I lost my partner in May 2024, i have been getting along with my life and seemed to be doing quite well but lately the sadness and the feeling of lonliness has come back with a vengeance. I have made new friends, joined clubs, got a part time job I have family close by and I have been on my first holiday with family but without him, but still I miss him so terribly .I am not at all suicidal but life does seem pointless and has no meaning to me anymore. i go through the motions and i am positive and cheerful until I am alone.
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Hello @penny6,
Thank you for sharing this with us. I am sorry to hear that you are finding being alone difficult. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
That is what is happening to me although I am only nearly 7 months in , it seems it is getting harder now . I am trying to get on as Kevin would want me to and keeping busy but I miss him so much and always will. Today would have been his 64th birthday so I decided I would go to the “captains night” night at his golf club as I am sure he will be highly spoken of…… I hope that is the case.
Keep going Penny it is all you can do . Take care
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You are right Linda, just keep plodding on, going throug=ugh the motions, good for you going to the Golf Club that was brave and i hope it went well for you.
I have decided I am going to do as many things as I can from now on, accept all invitations even if its not really my thing, tonight I have been to a quiz night and really enjoyed it. I am only 66 and quite fit and healthy so could have a lot of years left to live, my David would not want me to live in mourning so I will up my acting skills and put on a smile and hopefully my false happiness will morph into real happiness or at least peaceful acceptance. !. You are still much earlier on than me so your grief will still be raw but we can do it, we can get to a better place. Thank you for connecting with me XX
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Thank you Penny for your response, it is all so very tough on this road of grief.
I went to the golf club and i am sure Kevin would have been pleased i did, Kevin was spoken of with such fondness and has left a massive void in the club.
I am glad you have decided to do as many things as you can , your David would want that from you . We must live our lives for them as well. I understand the “Acting” skills I do it so often , saying i am ok when i know full well i am not.
Keep living Penny and accept all those invitations. Take care x
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Hi penny6
I know exactly how you are feeling, my partner of 14 years passed away on the 17th June 24 and yes last year was just a numb blur I thought I was making progress this year, I went back to work 6 weeks after he died and slowly finding the new version of me, but the past few weeks has hit me so hard, the physical heart ache has increased again the loneliness has got so much harder and like you I don’t feel suicidal but just want it all to stop, sending you so much love right now xx
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Aw that is so kind saz-lou. I think the only thing we can do is keep plodding on, I have decided that I am going to try and look on the brighter side, I am accepting every invitation, joining in with things even if i don’t feel like it. I try and keep busy. I am lucky that I have my adult grandson living with me, he is away some of the time but at least i have someone here some of the time. I have mentioned my awful feelings to a few of my freinds and it is odd but some others have said they feel really down too so I wonder if its the end of summer and Christmas coming etc. We can only keep on living and taking our loved ones along with us in our hearts and memory. Its not having the company. When i am with others and busy I am not too bad but once its quiet and I am alone it hits me again. It feels so empty,I have been crying again because crying is good for us and a release button, it is a known fact that we need to cry. I think like you say we have gone through the last year keeping busy, doing this and that trying to learn to live without our partner and maybe we havent given ourselves the time to actually grieve. My doctor did advise me to ring Cruise as they are supposed to be very good at helping people deal with grief. ( I haven’t done it yet). It does help being on here. But i really do think that maybe we should accept the greif, let it in, cry more, miss them and I for one need to take time out of my busy life to do that. I think I have held it back, put it off and it is not going away so I will try and accept it and let the greif in. It will be healing i think. XX
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I live on my own, it wasn’t too bad up until may as I had my dog but he got really poorly and made the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. So yes I think it doesn’t help this time of year when the early darker evenings hit, I finish work and come home to a dark empty house. Also having to fake the smiles at work as I am customer facing in my job, so I come home and it hits (just a lot harder these days) definitely letting the grief do it’s thing and I am trying to understand it more, not why he died as I know why and fully accept it just the whole grief process as the grief steps are out of date and the timing they tell you is wrong, plus people attitudes if you are past the 1 year mark you should be over it and move on, nope not gonna happen. Anyway I’ve got to get ready for work, sending love to you and know we are all here xxx
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I understand where you are coming from I lost my civil partner in Aug 24 and then like you seem to have had a major blip recently. |Problem is everyone else has gone on and we are still on the journey go gentley
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For me it is now 3 years. cannot understand sometimes how it can be this hard. I think at times I cannot carry on with this life, I want the old one back, we were so happy, it just worked, life worked. I am so lucky in so many ways, with love and support from family and friends. Then out of nowhere I am seem to go back to just this life has no purpose. It seems a long time but recently I accepted I am on my own and it will be OK, not good, very different, but Ok. I think that is a little start to moving forward into the future life I will have. Thank you for listening.
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Yes thats how i feel Barb there is no purpose, even though I do useful things and I have family that love me and I love them but everything is so odd, going for a day out with my family is nice but it is still so lacking, i don’t like going out on my own much at all, i see something nice and there is no one to point it out…you will know exactly what i mean. I am thinking about maybe going on a solo holiday some of my widowed friends have done them but it really doesn’t appeal to me., they say cruises are good but way out of my price range and again I have never wanted to go on a cruise even when David was alive it was not on our agenda. I think you are right it is accepting that realisation that they are not going to come back and its only me from now on. X
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Ladies, becoming a widow is a horrible thing. We don’t lost our other half, we lose our whole. Our entire life changed in the blink of an eye.
First there is the foggy brain, the fear, the anxiety, the confusion, the terror of it all, anger, frustration, depression, sadness, and an overwhelming amount of things we must now do by ourselves when once there were two pulling it together.
I understand completely that you feel without purpose. Your presence is purpose. We don’t have to slay dragons, or save the whales, just living life as fully as possible is enough. That is your purpose.
I have just passed the one year anniversary of my husband’s death. I’ve been through hell as have you all. Mostly a blur. On the anniversary, I accepted my life as it is now. I knew that I was competent and confident enough to make it one year on my own and it proved that I can do this. I’ve done it.
A year ago I was a hermit in my home with all the blinds closed, waling in circles and living on 4 hours of sleep, not eating, afraid to drive my car to the store 1 mile away, manically purging my house, and trying to make sense of all the paperwork. It took months. There were changes at month 4, 7, 10 too. Last month I flew across the Pacific Ocean to be in St. Peter’s Square on the anniversary of my husband’s death. I was terrified to go, but I did it. It changed me. I cried on the flight home, but I knew I could do anything now. I will be alright.
You will too. Grief doesn’t follow any rules and it does show up in a straight line, there will always be triggers and sadness. We learn to live with it and yes, we can have a fantastic life. It is ours to create, so create a good one.
It took millions of baby steps to get this far. Just keep taking them and expanding the stride.
Hugs
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