Today the sun was shining and there as a chink of light. My husband passed away 12/4/2019. There are bad days and terrible days but today the sun was shining. I decided to fit a water butt. With the aid of you tube I found out how to fit it- and I did. If my husband could see me now - he would be surprised. Since his passing I have learnt to drive on the motorway, fit water butts, balance accounts, organise house insurance, car insurance, travel through an airport and so many other things that I thought I would never be able to do. Today I Think there may be light at the end of the tunnel . Tomorrow may be horrible but today I know my husband would be proud of me.
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Well done Montague. A lovely inspiring post.
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Yes indeed. Very positive and so uplifting to read a post like that. Itās amazing what you can do when it comes to it. I know most ladies leave those things to their partners, but there comes a day when it all has to be done alone. How so many rise to the occasion still surprises me as does the courage shown.
Hang on to that chink of light. It does get brighter, I have found that, but it comes and goes. Up and down, what I call the āYO YOā effect.
Yes, he is proud of you, and keeping going as you do is one of the things that prove life is there still to be lived.
We do need inspiring posts. So many are still in the pit of grief and no amount of words can make much difference. But when a post like yours arrives it is uplifting. Blessings.
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Well done M, we need more messages of hope like yours. If one of us can do just a little thing then it might give others on the forum a lift that just might be having a panic at all the things that are suddenly being thrown at them.
On our allotments there are repairs needed and cages (to protect Veg from birds) to be built I am slowly learning how to do these things.
This morning I managed to do a dance class in the local Town Hall I have planned to go on quite a number of occasions and even got to standing outside. Today I walked in, felt anxious, but stayed and didnāt do a runner as I thought I might. Each little thing we achieve is a small step towards that light. Thanks xx
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Jonathan123 I enjoy your posts, they always make me feel better. And Pattidot, like you I have an allotment. I am going to have a go next week repairing my raised beds with new wood- now that will be a challenge as Iāve never used a drill!! Still onwards and upwards. Iāve started to look at a weekend break for solo travellers. Iām getting a bit fed up listening to friends planning next years holidays. Nothing too elaborate, just a weekend with some pre planned excursions. I know that there will not always be good days if I go away but if I donāt give it a try Iāll just stay at home on my own . Good for you Pattidot going to a dance class. Another first. Xx
Another Allotmenteer, great. I know I mention the allotments quite a bit but it is a big part of my life now and has helped me. A therapy. Growing and taking home those veg. having a chat with other members, keeping that peice of land tidy and productive. This morning I have been mowing and tidying the paths. Picking veg for my dinner and spreading two barrowloads of bark on paths. (We have a delivery of wood chippings regularly tipped by the gate, hence everyone has bark paths). Its a place that me and the dogs can escape to when feeling lost and alone and as Brian loved his plot and the allotment in general I can feel his presence.
I was building raised beds last year, well sort of. Brian had drawn up a sketch on how he wanted his plot for this last summer and where everything was to be planted. However I could imagine him moaning because they wasnāt straight, he was very fussy. His regular annoying saying was āWell what do you expect, your only a womanā. We both had our own plots next door to each other and usually never interfered with each other. We both grew different veg, now Iām having to learn to grow veg that I have never had to bother with and feel as if heās watching over me, especially when I work on his plot. I still donāt use his toolās he didnāt like them touched. I have a huge area to manage on my own and I get the feeling that some of the men are watching me and wondering if I can cope but so far so good. I was lucky that the committee let me keep Brianās plot. If they had took it off me I would have had to give up altogether, couldnāt bear to see someone else on his plot.
Well done on the holidays but itās something I could never consider at the moment. Holidays never interested me as I had so many animals but when I met Brian he loved to travel so for thirty years holidays were a big thing in our lives but now the bubble has burst and I donāt even want to consider going away. Our holidays were nearly always walking ones and I have all the walking countryside I need on my own doorstep and of course my lovely dogs for company. Perhaps one day!!!
Pat xxx
Iām a keen vegetable gardener. At the moment the house is full of dust, so thatās a priority, but I know the second I get in the garden my low mood will be uplifted. There is something about gardening that is just wonderful.
