A thousand moments.

‘A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted - mostly because I just assumed there would be a thousand more.’

I found this quote online and it made me cry because I knew how many times we had taken it for granted we would always be together. If I had a chance to go back and do it all again, I would hold my beloved husband so tight and never let him go and tell him every single day how much I love him and appreciate him. But now it is too late, I know for a fact that I took it for granted that he knew I loved him but I know I did not say it often enough.

Sheila x

Sheila. You are so right. That quotes sums up how I feel. I loved my husband so much and took for granted we would retire at some point and live out our days together. Instead we find ourselves in this situation none of us wished for.

I am sure our lovely husbands knew how we felt about them. I surely knew that he loved me and I’ve been plagued by similar thoughts as you since he passed. Did he know what I felt? Did I tell him enough? We must tell those we love as much as we can and then do it some more.

Take care of yourself today. xx

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I only lost my beautiful wife 6 weeks ago we were together for 25 years and she was only 49.
I miss her so much, but from a male point of view I knew how much she loved me, we maybe simple souls us males, but we know the love our partners have for us.

Thanks Richard. Sorry for your loss which must still be so raw for you. Take care of yourself.

Hi Richard, I am so sorry, she was so very young. My sister died aged 47, my dad died aged 57, my husbands mum died 49 and his dad died 35 so I know exactly what you are going through. We talked about it such a lot as I met my husband to be a few weeks before his mum died and it was heartbreaking. My brother-in-law never got over my sister’s death, he remained single until he died two years ago. I wish he could have found someone else but no-one ever came close to my sister.

When we are young we tell each other how much we love, always kissing etc. but as we get older the romance is still there, but not as it was but we still love each other with all our hearts. I just wish I had said it more often, that is all. But, in the way I looked after him in his last 3.1/.2 years of his life, I think I showed it.

Sheilaxx

That is a lovely quote. Here’s another for you;
“All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain” (Blade Runner – Rutger Hauer)

The tragedy of losing a partner is suddenly realising that your memories were precious because you had someone to share them with; that holiday in France, where you bought your engagement rings, discovering you were pregnant, decorating a nursery, sledging in your first winter together, your special song, the day the car broke down………These were shared and treasured memories, they are alive, each one links with another and grows and shines. On your own they become just mere statements of fact, they are dying with you. Collect them, write them down. We live in a disposable age but a common statement heard at funeral addresses is;
“Whilst going through his or hers papers I stumbled upon this.”

Dear Sheila,

That is exactly how I feel, what a lovely quote.
My partner died so young and so suddenly and I want to do exactly what you do .
We were just starting our retirement together and thought we had years ahead of us.

I know how much he loved me and I hope he knew how much I loved him, I certainly didn’t tell him often enough.

Be kind to yourself, Jackie x

Dear Kester, thank you for the beautiful comments, I am crying my eyes out. Many of the things you have written about is what I think about such a lot, one of them was my 19 year old boyfriend proposing to me in 196 on a railway bridge whilst waiting for a steam train to pass under the bridge. (He was a railway enthusiast, I have donated all his photos to a railway museum, they go back to the 1940’s, there were thousands of them). They came to collect them and they were so very grateful for them all.

It was my husband’s birthday yesterday, the fourth one since he died. I had to go out as I could not bear to be sitting thinking about him not being here, so I went to a shopping mall and bought some yellow roses in pots, the same kind I had in my wedding bouquet, I will be putting them in the garden borders next week.

I will be honest Kester, I am sick of being without him, nearly 4 years now. Our eldest son asked me last night how I was really doing and I told him, I would never, ever get over losing his dad, living without him every day is killing me, he said it will get better in time mum, but I said, how can you spend 50 years with someone you loved with all your heart and get over it in a few years. My husband left me with a lovely home, I have no money worries, my health is good, but I would give it all up to have him back. Nothing else matters anymore. I had a bad day today, a song came on the radio, it was the Everley Brothers singing, ‘When I grow too old to dream’, I was in bits.

Anyway, we plod on, one day merges with another and on it goes but they mean nothing anymore.

Sending my love.

