Dear Kester, thank you for the beautiful comments, I am crying my eyes out. Many of the things you have written about is what I think about such a lot, one of them was my 19 year old boyfriend proposing to me in 196 on a railway bridge whilst waiting for a steam train to pass under the bridge. (He was a railway enthusiast, I have donated all his photos to a railway museum, they go back to the 1940’s, there were thousands of them). They came to collect them and they were so very grateful for them all.
It was my husband’s birthday yesterday, the fourth one since he died. I had to go out as I could not bear to be sitting thinking about him not being here, so I went to a shopping mall and bought some yellow roses in pots, the same kind I had in my wedding bouquet, I will be putting them in the garden borders next week.
I will be honest Kester, I am sick of being without him, nearly 4 years now. Our eldest son asked me last night how I was really doing and I told him, I would never, ever get over losing his dad, living without him every day is killing me, he said it will get better in time mum, but I said, how can you spend 50 years with someone you loved with all your heart and get over it in a few years. My husband left me with a lovely home, I have no money worries, my health is good, but I would give it all up to have him back. Nothing else matters anymore. I had a bad day today, a song came on the radio, it was the Everley Brothers singing, ‘When I grow too old to dream’, I was in bits.
Anyway, we plod on, one day merges with another and on it goes but they mean nothing anymore.
Sending my love.