I wish we could post photos on here. At the allotment today I made a cloche for my sprouts out of blue plastic water pipe and netting. Pretty good if I say do myself. Yesterday was a terrible day, it was cold, wet and I felt awful. Grief is a funny thing. One day you feel fine, maybe for a couple of days. Then it hits you like a truck. Then the sun shines again and I go into the garden or my allotment and plan, dig and mend.
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I was just thinking about the possibility of posting photos myself.
Iām still in emotional turmoil at the moment and constantly falling into that pit of grief. I did however read this post this horrible wet murky morning and I just said to myself āwowā. It is nice and uplifting to read something like this and see all the lovely replies. I too have an allotment. Probably a jungle right now as I havenāt been interested enough to go back since my mum last visited with me. Getting out into the fresh air does me good and itās unfortunate that the weather over the last month or two has been so annoyingly bad. I did manage to mow the lawn recently though in between the wet stuff! I have the South Downs nearby and itās good to get up there for the view, except not today and certainly not tomorrow!
Shaun,
I know it doesnt feel like it but you are doing ever so well. It hit me this morning that we are in November. On the 14th it will be 5 months since my mum died. What the hell? It feels like yesterday since the trauma of it all and since we last sat down to laugh at gogglebox together. She dudnt get to see the latest on all the soaps that she loved. On the 24th November its Mums 75th birthday. How didnt she make it? She was in great health this time last year. What you said about life being normal until its not has really resonated with me. Thats exactly what it was. So normal then bang. Gone.
Yesterday was extra bad for me as mum always made a fuss at Halloween decorating the doorstep and having buckets of sweets. I sat indoors in darkness with no decorations. Luckily my daughter was at her dads so wasnt aware.
And now comes the countdown to Christmas.i just want to hide away until the 2nd jan.
Get out there Shaun. There are many jobs to do over the winter, even if itās only to dig over and cover until the spring. Iām planning what to plant and me buying the seeds. I grow far too much just for me now, but friends love all my veggies . Meeting people who donāt know about my husband also helps as I find different things to talk about without dwelling on my problems.
Hello Daffy, couldnāt agree more. I was in my thirties before I started becoming interested in gardening but once it got a hold there was no going back and then in later years Brian and I had our allotments. Started with a small area and it just seemed to expand with more areaās, now I have the lot to look after and will do my best as I canāt bear the thought of seeing anyone one else on our piece of ground.
Keep growing.
xx
Lovely to āchatā to another allotment holder. It really is compulsive isnāt it.
I have just sent in my order for seeds and already marking out the sections. I have a huge area now that I have Brianās plot as well but I am cheating a bit by putting in more paths and breaking it all down to small sections, doesnāt seem so daunting. I too use the blue piping (I have yellow as well) and cover with mesh as the cabbage whites get into anything (little blighters). Brian did the repairs every winter but now itās up to me. Two full size plots is way too much veg for me but I am now force feeding family and neighbours with veg. Growing is therapeutic, talking about the veg is compulsive. (Listening to the men brag). Brian was well known on our allotment as he served on the committee many times and was site manager or assistant. They have bought a bench in memory of him and it is on a small area of garden by the gate that I look after. I have planted many more spring bulbs there this year as Brian loved the spring. Treeās overhang the area so difficult to get a good show of flowers for the summer. Members have been a big help to me though. They presented a prize for the best newcomer plot this year in his name. I had to judge it. A friendly wave and a chat makes all the difference some days when I am working but have tears rolling down my face.