Sheila xx

Ha Ha Sheila….and ours was also the Everly Brothers – “All I Have To Do Is Dream”.
I feel so sorry for the younger generation; everything is gone in an instant, they will not have the shoe boxes that we have with faded black and white photographs, school pictures, notes passed under the desk declaring undying love, concert tickets, stained beer mats, 18th birthday cards, train tickets, , driving test certificates, Student Union Cards, and B&B receipts where we passed ourselves off nervously as Mr & Mrs.
Everything is “in the cloud” along, I suspect, with their heads.
I can’t help but wonder if you would have met your husband and shared fifty happy years had you first read his profile online; declaring himself to be a train spotter who liked nothing more than standing on soot bathed railway bridges photographing trains as they hurtled past. A far more romantic memory to cherish than a two for one meal in Domino’s Pizza. (I think I am becoming too cynical in my advancing years)
I like inspirational quotes but I am writing down as much as I can for my children. I have been entrusted with my wife’s memories as well as mine and ours together. I want our children to remember what we said about each other and about them, not just what someone else said.
When you plant your yellow roses make sure your children know why you planted them; I bet your wedding photographs are in black and white………
x

Yes, they are, also we had a cine film taken of our wedding day in 1967. No sound so I had it out onto a CD when Peter died and now it is on USB memory sticks. I added our favourite music of the 60’s to it. I also scanned all our black and white photos from the 60’s onto the computer and added music to all the photos. I have lots of SD cards and USB sticks with photos, videos, music, you name it I have it. When I met Peter in 1964 it was at the Mecca Locarno, I was tall for a girl in those days 5 ft 8 ins wearing 4 ins heels and when I saw Peter across the room he was head and shoulders above everyone else, he was 6 ft 4 ins tall. I grabbed my sister and pulled her across the dance hall and danced near where he was talking with his friend, we had a few jives but he never asked me to dance, so we picked our handbags off the floor and as I was standing up, this tall, handsome boy was stood in front of me asking me if I wanted to dance. I found out he couldn’t jive very well so waited for a Walz to start playing

That was the start of it. Love at first sight.

God I loved him and he loved me.

Sheila xxx

Sadly he had stopped train spotting two years before I met him as his mum had developed cancer and he was looking after her. He used to play football with Paul Reeney, Paul Madeley etc but when his mum stopped working it was up to Peter to keep their home going by working overtime and weekends, so he stopped playing football and his other hobbies. She died a few weeks after I met him and it wasn’t until we started going steady that he got interested again but did not go train spotting as he was always with me. He took it up again when our boys were born in 1970. Our two sons both learned to read and write when they were well under school age, because Peter bought them their own little train spotting books so they could cross the numbers off and write the names of the trains at the side. That became their lives, train spotting, sport shops, record shops, photography, they were never apart. All our holidays were spent where there were train stations. They all train spotted whilst I went off for afternoon tea. Even now, they are nearly 50 years of age and still love everything that their dad was interested in. They are also both 6ft 4 ins. tall.

I still have the original music Cassettes of the 60’s, CD’s, 45’s, LP’s, EP’s. I have all his transport books. My husband had a model train set up in the small bedroom and he wanted to knock a hole in the bedroom wall leading into our bedroom so the train could run through a tunnel into our bedroom and come back out and go round the track. Well, you can guess what I said and it wasn’t polite.

So many memories.

Sheila x

Hello Vonnie, yes, I tell our sons and grandchildren I love them and give them a cuddle when they go home. Peter was very affectionate indeed, always putting his arms around me, always holding my hand and he always walked on the outside, near the road when we went out. I told one of our son’s off the other week because he was walking on the inside and I was on the outside near a busy road, I said to him, your dad would never have let me walk on the outside and he didn’t know why so I told him.

Sheila xx

Thank you Jackie, it is sad really, we take each other for granted, when we were young we thought we had forever, we were so much in love, romantic, kisses, it was wonderful but as you start getting past your fifties we, well I, tended to take what we had for granted, we still loved each other, never went anywhere without each other and to go on holiday without him was unthinkable, but many of our friends did and some got divorced and the others vanished into the past. If I had my life to live over, I would choose Peter, it would always be Peter.

Love

Sheila x

It’s funny how much influence we have on our kids. Your kids were very lucky just as I was. My father was very practical, what he couldn’t do he went to the library or night school to learn. He taught himself car mechanics, brick laying, carpentry, electrics and plumbing and anything else he needed to better himself and his family. We were among the first people in our street to have gas central heating because Dad installed it himself. He enlisted my help whenever he could, of course I partly resented it then but everything I know now I learned from him and, in turn, my kids are now picking this up from me. My kids are all in their 20’s and working on their own homes. I feel so sorry for them now though because I’m good with a hammer and a chisel, their mother was brilliant with a needle and thread or with fabric and wool. I can help with the curtain poles but they so much miss their mother who would be making curtains and cushions, bed covers and clothes. It’s heartbreaking to see what they have each achieved whilst knowing they want to show their mum. Even more so that she never got to hold a grandchild.

