through it too
Take care
Christine xx

Hi Christine
Thank you. I can relate to what everyone is/has gone through. I can only take one day at a time. I do not feel I have a future. We were meant to be continuing to plan our retirement together - none of these dreams will ever be achieved. We had gone through a tough 4 years financially following both of us loosing our jobs and selling the family home. Things were just starting to sort themselves out. He was my everything. I only have a small group of friends but only one is really still here for me. I think others struggle if I get upset. Christmas was so hard, despite my son’s best efforts but he too is struggling without his dad. My daughter lives in another part of the country and she too is struggling without her dad and being able to see me.

Ian was my everything and I am finding it extremely difficult to see a way through this but I do thank you for your message.

Stay safe. xx

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Hi Sheila, I feel the same. Living in a nightmare. Big hugs. X

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Hi lyndal

Thank you . Today not a good day. Take care xxx

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Hi there. Just joined this community. I saw what Christine had written, and it do resonated. My husband died in April 2019, and I felt just fed sane as NY 2020 came. ‘My husband died last year’ suddenly feels like you should be getting along okay doesn’t it? It was to me a year he’d never lived in. How could that be. We’d been together since I was 16, and I’m 63 now. This year is another year without him, and it weighs heavy still. My brothers and in-laws etc, were very close to my husband and they too have found his loss hard to accept. They tend to shy away from talking about him. We had no children either so the isolation and sense of being alone is tough. I’m lucky to be active and able to get out, but lockdown doesn’t help us does it. Anyway just wanted to add.

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My day is bad too. Let’s support each other. X

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