Good Afternoon, I am 37, Me and my Dad have always been close, and when my parents split as a child I lived with Dad - He quite simply was my best friend.
My journey to losing my Dad started during lock down when I would do all Dads shopping to keep him safe, His shopping was getting less and then in the May he brought me down a birthday card which was the first time I had seen him since March and he had lost loads of weight and said he was struggling to eat. I pushed the doctors and they kept saying it was gastro problems. They sent Dad for an endoscopy and they couldn’t get the camera down due to a growth in his throat. Long story short we then got told that this was cancerous and with dad having lost so much weight and being 77 we had to chose quantity or quality. Dad had a feeding tube fitted and came to live with me and my partner. This in turn meant that our 15 year old daughter had to go and live with mum as she gave her room up so I could care for her Grandad. I was having to cope with lock down, not seeing my daughter, working full time and being sole carer for Dad (feeding him myself through his tube and giving all meds) and watching him slowly slip away. On December 12th we me, my partner and Daughter moved in to our brand new home that we had built and Dad came along with us too. Around the 30th December Dad deteriorated dramatically and my Mum had to bring down a bed that we put up in the living room. Myself, my younger brother and younger sister all stayed with him at his bedside that night and much to the amazement of the nurses he made it through the night.
We later lost Dad at 21.45 on NYE. We were all with him and that final breath still haunts me to this day.
I am still really struggling with the loss of Dad more so as time goes on and the reality of not seeing him again really hits home. I’m having nightmares still and panic attacks have recently started too. I am having bereavement counselling and started some medication to try and help me too. Does anyone have any other strategies that they can share with me to help me with this please?
Thank you for reading my journey and thank you in advance for any advice offered.
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my dad two years ago to lung problems. I loved him so much and still do. I recently lost my husband. Life is so cruel. I fell to pieces and have really bad anxiety. Talking about your dad to others and talking to him will help. I also listen to meditation on u tube. If you do this and do some form of guided relaxation regularly through the day your body will start to relax. Our bodies have defaulted to a hypersensitive state due to losing our loved ones and we are in a constant state of anxiety. We have to bring our default to a more normal level. By practicing relaxation regularly when we don’t feel panic will help to ease the panic when we are in it. Try to sit with the feelings and not be afraid of them they will pass. Allow yourself to say I am anxious and I feel panic but it’s okay I’m okay everything will be okay. Keep saying this slowly and it will calm you. Take care x
Hi I went through something very similar, my dad had skin cancer which spread to his throat, he struggled on for 2 years and endured terrible pain. He went from being a big strong man to a shadow and he passed two years in april at the start of covid. We fought to keep him at home as he would have died without us being there due to covid regulations and I watched him take his last breath. I cried in the shower every day for months, I couldnt believe what was happening to me as it felt my whole world had collapsed. What I’m trying to say is it does get better. Tonight is the first time Ive felt sad for ages, but its ok to be sad and its ok to cry. No matter how bad you feel, remember its a short term emotion and allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Its better out than in. It will get better.