I lost my husband 5 months ago. We had been married for 47 years. I miss him every day and the tears still fall on a regular basis. I am lucky that i have three amazing children and their families but I do try to remember that they have lost their Dad/Bampy. Lock down has made this even harder. I do try to be positive but it is not always easy. [quote=“ChristineM, post:1, topic:34176, full:true”]
The sudden realisation came to me that I would now have to say that my husband died last year.
.The months have flown by merging into each other and I can’t believe it’s 9 months since he died .For me it’s been, and still is ,truly exhausting .
I look back on lots of tears (which there still are) pain ,and a myriad of different emotions …I’ve gone through so many from numbness to acceptance and the realisation that I’ll never see him again in my lifetime ,resentment that he had to get ill and die,anger that his life was shortened, guilt -things I should have done or not done, fear of the future and,the fear that I’ll forget some little detail about him or our life together ,the yearning to turn the clock back and especially the overwhelming sadness and loneliness .I miss him so much ,his love and companionship and being able to share my life with him .I f I’d ever thought about what it would be like to lose your husband it’s been far worse than I would ever have imagined .
I shall continue on my journey.
Christine
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Hello Christine M.
My husband passed away in November 2020, everything you said resonated with me. At the moment I have an overwhelming fear of the future and cannot imagine a life without him. Like you said the loss I feel is so much worse than I thought possible and I miss him so much. He was a man who always told me how deeply he loved and cared for me. I sometimes feel like I am going mad, it is so helpful to know that other people have the same feelings.
Christy
I agree. Only sharing our thoughts/feelings with others in a similar position can give us some hope and confirm that we are not going mad.
A small number of relatives/friends have made the most insensitive comments - they think they are helping but are not. I have had to ask them to stop contacting me for a while. On my birthday one sent me a picture of my husband. This did send me over the top - I have 42 years of pictures - the fact is I just want Ian back and it breaks my heart that this is just not possible.
Hi Christy and Sheila26
Yes sometimes i feel like I’m going mad as thoughts of my husband are whirling around in my head all the time from the moment I wake up it’s never ending
it’s reassuring to know that others feel like this too
and we are all sharing the same emotions
A cold grey day today and everything is so negative with this lockdown makes it all so much harder
Take care
Christine xx
I lost my partner of 22 years in May last year after he was diagnosed with cancer 4 months earlier. I thought the same at New Year as it was the first time I’d started a year without him for a very long time. I said the same that I would have start saying I lost him last year and it feels like I’m leaving him behind. It’s heartbreaking but you’re not alone x
Dear Elaine
Your words have brought tears to my eyes
I can so relate to the feeling that we are moving through this new year on our own leaving our husbands further behind in the past
It’s scary to think that loved ones could be forgotten and to have to face this new year and the future without them
Thinking of you take care
Christine x
Oh my goodness Christine, you have just summed up my feelings exactly. I lost my partner on 19th January 2020 so am just coming up to nearly a year of losing him and I felt so scared to go into this new year knowing that he wouldn’t physically be with me for any part of it whereas I had 3 weeks with him in 2020 before he so suddenly passed away. I hope this makes sense, sorry to ramble on. Sending you love Xxxx
Dear Jo G
I understand exactly what you mean
You don’t think of this until the next year begins and then you realise the date we lost our husband is approaching
In this new year nothing can ever be the same and we have to face it on our own now
Thinking of you
Take care
Christine x
Hi Christina . I understand how u feel and all those Emotions of grief … my husband died 5 years ago now and my dear mum 10 months ago to Covid … But those 5 years have just rolled into each day, month and years . I don’t think I will ever get over that loss .its been tough heartbreaking time . I found adjusting to a new life a different life without him very hard, we was married many years . The rawness of grief has softened but I still cry for him and miss him terribly… I am sorry for your loss .
Dear iris
So sorry to hear about the sad loss of your husband and then your mum
. You’re so right it is tough and heartbreaking living this different way of life. I was married for many years too like yourself and its everything you’ve known gone
Thank you for your kind words
Thinking of you and take care
Christine x
To all of you here who think that the New Year is moving you further away from your loved ones, I have something that may help. I was told that with each day that passes you are not getting further away from them (leaving them in the past) but you are moving a day nearer to them.(in the future)
I hope this helps.
I have tried from the very beginning to have a routine. Routine has been a huge thing for me.
I had joined a gym before my husband died, as I believed ‘something’ told me I needed to get fit and strong for what was to come. Living alone it ensures I actually talk to another person.
I get up at the same time each day. My gym is now on line so that’s good. I then have breakfast and shower and dress.
Your routine can be as prescriptive and as much as you want and can manage.
Go and buy a newspaper for example. So you have to get up, wash and dress before you go out. You will good morning to someone.
At the moment also try to walk for for at least 30 mins a day. Fresh air, exercise, and sunlight. You might meet someone and just get to say hello, but it’s an interaction.
Does this make sense?
@lyndal
I try to do something, anything, just so I’ve an achievement at the end of the day.
A load of washing or washing up, having a shower and getting dressed! Small steps but it’s a start and don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t get everything done you wanted. There is always tomorrow
Agreed. As much as able. Sorry I also should have said that I try to walk every day… Not that you should.
However, I do believe that keeping a routine has been a good thing for me, and does promote promote self care.
Sorry for your loss my partner died in november 2020 was in hospital for weeks could not go due to covid than died without seeing her after 56 years my life is empty no family and very lonely i was her carer for 5 years go to doctor just says call samaritins we went everywhere together and done everything together from getting up to going to bed i feel i cannot live life anymore without her and would like to die i have nobody life is now just a bore