Absent Father

My Dad died 6 weeks ago, I’ve only just had his funeral. I’m an only child and my parents got divorced when I was young. Dad was around for a bit and then disappeared for about 10 years. We then got back in touch with each other but the past two years, I distanced myself as Dad was drinking himself to death. I always knew the phone call was coming and didn’t expect it to hit me like it did.

I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I’ve been shocked, in disbelief, sad and then felt comfort in making his service perfect for him.

And now, I feel guilt. Guilt I let him die alone, guilt I never let him know I loved him and I forgave him.

Now I don’t know what to do. How do I carry on with my life without my Dad knowing how much I love him?

I’ve noticed signs of him being here with me but maybe I’m just going crazy.

I lost my Dad 3 weeks ago in similar circumstances. I didn’t speak to my Dad for the last 2 years of his life and he also died from the effects of years of alcohol abuse

All I can say is that although you will feel guilty you shouldn’t. Addiction is a powerful illness that takes a persons control from them and unfortunately there is little you could have done to fix your Dad. He, like my own Dad needed to be willing to accept help

I completely get the mix of emotions you are going through. I am finding working through them with a bereavement counsellor helpful

Take care x