About the Life after bereavement category

When a loved ones dies, moving on can seem like an impossibility at times. But it does get easier and there is a lot of support out there to help you. This doesn't mean you will forget any cherished memories, as remembering your loved ones is often part of coming to terms with their death. If you want to help others cope or want advice on what to do next, share your thoughts here.

It hasn’t been a month since l lost my mum, her funeral was yesterday (21/1/20), and l am existing not living…l have lost my reason for being and don’t know what my purpose in life is…Dr has signed me off for few more weeks but given me some advice - try to do something new that didn’t involve my mum - that’s actually really limiting because l did everything with her and not being able to share things with her is beyond hard. I feel numb, empty and its a continual sinking feeling every time l leave the house…l have no motivation to want to do anything but he also suggested keeping a journal of things l actually do and it can be something small like drinking more water or walking into town - positive things and it starts tomorrow although l will admit l reflected on what l did today which wasn’t much but it was a step forward, will admit didn’t enjoy it but l did it - l had lunch in a cafe by myself and did little bit of shopping - baby steps l guess. People tell me not to make any big decisions and not to rush back to work, give myself the time to adjust, to think, to consider changes l would have to make that would allow me to return to work eventually. It is early days and although l seem to have found an inner peace l am still lost, still grieving, my mum is, sorry was, my best friend and we had a bond that most seem to envy - l’m not fully at that stage where memories are easily accessible, l think the grief is blocking them and l’m afraid l will be overwhelmed…l find it hard to speak logically, l seem to ramble jumping from one thing to the next…trying to be busy but not wanting to do anything…l don’t think anyone person could really describe what grief is as it is many emotions all at the same time and the idea of moving on without that special person is unbearable…l still talk to my mum, ask for advice, guidance, even tell her what l’m doing or how l’m feeling…l never say my mum died, l prefer the term passed…apologises for the ramble but thank you

Thanks for posting - I felt just the same although things have got much better since my dad died last June. Just after he passed I had to return to work. I was taking part in a singing workshop with lots of different schools where I had to play a court jester singing about making people laugh!! I also had to sing a song with the words “what is the point of living”! I tell you, at the time I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but somehow I did and I was fine. It was good to see other people. Since then I’ve been hit by a few waves of overwhelming emotion and I have also been having regular one to one counselling, when I mainly just blubber. But the crying has got better in between and I’ve had lots of lighter times too. It is hard to have fun right now - or feel like I did before, but I think I need to be patient. They say 18 months is the usual “recovery” time before you start to feel like you have grief under control. I think it’s a great idea to try new things and be kind to yourself as well and give yourself time to heal. We’ve all been through a big shock, and it takes a while to deal with that.