Oh Kester, you must be much younger than I am. We were lucky, Peter saw his sons married and have children of their own, we both retired at 60 but he was ill for the eight years of his retirement, the last three years I was his 24/7 carer but he still love to read his books and go on his laptop. Peter started off working as an apprentice electrician when he was 15 in 1961 and worked his way up the ladder to the top. He showed our boys how to fit lights, change plug points. Peter fitted a new kitchen and bathroom, he was a great believer in if he could not do it he wouldn’t pay someone else to do it. We had an all electric house right from the very start because he could fix any electrical problems there were, he built a massive car-port and porch to the back of our house and to this day, after nearly 30 years, they are still standing and have been a godsend.

In the last few months of his life, he ordered light bulbs, flourescent lights, bulbs for the carport lights, fuses so if any lights went out I could change the bulbs, but he made me promise that I had to ask our son’s to do it as he didn’t want me standing on steps but in an emergency I could do it but not go higher than the second step.

That is what hurts for our youngest son, they have had another baby and he so wanted to tell his dad, so they named the baby after his granddad. Things will never be the same again, they can’t be.

I am so sorry for us all, I have lived a long and happy life with my husband and I am grateful because many people never get to spend 50 years with the person they love.

Take care…

Sheila x

Thank you for these lovely quotes!
I have an exercise book full of quotes, poems etc which I have gathered together since Barry died and, as well as our own “specials”, I have found comfort in reading them and realising that the emotions, doubts and fears which we all have are echoes of past lives throughout history.
We used to love sitting together of an evening, holding hands, and listening to music …but one of my personal favourites now is called “To where you are” by Josh Groban
and I often sit, with my dogs, watching the candlelight flicker on the photos of all those who I have lost and listen to the words which have come to mean so much.
Take care everyone xx

Hi all
I have been reading all your emails and have been in tears with such beautiful quotes and memories.
My friend husband passed away five years ago and she used to say to me that every day has a moment of sadness a moment of love and a moment of loss .
I’m only five months down this road .
Like your selfs I often wonder did my husband know how much I truly loved him because I knew how much he loved me .
I look at my sons who are all men there selfs now and see my husband in them he was 6/ 2 inc and a truly genital man he made me laugh so much doing stupid things and not caring were we were .
I remember seeing him playing football in the park when I was 14 and getting married at 16 having our first baby at 18 and all the things that life brings with it all our plans or dreams bringing up our children working life just takes over everything and children marry and leave and you have just each other to plan for so you plan what you will do when you retire the time that is just for you both .
Then it is all gone all your dreams your plans the laughter the love all now just memories .
Thinking of you all
Lily

Oh Lily, I am so sorry, this life we have now is not what we ever thought it would be. I was an optimist, always had been, I thought nothing would touch us, we were invincible. I lost my dad, sister and mum, but because I had my husband, I got through it with him beside me and I still think about them after all these years.

When my husband started being ill, it changed everything, watching the man I had loved since he was 18 years old become a shadow of himself and I knew for a fact that it was also breaking his heart, the tall, handsome man of 6 ft 4 ins who always looked smart, slowly become an old man bent double by his illness. He didn’t deserve what happened to him. How I wished it was me that was ill because I just could not imagine him not being here, but when that time came and he died, I also died. I am no longer the woman I was, no longer the optimist, no longer looking forward but always looking back. I feel as if I am more at home in the past than I am in the present and to even think about the future without my husband is killing me.

I just wish I could go to bed and not wake up.

Our son came today with our grandsons and he asked me how I was as it had been his dad’s birthday last Thursday, I just broke down in tears, I hate to upset them but this hurting will never go away and I get so tired of smiling until my face hurts.

Love

Sheila x

Hi Lonely Mentor
What you say is so true all the things that come with life you fell you could take on the world because you have the one person who know you inside out at your back .
My husband took a blood clot that traveled to his in October he fought so hard he never told me he was going to die it was the doctor that took me aside and told me I asked the doctor if my husband new he was going to die and he said yes but he doesn’t want to upset you he fought till the 26 November and he lost his fight he was a beautiful gentle loving caring man as I’m sure your husband was .
I know this pain is overwhelming but please try with me to keep fighting I know my husband and I know he would be devastated at the pain I’m in as I’m sure your husband would be so let’s fight to keep going thinking of you .
Lily