Pat
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Agree Shaun get back to your allotment, it really does help. Both my husband and I have plots and I didnāt know if I could ever go near them again when he died last November. On a grey miserable day just four days after losing him I walked onto the plots, what would be my reaction, I had no idea. I stood looking around me and although I knew Brian wanted me to stay (he even ordered his seeds just before he died) and keep going I just didnāt know if I could crawl out of that black pit either. A lone Bee came and landed near me and I knew what I had to do. You may wonder what that Bee had to do with my decision. Brian loved the Beeās and helped the Bee keepers whenever he had the chance. The Bee keeper opened up the hives and told them of Brianās death and when this is done the Beeās carry his soul with them. It was November and the Beeās were sleeping for the winter but that lone Bee came to me and It had to be a sign from Brian. I ordered what seemed like tonās of muck and worked throughout the winter, it really did help me. Plenty to do in the winter. Get digging and clearing or muck spreading, whatever. You are doing so well and have the right idea. Couldnāt agree more getting out into the countryside along with my allotment has been the saviour of me. Best of luck. xx
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ok ok I get it, I need to get back to my allotment!
For me the big issue has been that the last visit I made was with my mum. Sheās always helped me out on it and I would have been picking the bountiful blackberries with her recently from a rather vicious bush.
I have to admit Iāve been playing a bit of the avoidance game and toying with the idea of giving it up to avoid the emotional weight of going there.
I turned my allotment into a bit of a lazy mans patch. I used to grow veg but now itās just about all fruit. I have 3 blackcurrant bushes an 1 redcurrant, thatās a lot of currants for the freezer.
I also grow Strawberries, loganberries boysenberries, blackberries, gooseberries, raspberries, blueberries and an enormous rhubarb plant.
I mentioned at mumās funeral that I was guilty of blocking up her freezer as well as our own!
So I should probably get back down there, I guess itāll get easier with time. Iām building myself up to it gradually.
Getting outside is a very healthy thing to do and I know I should do it as I havenāt really been looking after myself these past few weeks. Iām now trying to get out and about for more walks as much as I can now.
I hope you all find peace on your allotments.
Morning Shaun, wish I lived nearer to you, I would get you down on that allotment immediately. Go on make that start.
I too grow tons of fruit. Raspberries, jostaberries, blackberries, blackcurrants, gooseberries, gojiās, strawberries, blueberries, honeyberries, and Cape Gooseberries. I freeze and use in pies and breakfasts. Plus all the veg and can honestly say that even when I donāt feel like being bothered with it all, a visit soon getās me motivated.
DONāT give it up whatever you do. Get muck spreading.
I will let you off today as if your weather is like ours you will get blown away.
Pat xx
Gosh, some of you are almost militant! Iām glad you donāt know where I live now.
I will tell you though that Iām on the south coast near Emsworth and it is absolutely ferocious out there today. Iām actually worried about the roof.
Iām not going to make and rash decisions like giving up the allotment. There are so many things I might decide to do right now but I may regret later so Iām going to let my mind hopefully settle over time and see what I think then. I have a young daughter so maybe I could get her to come with me to the allotment. She helps cheer me up even on a day like this, she is such a ray of sunshine and I am amazed at her ability to cope with all this!
As I said, I do like getting out and Iāve had some lovely walks with some good friends over the south downs where I could unload my thoughts and feelings. I think I am affected by the weather generally and the last couple of months havenāt helped. I hate the shorter days coming now and being trapped indoors. I just hope I can have some sunny days as the title of this thread goes.
Shaun x
Your not that safe Shaun, I also live on the South Coast but on the Isle of Wight so have that stretch of water to negotiate and at the moment I canāt be bothered to leave the Island, preferring to stay in my comfort zone.
I too like getting out and lucky enough to have an abundance of lovely walks on the Island but at this moment feeling like a caged animal as the weather is too severe. I dread to think what I will find on my allotment tomorrow.
Anyway been cleaning kitchen cupboards, fridge, worktops and floors, just showās how bored I am!!! Yes some winter sun is what we need, donāt mind the cold but this weather is sxxt.
Pat
Hi Shaun. When I have too much of anything usually beans, courgettes I put them on my front wall with a sign saying āplease take meā with a smiley face. Works a treat.
Iām so sorry to hear of your sad loss,I know what you are going through,I lost my dear wife of nearly 40 years in July,each day feels harder to get through,each day is lonely without her,I just feel lost with out her,your husband will be so proud of you,with all the wonderful things you have achieved,I have always felt since losing my wife lacking in confidence,keep up the good work youāll get through it best wishes.